To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

[WaxMeltHoarder]

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

I just want to see the cake it sounds magical!

PancakeAndKeith yes, that's why I wasn't about to make DD share regardless. I have long remembered FIL's attitude to the duck shortbread, he would have had half that cake eaten. I work with children, and I know how incredibly important small treats are, and how powerless they feel when an adult acts unfairly. It really annoys me when people expect children to "get over it" when it's something that is a big deal to a child, if not to an adult

This whole thread is so bizarre. OP, of course you weren't being unreasonable.

I really want to see this cake as well.

This post has made me really want cake.

Is it old school manners to be rude to guests visiting your house? Sounds like it is for some folk.

so 12 year olds should be held to a higher standard for manners?

Nope. If you read my posts I said FIL was rude.

@Pinkyyy I see your posts saying you’re being bullied and targeted and you claim You're also wrong about me standing up for the FIL. I haven't. I've said quite clearly I don't agree with him.

But that’s not true. On page one you agreed strongly that FIL was right. You posted:
By that age surely she should have learned some manners. OP you were rude to allow it to happen. My children would have given it to their grandparents before sitting and eating it in front of them. It's a slice of cake and is easily replaceable.

So please don’t criticise other posters for taking issue with what you actually said.

@WaxMeltHoarder
Could you post a pic of the cake please? A random pic from Instagram would be fab

Not posting the actual cake because I can't be arsed trawling social media and you'll all know where I live, but imagine a small square slice of this, with more haribo and less lollies, all sprayed rose gold

There's a huge difference between the votes and the comments posted here. I really think there is a huge difference between the manners we expect outside the family and when there are other adults and children present.

Of course it is polite to offer to share. However, most of us say 'no thank you' when we see someone has only got one piece of cake. However, FIL has very bad form - what adult eats half (and the more exciting half at that) of a child's biscuit? It was an informal family meal - I was personally impressed that WaxMeltHoarder's daughter had behaved so well, accepting that if she wanted the special cake, she had to pay for it. Go WMH's D - I think you are great. Have some more cake

Greedy grandad. What did he bring to share?

Those of you so disgusted that the cake wasn’t a choice for the adults- Is it the pretty rose gold colour? Or the sweeties that would make you jealous? I and I suspect most adults would immediately realise that the cake was a sugar high, lacking in taste and flavour! With delicious tarts and such to choose from, it is ridiculous to expect to be given the option of a treat that a child has not only chosen but paid for! The OP bought a lovely selection of adult desserts and a treat for her dd- the FIL is an adult, therefore he needs to quit behaving like an entitled toddler and thank the op for the delicious treats that she brought!

The OP’s father in law is clearly a greedy bully, who believes himself entitled to whatever he wants! He never offered anyone a share of the delicious sounding chocolate tart, nor did any of the other adults because it is ridiculous for grown adults to demand to share each other’s dessert! Not only that, he has form for disgusting gluttony and deliberately distressing his own little grandson to satisfy his greed!

The OP and her dd are not in the wrong here! The cruel and toxic father in law certainly is! He believes he has power over children, that he is entitled to take what he wants from them, whether they want him to or no! That is a toxic behaviour and his gaslighting and calling his grandchildren greedy or selfish is a disgrace!

It would be the last time he was ever eating in the presence of my child and I would be very wary of leaving my children alone with such a bully!

I still probably wouldn't have let my child buy a special cake different to everyone else's food when going to eat at someone else's house, especially as the OP says FIL is known to be greedy and moany about food so this was maybe always a likely scenario.

So a child should be denied a treat bought with her own money because a fully grown man cannot be relied on to not cause a scene?

Honestly if someone came to your house with arms full of lovely food, including puddings and said ‘look at this lovely cake DD has, she bought it with her own money’, you would strop and huff that you didn’t get any?
Most normal people would comment how lovely the cake looked and leave it at that.

If somebody comes to my house, puts on the table variety of sweets and then takes out a slice of cake and eats on her/his own without offering to me I would wonder if that cake is so much nicer than other sweets and that is the reason it is not offered?

Really Mkulkin?

I wouldn't give it a thought. And I especially wouldn't give it a thought in a situation like this where EVERYBODY HAD A NICE CAKE!

Effectively all that happened was the child got first choice - and why shouldn't she? She paid for it herself.

I am shocked at these responses.

I would really love to come to each of your houses, put one box with sweets on the table, offer it to everyone, then open my own box and start eating different cake with a comment that this is mine and I cannot offer it to anyone and see your faces.

I know she is 12 year old child but OP is not 12 and she is next to her DD. Encouraging good manners or at least covering for your DC (by buying extra slice of the same cake and putting it into the common pot) is something you would expect from adults.

and for the 100th time FIL was out of order and rude by reacting the way he did but that doesn't excuse the fact that OP (not her DD) was not reasonable.

So OP will this issue get resolved with FIL? Will anyone be having a firm word with him or will he be allowed to get away with voicing his entitled attitude again and again?

I would appreciate no capital letters and no swearing

I APOLOGISE UN-FUCKING-RESERVEDLY FOR MY BAD LANGUAGE AND CAPS LOCK ADDICTION!!!!!

(You can have the exclamation marks as a gift)

And as for you WaxMelt - we were all playing nicely and then you came along and posted this! You are nothing but a troublemaker.

Go to your room and just think about what you have done.

And stop smirking.

Milkukin why do you keep saying share one box of sweets. FIL had his own piece of cake.

Mikulkin

I shall send you my address.

Anyone who puts free sweets on my table is welcome in my home, and can eat whatever the hell she has brought with her for her personal delight. Even if it's Rose Gold Cake covered with Haribo.

And I had to scan thread to see that and also read ‘tastes of nothing but sugar and regret’ which a great way to put it.

Yes, but there was only ONE BOX of cakes Marsha

YANBU. Your FIL sounds like a knobhead.

I can't believe this is even a debate. Why should OP's DD enjoy her cake she bought with her pocket money?

Would FIL demand to share her toys if she brought them round too?

Unrelated... anyone else in the mood for cake now?

It was a fucking slice of cake that she ate whilst everyone ate their own, fuck off with your rude comments. This is utter bullshit that lots of you, including the kids own grandfather, wouldn't let a fucking 12 year old eat something aimed at kids which she'd picked and paid for, and then accused of being rude when she didn't offer to share!!! No other fucker shared, why aren't they being 'taught what's right'

@CSIblonde - It was a bit rude to only have cake for one person if there was no dessert offered with the food you took. They felt they'd missed out on a treat & she was getting special treatment.

Good grief are you really struggling to understand OP's posts

OP bought everyone a cake! FIL gobbled up the only Chocolate Raspberry cake all by himself and didn't offer to share it but wanted some of his granddaughter's cake in addition to his own cake

Lol Schaden so people have box envy as well as rose gold haribo envy. I want cake in its own box