To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

[WaxMeltHoarder]

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

I just found a stick of bubblemint wrigleys moving all my shit from one bag to another.

Any takers?

Wouldn't want to stuff it all myself and make a social faux pas

How old is he? I know some members of previous generations tended to use sharing things almost as a mark of rank within the family, especially during times such as WW2 when treat food was scarce. Or they were very frugal and eating anything to yourself, in one sitting etc was considered greedy. My mum grew up just post war and remembers getting one square of dairy milk per week as a child. A bar lasted ages. And she would have had to share sweets, cakes etc. I've heard similar things about being allowed seconds at dinner for some people back then, priority given to men, then "growing boys" with younger boys and females last. For people who grew up with this it's a control thing, a way of putting people in their place - you're only a child and my wants are more important than yours. Or you're female and should make sure the men eat, if not you're greedy and inconsiderate and, "not very nice", what on earth will the neighbours say? Doesn't mean it's ok and thank goodness times have changed but just maybe upbringing plays a part?

Notso, you quote from the first post.
Yes and you have quoted all the OP's other posts not sure why?
With you on the Bittermints though.

"A 12 year old is not a child. A 12 year old boy in my community works 5 days a week. "
is the best thing I have ever read on MN!

I can offer 1/8th of a Jelly Tot in return. I'm generous you see, plus I could hardly stomach a whole one to myself.

Thank you, my dear. That's lovely - and so delightfully courteous of you.

May I offer you this?

The best thread I've read on mumsnet for a while - I've gone from outright rage, swearing at people who HAVENT RTFT, to WTF at someone's grandad dying alive in the floor for days (bet you never thought that would come up @WaxMeltHoarder !!) and stifling laughter in between.

Definitely a classics worthy thread.

(YANBU btw OP)

This thread is full of so many doormats who dress up "sharing" as being ... well ... doormats. No, it is not "good manners" to share something that is precious to the person, it is extremely generous and those on the receiving end of said generosity should be extremely grateful. I think it is wrong to demand that children share everything, that is teaching them the wrong message. As an adult, I would not share certain things so why should my DC be taught that their things aren't as precious as mine? Or is it that just because it's a child that their feelings don't matter and they should also be raised as doormats / people pleasers / can't stand up for themselves / know that they can say no, I'm not sharing this time?

Oh and RTFT, they ALL had dessert.

OP, your FIL is a selfish prick. Quite frankly I would not be buying anything else for him and I would be calling him out on his behaviour. What he did with the duck biscuit was awful. Other posters are right, he thinks himself as the big man who gets first dibs on everything and the fact that a 12 year old girl knocked him off his pedestal of entitlement has pissed him off.

In fact, next time, buy everybody cake and buy sweet fuck all for FIL. Tell him after the way he behaved last time, you realise how ungrateful he is and nothing is ever good enough so you didn't bother buying him a dessert since all he did last time was whinge and moan like a toddler having a tantrum.

@SchadenfreudePersonified

Can I just say I think it's frightfully rude of you to have offered a shaving nod jellybaby to someone without waiting to see if everyone else on the thread wanted some.

In my day we'd have had the common courtesy to come prepared with a tiny tiny knife in order to cut said jellybaby into 600 equal pieces so everyone on the thread could have some.

Honestly, I'm horrified at your lack of basic manners

@MediocreOmens I am in no way using it as a shield. I'm very proud of it. Unless you've been on every thread I've been on, you won't know. I am actually targeted and there are a handful of people who say nasty things to me on every thread I post on.

@Snoopdogsbitch that may well be the case in your walk of life, it's not in mine. Why shouldn't I use MN just because I have a different background? I didn't realise there was an ethnic screening I needed to pass before I was allowed to post.

You know what I'm so fucking sick of people taking the piss out of everything I post on here. Quoting my posts just to ridicule them. I've made a thread explaining everything I possibly could about my way of life and so many people were compassionate and seemed genuinely upset about the way my community is treated. Well clearly there are still so many people who can't accept that some people's cultures are different to their own. I don't know why I even bother. Nobody accepts us in real life so why would I think I'd be accepted here.

