Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

999 replies

WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:24

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/10/2019 19:16

Has this thread been nominated for Classics yet?

I was wondering that burrito

Windydaysuponus · 08/10/2019 19:17

Wonder if fil would have said the same to a dgs? Or is he a male chauvinistic pig who thinks females need to pander to his every whim?

Orchidflower1 · 08/10/2019 19:20

@Sheld0r toffee fudge with bits of crushed malteaser on top and toffee sauce. Yummy!

OkayGo · 08/10/2019 19:22

Oh he's being a knob isn't he !

mnthrowaway2099 · 08/10/2019 19:37

12 is absolutely still a child sorry. What’s that, year 7/8?

Rainonmyguitar · 08/10/2019 19:38

If somebody comes to my house, puts on the table variety of sweets and then takes out a slice of cake and eats on her/his own without offering to me I would wonder if that cake is so much nicer than other sweets and that is the reason it is not offered?

So you're exactly the same as the jealous Grandad. Absolutely ridiculous to be jealous of a child's one slice of cake.

RandomMess · 08/10/2019 19:45

It's all because FIL didn't get first choice because he's top dog as said previously.

What an arse he is!!!

Craftycorvid · 08/10/2019 20:11

I think their IS often an undercurrent of sexism with the food thing. I was innocently minding my own business in a cafe once, just browsing the cake selection as you do, and this random old goat came trundling up and informed me very condescendingly that it ‘wasn’t slimmers’ food’. Hmm. I can recall other occasions where it’s a man calling a woman or girl out for enjoying a treat - usually with the words ‘oooh you’ll get fat!’ Was FIL brought up with ‘penis portions’ perchance? (Thought I’d get that MN classic in there). Grin

Moomin8 · 08/10/2019 20:15

because the sweets were not given to concrete people

Uhhh, concrete people don't actually eat anyway so...

MulticolourMophead · 08/10/2019 20:15

It's all because FIL didn't get first choice because he's top dog as said previously.

I agree. Think someone might have mentioned it as a food version of FOMO. And this particular man is a greedy arsehole, the incident with the duck biscuit shows that.

And I also think that there are times when it's right to NOT share, and this was one.

It's irrelevant that it's cake. This is something a 12 year old bought from her own money. Would people be expecting her to share a book? A magazine? Clothes?

Some people seem to think that children should always share, and should be forced to if they are unwilling. Yet don't pull up adults. Manners go both ways.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 08/10/2019 20:32

The OP arrived with an entire meal. This fascinates me. Are MIL and FIL ill/disabled/destitute/rubbish cooks? Anyway, I digress. After the main course, OP says 'We bought a box of patisserie, here it is' and puts something like my attached picture on the table for people to choose from. She also says 'Oh, and Alice bought herself a cake, so she'll be having that' and DD gets out her own Haribo-laden choice (see other attached picture). What on earth is FIL's problem, to feel that DD should have cut into her own little treat to augment his own choice? What a prat.

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake
To think you don't have to share a piece of cake
Breathlessness · 08/10/2019 20:35

What is that Haribo wonder and why is it not in my mouth Shock

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 08/10/2019 20:41

You're welcome to it, Breathlessness. I've never seen the appeal of Haribo! I'd go for the patisserie and be desperately hoping that there would be some left over. Grin

walkaroundtheblock · 08/10/2019 20:46

What an awful awful big girls blouse!

Who takes cake from 12 yo DGD?! Never heard anything like it. Wish I'd have been there, he'd be very sorry he'd picked on my dear child.

ArizonaRobbins · 08/10/2019 20:46

Urgh. Bet he voted leave.

NataliaOsipova · 08/10/2019 20:53

I think you use the same manners whoever you’re with

Not sure. There’s formal and informal behaviour, surely? I am with my DH and I have my feet on the sofa. I wouldn’t do that at my MILs....and I sure as hell wouldn’t do it if invited to tea with the Queen. The same applies here, I think. The child in question presumably wouldn’t rock up to her friend’s house with “her” special piece of cake as that might well look a little rude. But to her grandparents’ house? When there was adult cake all round? Can’t see why that would be frowned upon .

