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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

999 replies

WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:24

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
macmustard · 08/10/2019 14:18

It's rude to eat in front of people and not share.

You realise it's a slice of cake and not an entire cake right? Who the fuck shares a slice of cake round? There were other treats too.

Celebelly · 08/10/2019 14:18

I feel sorry for anyone so uptight that they'd get their knickers in a twist about a 12yo eating some cake they'd bought for themselves. What a fucking depressing way to live your life.

JacquesHammer · 08/10/2019 14:19

I find it utterly bizarre there are families where a 12 year old would be expected to sit and have no pudding, for fear of offending adults who are eating their own puddings.

That’s some fucked up dynamic.

macmustard · 08/10/2019 14:20

How are burgers and sausages the equivalent of chocolate tortes and fancy fudge 😂

Celebelly · 08/10/2019 14:22

I find it utterly bizarre there are families where a 12 year old would be expected to sit and have no pudding, for fear of offending adults who are eating their own puddings.

I'm hopeful that this is a 'only on MN' thing because I've never come across adults behaving in this manner, thankfully. But if you do behave like this, give your head a fucking wobble and think about what actually matters in life. Miserable sods. Life's too short and all that...

Aprillygirl · 08/10/2019 14:23

I mean she could have offered everyone a sweet, seeing as though it was piled high with them, but it's no biggy that she didn't and your FIL was an argumentative twat to make a big deal of it.

TheNavigator · 08/10/2019 14:23

I would have told my daughter to share if she was going to eat in front of people. That’s just common decency. If you’re not prepared to share wait until later to eat it.

Why doesn't that apply to the adults? None of them shared? There is a real 'anti-child' vibe from some posters - like it really irks them to imagine a 12 year old having something enjoyable so they have to desperately stretch to find some way to rain on their parade.

user1472709746 · 08/10/2019 14:24

So surprised at the reactions. I would def have said to DD that while she was within her rights to buy a piece of cake for just herself to eat in someone else's house without offering anyone a bit that it was also a rude thing to do. If you're going to lunch at someones house you don't bring dessert for just yourself... she's a kid so she should have been advised that it could be taken as rude

DarlingNikita · 08/10/2019 14:24

notso, I think in the BBQ example the implication is that chicken/steak are better than burgers and sausages? So, false equivalence: there’s no suggestion here that the DD’s cake was ‘better’ than any of the others.
And the play date example is clearly completely different, and so irrelevant; I’m repeating myself here, but in this scenario everyone had cakes to eat. I’m quite surprised if you genuinely can’t understand why that’s not a comparable situation.

burritofan · 08/10/2019 14:24

If she'd spent her £3 pocket money on glitter, make-up, a magazine, slap bracelets (I have no idea what 12-year-old girls spend their money on), she wouldn't have been expected to share.

The OP brought lunch and pudding for everyone; DD's cake is separate from that. Also: it's a fucking slice of sugary cake, FIL is clearly awful and the uptight half of this thread don't know how to have fun.

michaelbaubles · 08/10/2019 14:24

It isn't the same behaviour at all - EVERYONE had plenty of food and it was all, by the sounds of it, lovely and of the same quality. Taking a child's prized slice of cake away or begrudging her something she bought with her own money is just strange, as is not letting her eat in in front of other people who are ALSO EATING NICE THINGS.

Celebelly · 08/10/2019 14:27

WHY CAN'T PEOPLE READ THE THREAD? EVERYONE HAD CAKES AND TREATS!

Lord above. Even if they didn't, he would still have been a miserable sod, though. But given he was quite happy 'stuffing' his face with stuff bought for him, then he's not just a miserable sod, but an absurdly ungrateful one too. So he's the rude one.

DarlingNikita · 08/10/2019 14:27

If you're going to lunch at someones house you don't bring dessert for just yourself

OK, you are surely having a laugh here. There was dessert for everyone. For the hundredth time.

user1472709746 · 08/10/2019 14:28

Just saw that you did bring other desserts. that's no where near as bad tbf! Still probs would have advised her to save her cake for later though

MarshaBradyo · 08/10/2019 14:30

Haven’t rtft but he could have bought his own cake silly man.

user1472709746 · 08/10/2019 14:30

Lol sorry I will read before I post next time

NearlyGranny · 08/10/2019 14:30

I'm seeing FiL with darting, piggy eyes, noticing what and how much is on everyone else's plate.

DH had a reputation for swooping on the children's plates, once saying, "You clearly aren't going to eat these, DD," to which she wailed her reply, "Those are my best and I was saving them till last!" as whatever it was disappeared down his neck.

He raised anything left in the fridge, which was a constant friction as DC got older and bought their own treats, and during odd spells they lived with us as adults.

The cry would go up, "If there's anything nice in the fridge, Dad, you know it's NOT FOR YOU!"

Some people are just gannets.

UndertheCedartree · 08/10/2019 14:32

Why on earth shouldn't your daughter eat her dessert while everyone else had theirs? Why should she share hers? Did anyone else offer to share theirs?? The cake your DD had was aimed at children with sweets and icing on top - it wouldn't have really been to an adults taste hence you bought different desserts for the adults. Honestly, it's quite straighforward.
YANBU at all!

Celebelly · 08/10/2019 14:32

These threads always make me feel thankful for my own family and upbringing at least, which is/was thankfully free of this kind of ridiculous pettiness and absurdity! So that's one plus.

Grumpelstilskin · 08/10/2019 14:33

My paternal grandfather was a selfish, greedy and nasty cunt like that too. Luckily my DF was the polar opposite and both my parents tried to protect and shield me from him. He too tried to take my special treats but my mother slapped his hand away Grin

MarshaBradyo · 08/10/2019 14:34

People should leave other people’s food alone and stop making digs. Annoying to read let alone be subject to.

Box of chocolates sure don’t bring those and not offer but cake? can it.

TheNavigator · 08/10/2019 14:35

So surprised at the reactions. I would def have said to DD that while she was within her rights to buy a piece of cake for just herself to eat in someone else's house without offering anyone a bit that it was also a rude thing to do. If you're going to lunch at someones house you don't bring dessert for just yourself... she's a kid so she should have been advised that it could be taken as rude

Dessert was bought for everyone. Repeat - everyone had a dessert. Nobody shared. FIL wanted a share of his granddaughter's in addition to his own. Which he did not share. So how on earth can you somehow make out the child is rude? Just how?

OohthatlovelyNigelfromBabyClub · 08/10/2019 14:36

My Grandad would be exactly like this. He is rude, selfish and greedy.
And how he has diabetes but still has cake whenever we come over, his blood sugar is through the roof.

tangled2 · 08/10/2019 14:37

FFS. Yes, your daughter was EXTREMELY rude, she should've eaten it in a cupboard or public toilet where no one could see her and want a bit. She should also share her Easter egg and advent calendar chocolate too if there are any other adults in the vicinity who may be feeling sad and left out.

Witchinaditch · 08/10/2019 14:37

@thenavigator It does apply to adults, if I had a treat for myself that I didn’t want to share I would have waited until I got home. It’s not anti child I try and treat everyone equally child or adult..