The grief over a bit of cake 😂

Fil is a prat and I hope your daughter enjoyed HER cake 😁

I would really love to come to each of your houses, put one box with sweets on the table, offer it to everyone, then open my own box and start eating different cake with a comment that this is mine and I cannot offer it to anyone and see your faces.

Not comparable. A more accurate exercise would be for you to come to our houses, put a box of cakes on the table with enough for everyone in the house to have a cake each, and then take out and et your own cake without making any comment about it. I doubt anyone would bat an eyelid.

@SchadenfreudePersonified

That's ever so kind of you. I'll have half now and save the rest for later, you never know when you might have guests!

Would you like me to save the doily?

Four adults sat watching her eat the cake.
Had any adult wanted a taster, they could have asked.
I really do think the FIL is at fault.

@QuestionableMouseit's the travelling community. I can assure you it's quite normal to start work at that age.

Not normal elsewhere. 12 years old is still a child. Don't try to normalize abnormal behaviour.

Cheeky/greedy old fuckers YADNBU

You so have to take the P out of this bloke.
When next he has something to small to share, tell him to share.

Pinkyy WTF? Where did I say this has anything to do with ethnicity or that you can't post because of yours! How dare you put words into my, or any other poster's mouth. Here is my post:

12 year olds ARE children. I teach them, my son is one. Child labour is illegal: there's no protected status in that matter. 12 year olds should be being schooled to expand their minds and widen their horizons not working 5 days. Don't use MN to further your very alternative views.

I disagree that 12 year olds should work- the law also disagrees with you. I have taught many travelling children over the years in secondary education, so this working at 12 is not a universally held belief within your culture.

Stop playing the victim. Noone is here to insult your culture they just don't happen to agree with you. AIBU is not a place to get precious about people not agreeing with you. I'm sure MMHQ would get involved if there was poor treatment of someone because of their background, culture or race.

In my day we'd have had the common courtesy to come prepared with a tiny tiny knife in order to cut said jellybaby into 600 equal pieces so everyone on the thread could have some.

Totally OT, but when I was in infants school, one day at storytime the story involved an apple, The teacher brought in one apple and a fruit knife, and cut the apple into 36 slices so that every child in the class got a piece. I didn't eat my tea that day, I tell yer. Stuffed I was!

(No plate or doily involved. The horror to my sensitive soul.)

@Pinkyyy Surely most posters have no idea who you are or about your life story so are just commenting on your post?
Why would people remember anything about other posters? Unless they're the type to AS everyone?

@Snoopdogsbitch you said "don't use MN to further your alternative views". In my opinion my views are not alternative, they're normal to me. I'm not trying to further them, whatever that means. I'm not sure how you can make statements about what is universally held, it is not common for a 12 year old to still go to school in my culture. That is what's not universal.

@Ragglesnaggle sadly that's not the case. There are people who seem to have memorised everything and use it against me. I'm tired of being ridiculed and looked at as some sort of a freak just for having different views.

OP apologies for my outburst I realise its irrelevant to your thread. I'm just tired of it all.

@Pinkyyy I quoted your post where you said you agreed with FIL because you later claimed you hadn’t. It has nothing to do with your culture.

I'd of said maybe next time you won't be such a tight-ass and buy yourself some cake if you want some cake.

When my son was 12, we stripped him naked and sent him off to fend for himself or to join the army.
Oh hang on, no, that was the spartans. My Bad,

I think the reason people are saying DD was wrong is the way it is worded.
Today while on the way to treat in law's to tea we picked up some lovely things to eat.
I got everyone a sweet treat and since DD wanted something more expensive she purchased something from her own money.
Everyone had a treat and DD ate her own very sickly sweet tiny piece of cake.
The greedy granddad admitted if he had the chance he would have stolen half the cake of DD by pretending she had to share, while he had wolfed down his own treat already. Grandad has from for being a greedy sod.