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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

999 replies

WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:24

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

OP posts:
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AryaStarkWolf · 08/10/2019 16:49

If somebody comes to my house, puts on the table variety of sweets and then takes out a slice of cake and eats on her/his own without offering to me I would wonder if that cake is so much nicer than other sweets and that is the reason it is not offered?

Are you also 12?

JacquesHammer · 08/10/2019 16:49

I would really love to come to each of your houses, put one box with sweets on the table, offer it to everyone, then open my own box and start eating different cake with a comment that this is mine and I cannot offer it to anyone and see your faces

If only someone had pointed it out, but FIL had his OWN fucking cake. The box of sweets isn’t an analogy unless you’re not sure what a chocolate torte.

RhiWrites · 08/10/2019 16:50

@mukilkin
OP didn’t buy any more of the rose gold sweet cake because she didn’t imagine any adult would want it when there were nice cakes for everyone.

If you came round to my house with a selection of fancy cakes for everyone and passed a bag of haribo to your kid I wouldn’t demand some haribo out of a bizarre sense of fairness. I wouldn’t want any.

OP had no idea FIL would expect a “share” of the sweetie cake. Although clearly she should now be prepared for this weird dick waving demand to get the kids sweets and every time a shortbread duck or pink cake is purchased say “oh let’s buy two, you know how FIL always wants the kids sweets”.

mikulkin · 08/10/2019 16:51

@MarshaBradyo because the sweets were not given to concrete people - they were offered to everyone and everyone took something from there. I personally would have cut a piece from the slice in case somebody else wants it but FIL didn't, he took the whole slice which once again shows he is rude and out of order.
But his bad behavior doesn't excuse OP's attitude.
So I stand by what I say.
Was FIL rude and out of order? Yes of course he was
Was OP unreasonable for allowing her DD having a separate cake (whoever paid for it) in front of everyone? Yes she was
It also teaches DD that if she pays she doesn't need to share. Not a great lesson from OP to her DD.
If it was my DC I would have said: actually if you are buying this I am not sure you can eat in front of everyone without offering to others? But if you really want to I will buy another piece for everyone so that you can have yours with others without offering, just remember for next time this is not usually the way to handle it.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/10/2019 16:51

anyone else in the mood for cake now?

I am ALWAYS in the mood for cake.

And pie.

I also love pie.

ambereeree · 08/10/2019 16:52

Take over his absolute worst cake or food next time. Greedy git... I would have laughed and called him out for being greedy.
From now on before you eat anything always loudly ask FIL if he needs to eat it as well as you don't want to upset him.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/10/2019 16:53

because the sweets were not given to concrete people

That is SO unfair Mikulkin.

So now you are aggregate-ist as well!

myrtleWilson · 08/10/2019 16:54

Pops my address on a DM so I can get a Milkukin reinterpretation of the cake scene from GroundhogDay

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/10/2019 16:54

I'm getting peckish now .

Would anyone like 1/327th of a jelly baby?

JacquesHammer · 08/10/2019 16:55

It also teaches DD that if she pays she doesn't need to share. Not a great lesson from OP to her DD

Actually I think teaching kids that you don’t always have to share is a pretty decent life lesson.

myrtleWilson · 08/10/2019 16:56

Oh Schaden in the words of the great advert " you are really spoiling us" Grin

mikulkin · 08/10/2019 16:56

@AryaStarkWolf no, I am not 12 but I like cakes and good manners....

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/10/2019 16:58
EnglishRose13 · 08/10/2019 16:58

This thread is so bizarre.

WorraLiberty · 08/10/2019 16:59

This thread is SO Mumsnet.

500+ posts of people arguing about cake since this morning Grin Grin

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/10/2019 16:59

Actually I think teaching kids that you don’t always have to share is a pretty decent life lesson.

I agree.

Being kind, being generous, being well-mannered does NOT mean being a doormat.

AryaStarkWolf · 08/10/2019 17:00

I am not 12 but I like cakes and good manners....

So your guest brings you cakes but you'd be pissed that you didn't get offered a bit of the child's haribo cake that she bought herself? That sounds extremely ungrateful and childish

ambereeree · 08/10/2019 17:00

All this talk about OPs daughter not sharing and being rude... It's her grandparents house. She should be able to relax and eat a bit of cake in peace.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/10/2019 17:00

There are tanks and troops massing on the borders Worra. The official line is "manoeuvres", but I think we all know better, don''t we?

ShadowOnTheSun · 08/10/2019 17:01

Jesus. Grown-ass man moaning about his own granddaughter's small slice of cake? Pathetic. It sounds like there were plenty of other sweet things to eat as well. Immature and ridiculous.

To be honest, I probably would have bought a slice-each, in case everybody would like to try this particular cake. But still, there were other things to eat and your FIL was being a bit of a dick.

About the duck biscuit.. Seriously? What kind of fully grown adult eats half of the small child's biscuit? Unbelievable.

Daffodil2018 · 08/10/2019 17:01

He is being ridiculous.

BlueMoon1103 · 08/10/2019 17:03

@sussexmama33 Is she Jesus? Grin

@WaxMeltHoarder no YANBU, everyone else had treats too. Even if your DD had taken the ‘best’ piece so what? Someone would have got it so why is it selfish? As it was she bought it with her own money and didn’t eat everyone else’s treats so no, she should not have been expected to share or eat it at another point, she’s allowed to eat her own food! She ate lunch first, no problem other than your FIL. That’s horrendous to embarrass her for having a treat.

phoenixrosehere · 08/10/2019 17:06

Yanbu

What grown man acts like a baby over a slice of cake a child bought with their own money?

Why would you even expect someone to share a slice of cake?

You and your dh didn’t have to buy or bring them anything and he decided to be a jerk about a piece of cake that his own granddaughter has. I wouldn’t be bringing any kind of food to him in the future of that is his behaviour.

MN never fails to surprise me.

phoenixrosehere · 08/10/2019 17:06

*if

Sheld0r · 08/10/2019 17:06

Thanks to this thread I've had to go out and buy chocolate cake! DD and I have just stuffed our faces! No, we are not sharing with anyone else and no, there's no regret here!