Breathlessness · 08/10/2019 20:54

It’s the sweet-hedgehog effect. it’s impressive. I’d go for salty drop or Swedish sour car sweets over either haribo or cake though.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/10/2019 21:06

DD gets out her own Haribo-laden choice (see other attached picture)

Hell's bells!

It's only a photo and yet I can feel my teeth decaying as I look at it.

Michaelbaubles · 08/10/2019 21:14

The correct etiquette would surely be: spread ok cakes put out on table. DGD’s fancy cake brought out to much oohing and aahing from grandparents. Grandad makes “are you sharing then? Pah, I’ll have to have one of these then” jokes to a giggling DGD who knows he’s teasing, and then presses another £3 into her hand on the way out with a quiet “get yourself another cake next time you’re at the market”. Everyone enjoys watching DGD enjoy a lovely silly cake remembering fondly how much treats like that meant as a child.

That’s how it’s meant to go.

notso · 08/10/2019 21:16

If you read the OP Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g it didn't happen like that at all.
We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake.
From the FIL I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

All of this implies the DD ate her cake at a different time to anyone else and it wasn't explained until later she'd bought it herself.

Otherwise why would the Grumpy FIL would be so surprised someone was eating cake if they were all sitting down eating it together.

MissMogwai · 08/10/2019 21:22

I can't imagine my dad saying that to any of his grandchildren. If anything he'd joke around and pretend to steal it. They would probably offer him a sniff of the napkin if he was lucky.

He certainly wouldn't think they were greedy or selfish for not sharing, because he's normal and it's one piece of cake.

Yes it would be rude and maybe greedy if she was eating a whole cake or if she was with friends but not immediate family.

Aprillygirl · 08/10/2019 21:30

The child, like most children, didn't want the grown up dessert.

What does this even mean?

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 08/10/2019 21:37

My daughter would have wanted the grown up dessert, and so would I. I well remember a time staying with my grandparents when for some unfathomable reason there was a box of Bendicks Bittermints in the house. We never had anything as sophisticated as that, and I was hoping to try one. My grandmother, a forthright woman, very rarely crossed, told me very firmly that I wouldn't like it. However, I managed to get hold of one anyway and I loved it. Still my Christmas present to myself every year.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 08/10/2019 21:43

Notso, you quote from the first post. The OP then says:

We brought other sweet things for everyone else - bags of fancy fudge, and quite a lot from the French patisserie stall - those little chocolate tortes and the like. Nobody was going without sweet things DD actually didn't have any of that except for a few bits of fudge. It wouldn't have occurred to me to expect her to share the cake.

Yes, we bought pudding, also the usual things you get at these markets, breads, deli stuff,chutneys. There was plenty of food and different choices for everyone. Just DD specifically wanted that cake. Tbh it wouldn't have occured to me to buy slices for everyone else, because it's very much a cake which is designed to look impressive(especially to children) but tastes of nothing except sugar and regret.

I actually can't remember if anyone mentioned that DD had bought the cake herself, I sort of thought we had, because we were talking about the market and what we'd got, and she was telling MIL all about how it was the one that everyone was taking pictures of on social media, so I assumed the message was clear, but maybe not. Maybe FIL wanted it so he could pose on Snapchat with it or something grin

DD could have had a patisserie if she wanted, I didn't deny her any and tell her to buy her own cake, the cake queue was a mile long, I had the "we've plenty spent a fortune here, you don't need the cake" discussion, and she did the "pleaaase, I'll buy it myself" thing, so I let her.

YouSirOweMeOneNewHat · 08/10/2019 21:51

600 comments arguing about cake.

I love Mumsnet. 

@SchadenfreudePersonified I can offer 1/8th of a Jelly Tot in return. I'm generous you see, plus I could hardly stomach a whole one to myself.