To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

[WaxMeltHoarder]

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

When does it become bad manners though? Your saying she's 12 so its acceptable, would it still be ok if she was 16? 18? 21?

Like I said before the massive difference here is the autonomy over your life and food. When you are 12 you have very little autonomy, most likely you can’t even take yourself to the corner shop for a bar of chocolate. When you are 16 or 21 you can. So the value to you as a child of 12 of a piece of cake is much higher.
Of course behaviour expectations of a 12 year old are different to an older teen or adult, just like you have different expectations of a 12 year old over a 5 year old.

Oh - just read right through your post notso - I see you did pick me up the way I meant, but disagreed.

I don't know when the cut-off age point for good/bad manners is - I expect it varies from child to child as some mature more quickly than others - but I certainly wouldn't expect a child of that age to offer round something she'd spent her own money on - or even if her parents had bought it at her request, as far as I would be concerned, it would be her choice of cake. OP has said it was small even though it was expensive. Why shouldn't she enjoy it? It was a little treat to herself.

I daresay if she could have trusted her GF to just take a taste, then sh might well have offered him some, but she has seen him devour the treats of much smaller people than her - and knew she'd be lucky if he didn't scoff the greater part of it.

People tend to be generous when they aren't taken advantage of. That GF (grand-father, or greedy fucker - whichever you prefer) will be lucky if anyone ever offers him a taste of anything ever again, because he can't be trusted.

If it were a friend's house or a distant relation then I think different rules apply but this was her grandfather. She should feel relaxed and at their home surely and not have to behave like a guest?

That’s interesting too. I think you use the same manners whoever you’re with. Well, unless you’re at a formal dinner or something....

@PlasticPatty

Your father in law is a cunt. Your baby bought her own cake, saved it until after her meal then ate it. She's a good, lovely child and your father in law can roll it and stuff it.

Er, ok then

No of course you don't share cake. Any size or any circumstance
gavel

@Orchidflower1 oooh! Nice! What flavour cake?
I've got some sad looking bananas in the fruit bowl, I might join you in making yummy smells in the house!

oh I’m totally going to start saying ‘and X can roll it and stuff it’ in RL

What adult would act this petty and jealous over a child with slice of cake? Absolutely pathetic.

FIL gobbled up the only Chocolate Raspberry cake all by himself

To be fair, the chocolate raspberry cake/torte was just an example of what was in the box, not necessarily what the FIL had eaten.The op's MIL might have eaten the chocolate raspberry cake. Have we established yet whether everyone was eating their cakes at the same time?

Is FIL a Daily Mail reader, by any chance?

My grandfather was just like this. By him a bar of chocolate for his birthday 'oh I don't even have to open this I know what it is' chucks it aside
Five minutes later for dinner- takes his dinner in the living room and eats alone
Hides our toys, eats our sweets, sulks and ignores you if you say something he doesn't like
Sadly for him he died alone on the floor for several days having had alienated everyone close to him with his nasty behaviour

Bloody hell. It rather a reach from a comment about cake to dying alone.

I’m not so sure. IME Mean with food/money = meanspirited in general.

The FIL is a fucker. Pinkyy is fucking ridiculous. 12 year olds ARE children. I teach them, my son is one. Child labour is illegal: there's no protected status in that matter. 12 year olds should be being schooled to expand their minds and widen their horizons not working 5 days. Don't use MN to further your very alternative views.

I think you handled this really well actually! I’m SO happy he didn’t get to have any of her cake - especially if he wanted bloody half! I would have been annoyed if he even had a bite tbh, he sounds greedy and rude. It clearly looks like a child’s cake, I can’t imagine it looking very appetising to the average adult.

Sadly for him he died alone on the floor for several days
Has this thread been nominated for Classics yet?

@mikulkin take it up with @mnhq if it bothers you.

Unless i have more, I would ask DD to save it for later or eat before the meet.

Even if it was the only slice of cake, most adults would give it to the child. Even if it meant they had nothing at all for themselves. And in terms of manners, yes it’s polite to offer something round - but if the person only has one piece it’s equally polite to say no thanks!

I am so so sad for your DN and the ducky biscuit incident 😢🤬

Your FIL is an absolute bastard from your descriptions.

May I suggest that DD and DN get together and bake FIL a cake?

I have some suggestions

It's her grandparents house not a formal party! I often take my kids with a gingerbread man or bag of apple slices to snack on to my in laws, I don't expect to have to take everyone a gingerbread man! I can't believe how many people have said they wouldn't allow a child to eat a piece of cake at their grandparents

most likely you can’t even take yourself to the corner shop for a bar of chocolate. When you are 16 or 21 you can. So the value to you as a child of 12 of a piece of cake is much higher.
I'd assume most 12 year olds are making their way to and from school my corner shop is full of kids in secondary school uniform in at 8:30 and 3:30. We know this one had pocket money to spend as she wishes too. Twelve is hardly a baby who can't go out alone, mine were regularly going off to Nando's/Cinema/Pizza Hut at that age.
Of course behaviour expectations of a 12 year old are different to an older teen or adult, just like you have different expectations of a 12 year old over a 5 year old
Obviously but I don't think it's unreasonable to expect the same manners from a 12 year old and 17 year old where as it would be unreasonable to expect the same from s 5 year old and a 12 year old.

Ugh he’s an idiot

I’m not so sure. IME Mean with food/money = meanspirited in general.

Agreed. My DH's grandad is a tight, mean man in every way. His age doesn't make him immune from criticism; he's ungrateful, often rude and totally selfish.

He always has been, but because he's 'old' it's somehow okay? Er no.