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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

999 replies

WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:24

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

OP posts:
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pumkinspicetime · 08/10/2019 14:54
  • Technically it would have been polite for her to offer her piece of cake. And the polite thing would be for everyone to appreciate the gesture, but to refuse.

But it was not polite it draw attention to it. *

I agree with this. The issue is that FIL wouldn't have stuck to this social convention. So I think I would have highlighted that dd paid for this cake herself which was why she was eating something different.
Thankfully we have no one like FIL in our family.

MaxNormal · 08/10/2019 14:55

It's absolutely fine what your DD did. Your FIL is rude and horrible. And I'm the original child free intolerant cowbag. I'd have been furious if someone had done that to my nephew when he was twelve.
What sort of nasty bastard would want to muscle in and spoil a child's special treat?

myrtleWilson · 08/10/2019 14:55

If your DD really wanted that cake she either had to eat it at home after the visit or you should have bought a couple of more slices so you can offer it to others. I realise you bought other sweets but it is still not polite

everyone else wasn't sharing one mint imperial between them - the OP brought a variety of patisserie. Cake was available to all, all had cake

Teacakeandalatte · 08/10/2019 14:55

In my family (and I imagine the majority of families) the biggest problem has been fighting off people who want to give dd sweeties and cakes. My own FiL would always keep several bags of sweets in the cupboard for her just in case she visited. Luckily dd was a strange child who wasn't that bothered about sweets so I didn't have a problem with this as some people do. The thought of someone wanting to take a childs special cake is completely outside my experience in our family and as I say I don't think we are unusual, they would be more likely to give her the £3 back so she didn't lose out on her spending money.
So for this reason I vote your FiL to be highly unreasonable.

mikulkin · 08/10/2019 14:57

and for people who say she is 12 she might not understand this was not polite but OP (who is an adult) supports her. OP, would you bring a slice of cake to somebody's house and eat on your own? I really hope, no, so why don't you teach your DD to do the same?

MaxNormal · 08/10/2019 14:58

OP, would you bring a slice of cake to somebody's house and eat on your own?

Since it was alongside other slices of cake, what on earth would the problem be? It's not like no-one else had anything!

JacquesHammer · 08/10/2019 14:58

and for people who say she is 12 she might not understand this was not polite but OP (who is an adult) supports her. OP, would you bring a slice of cake to somebody's house and eat on your own? I really hope, no, so why don't you teach your DD to do the same?

This is the same OP who provided a range of delicious foods for everyone to eat...

mikulkin · 08/10/2019 14:59

@myrtleWilson the OP brought a variety of sweets but only one slice of that particular cake. You don't eat in front of everyone something which is not available to them.

ElizaPancakes · 08/10/2019 14:59

Fuck sake @mikulkin, THEY TOOK A VARIETY OF PASTRIES AND CAKES SO EVERYONE HAD SOMETHING! It’s not the same!

MarshaBradyo · 08/10/2019 14:59

She wasn’t eating on her own.

Everyone had something

MaxNormal · 08/10/2019 14:59

And actually, thinking about it, I'm sure there were times when my nephew did turn up with some sort of treat food for himself, it wouldn't have crossed my mind to give it a second thought? I'm not a greedy, spiteful loon though.

pumkinspicetime · 08/10/2019 15:00

It wasn't a random house to be fair to dgd, it was a family house.
Like Teacake our biggest issue is dc getting too many treats from grandparents.

MarshaBradyo · 08/10/2019 15:01

People are idiots honestly. Let a child enjoy a piece of what sounds like exciting (to her) cake.

mikulkin · 08/10/2019 15:02

@MaxNormal the difference is you put everything else on the table to share but you keep that particular slice of cake to yourself. It is not polite, I am really surprised you think it is ok. If somebody comes to my house, puts on the table variety of sweets and then takes out a slice of cake and eats on her/his own without offering to me I would wonder if that cake is so much nicer than other sweets and that is the reason it is not offered?

JacquesHammer · 08/10/2019 15:02

You don't eat in front of everyone something which is not available to them

Everyone ate something different. IT was a range of cakes and pastries. FIL had the only chocolate torte. Should he have not eaten that as there was only one thus not available to everyone?

myrtleWilson · 08/10/2019 15:04

@mikulkin the OP bought a selection of cakes - there were no duplicate cakes ergo everyone had a different cake. Your suggestion that no-one should eat something if it is not available to the rest of the guests would in this instance mean that nobody ate anything - seems a rather drab way to end a luncheon?

Drogosnextwife · 08/10/2019 15:04

I wouldn't be sharing my one slice if cake I had bought for myself, why should your dd? Because she is a child and should just always do what grown ups say no matter how unreasonable and childish they are being.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 08/10/2019 15:04

the OP brought a variety of sweets but only one slice of that particular cake. Actually OP bought a variety of pastries, 1 of each. Her DD bought herselff a single slice of cake and did not partake of the pastries. So EVERYONE had a sweet thing that was not available to anyone else!

You don't eat in front of everyone something which is not available to them. SO EVERYONE was rude. NOBODY should have had a sweet thing. They should ALL have stayed in thbox! OP could have taken them all home and sat in a cupboard, alone, and eaten, sorry STUFFED the lot!

See how stupid it gets? RIdiculous palaver over an adult with serious jealousy issues!

mikulkin · 08/10/2019 15:04

@ElizaPancakes, first of all, speaking of manners, I would appreciate no capital letters and no swearing.
Second of all, as I said in the other post that particular cake had only one slice which wasn't offered.
I understand 12 year old one wouldn't think about it but the adults should have.

MaxNormal · 08/10/2019 15:06

If somebody comes to my house, puts on the table variety of sweets and then takes out a slice of cake and eats on her/his own without offering to me I would wonder if that cake is so much nicer than other sweets and that is the reason it is not offered?

If it was a CHILD? You're barking Grin

mikulkin · 08/10/2019 15:06

once again the rest was put on the table and people took different things. With the slice of cake the choice was not given to people, it was reserved
I am actually surprised this is even a discussion. Child doesn't understand that but adults should...

MaxNormal · 08/10/2019 15:06

Oh and it's mumsnet, we're allowed to FUCKING SWEAR.

KokiriForest · 08/10/2019 15:07

All of this over a sodding slice of cake really.

Blue7 · 08/10/2019 15:07

@myrtleWilson the OP brought a variety of sweets but only one slice of that particular cake. You don't eat in front of everyone something which is not available to them.

Any normal adult would not get emotional over the piece of cake not being available to them. Unless they have a binge eating disorder. He is bonkers.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 08/10/2019 15:07

Second of all, as I said in the other post that particular cake had only one slice which wasn't offered. Because a child bought it, using their own pocket money. What kind of grandparent would have an issue with that?

I understand 12 year old one wouldn't think about it but the adults should have. The adults didn't have to, it was the child's own cake - and she ate it!

Again... what kind of grandfather takes issue, jealous issue at that, when his own grandchild is obviously enjoying something?