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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

999 replies

WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:24

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

OP posts:
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mikulkin · 08/10/2019 15:08

@MaxNormal I agree if it is a child I wouldn't be angry and definitely wouldn't say anything in the rude way FIL has said it. But in my mind I would think that the mother sitting next to the child should have thought about it/

MarshaBradyo · 08/10/2019 15:08

Funny thread. Who knew people begrudged someone, a 12 year old even, with a better looking piece of cake.

michaelbaubles · 08/10/2019 15:09

Also, I can't be the only adult who wouldn't care less if a child had a special treat that other people didn't have. Because of them being a child! My DC get loads of things I don't get and I don't insist on chomping half of it (I just wait until they're sick of it and eat whatever's left...).

Heck, I took them out for Sunday lunch and only bought dessert for the DCs...this is pretty standard behaviour in my book.

And as for grandparents trying to take things off a GDC...well hell would freeze over before that happened around my DC, they're too busy drowning under treats when DGPs are around!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 08/10/2019 15:09

But in my mind I would think that the mother sitting next to the child should have thought about it/ She did. She thought "Oh look, DD is really enjoying that cake she bought!" What the fuck else was there to think?

YouSirOweMeOneNewHat · 08/10/2019 15:09

Good God, some people here really need to take a long, hard look at themselves in the mirror.

Cake aside, how dare FIL even think of moaning when he has been catered with (what sounds like) delicious and relatively expensive food.

He's been fed, he's had a dessert - all provided to him at his own house.

DD bought her own dessert, she didn't want an artisan chocolate torte, she wanted rose gold cake.
Which is what she got, for herself, because that's what she wanted for her own pudding.

She's not sat there, savouring every mouthful whilst hungry DPs and GPs looked on. They'd all eaten and were all having something sweet.

FIL has just got an idea that he's somehow lost out because DDs cake was different. 'How dare the female child have something different, hers might be nicer, I should be allowed to have it.'

The only one being selfish, weird and childish here is FIL. I wouldn't be supplying him with food anymore.

mikulkin · 08/10/2019 15:10

@CuriousaboutSamphire I said before that FIL was rude but once again I do believe in good manners. So whether this was bought with child's money or not OP should have thought this is not polite: either suggested to her DD not to eat in front of everyone or bought another slice like that to put on the table.

DarlingNikita · 08/10/2019 15:12

Arguably the FIL thought DD's cake was better otherwise he wouldn't have been bothered by having some of it

That is very much his problem.
Worth pointing out again at this juncture that this is a grown man. IME it is generally those under the age of about 5 who throw their toys out because someone else has got something better than what they’ve got.

footchewer · 08/10/2019 15:14

Sharing a slice of cake is a good thing to do. However she's 12, it was her own money and you'd brought lots of things for everyone else to have. Your FiL has overreacted on this occasion, based on your description.

mankyfourthtoe · 08/10/2019 15:14

Fil chose a desert from a box and ate it.
Dd bought a cake and ate.

Seems fair to me, only get pil to get their own food in next time. Tight git

Blue7 · 08/10/2019 15:14

mikulkin nobody I know loves cakes this much to give a shit.

isithotinhereorisitjustme · 08/10/2019 15:16

YANB even remotely U - everyone else had a dessert (provided by you) - DD spent her pocket money on her own special, much wanted dessert. FIL sounds like a rude fun sponge who sucks the joy out of things - I had a grandparent like this and nobody intervened and it did mess with my head so good for you for sticking up for DD.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 08/10/2019 15:19

He's old enough to get over not having cake without taking it from a child. Twattery of the highest order.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 08/10/2019 15:19

once again I do believe in good manners. So whether this was bought with child's money or not OP should have thought this is not polite: either suggested to her DD not to eat in front of everyone or bought another slice like that to put on the table. Absolute madness. UberPC, virtue signalling, look at me I am polite madness!

I cannot conceive of a world were you take that to its logical conclusion.. eveyone has the same house, shoes, coat, haircut, car, plate, cup, cutlery, bed, bedding etc etc etc etc... so nobody ever feels left out! COme to think about it, I am sure there has been a dystopian book or threee written on the subject!

chocatoo · 08/10/2019 15:26

Gosh we seem to be a nation divided over cake! There are a lot of people on both sides getting their knickers in right old twist on this thread.

HavelockVetinari · 08/10/2019 15:40

EVERYONE HAD DESSERT has become the new cancel the cheque Grin

Once more, for the hard of thinking: there was a whole selection of tarts and pastries for everyone. FIL did not share his.

OccasionalNachos · 08/10/2019 15:40

This thread is hilarious 😂

Handbag101 · 08/10/2019 15:45

She's 12. Let her enjoy every bit of that cake. With all the social media these days and the pressure on young girls to look a certain way even at a young age, let her enjoy it. In fact let her have two slices next time.....

GrandmaSteglitszch · 08/10/2019 15:58

A lot of strange people have commented here about the supposed rudeness of the child and her parents.

However 94% of those who have voted say to the OP - YANBU.

notso · 08/10/2019 16:02

With all the social media these days and the pressure on young girls to look a certain way even at a young age, let her enjoy it.
In this case it was social media that made her want the cake.

notso · 08/10/2019 16:02

How do you vote?

pikapikachu · 08/10/2019 16:09

You've not done anything wrong.

You said that if there was another child you would have bought 2 rose gold sweetie cakes which I agree with.

Your FIL is clearly a toddler who wants anything that other people have got. Next time get him a child's cake as he likes sweetie cakes and duck biscuits.

My only question to OP is why your dd had to pay for her cake if the parents were buying for everyone else? I'm assuming that as it was a market, everybody else's was a similar price?

Original poster
WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 16:11

I am so sorry for starting such a divisive thread Grinfeel like David Cameron must have, the day after the EU referendum Grin DD is Nigel Farage and the cake is the backstop GrinCake

OP posts:
PancakeAndKeith · 08/10/2019 16:11

What I think a lot of people are failing to understand is that there is a big difference between buying a piece of cake when you are 12 or when you are an adult.

As an adult you generally have autonomy over your food, you don’t nearly as much as a child.
Therefore deciding what you want and buying it is more important to a child than an adult.

AryaStarkWolf · 08/10/2019 16:14

Who shares a slice of cake around though? even as an adult, especially when everyone else has dessert of their own?

2Rebecca · 08/10/2019 16:14

I voted YANBU, but I still probably wouldn't have let my child buy a special cake different to everyone else's food when going to eat at someone else's house, especially as the OP says FIL is known to be greedy and moany about food so this was maybe always a likely scenario. FIL was unreasonable and rude for commenting on it, especially as the girl just had 1 cake like him, but I would have said I'd buy it for her a different day or explained before the cakes were dished out that she'd paid for this herself and it was a "children's" cake.
FIL's reaction would make me be disinclined to ever take lunch round when visiting again though.

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