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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

999 replies

WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:24

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

OP posts:
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7
Caledoniahasmyheartforever · 08/10/2019 13:45

What a cruel and horrible man, why on earth would you want your dd to be around such a disgusting bully! After the duck shortbread incident, I would have put distance between him and my dc!

I don’t understand why only dd is expected to share, if all of the sweet treats were individual (only one of each) then why were you all not expected to ‘share’- I guess at a restaurant he would expect to try his companions food too? Your FIL is utterly wrong and in your dh’s shoes I would pull him up for his disgraceful behaviour! He sounds like a greedy, entitled toddler!

YouSirOweMeOneNewHat · 08/10/2019 13:47

Back to you though OP (bit of a ramble there Blush)

Your FIL is not a very nice man.

The shortbread incident makes me want to cry. I can just imagine someone doing that to my DD (and not pretending to have some) and making her sob.
The shortbread would have been wedged firmly up his other hole and I'd have bought her the giant Millie's Cookie to eat in front of him, whilst he was having his biscuit surgically removed (crumb by crumb!)

Your DDs cake, that she bought, is hers. She sourced it, wanted it bad enough to wait in a long queue, paid for it. Hers.

I agree with the others; he feels that he should've had first pick of that DD should've given up her cake whilst being ever do grateful for what was left over.
He needs to get a grip, he had a (very nice) dinner and dessert brought to him.

I wonder, if you go to dinner with him, does he lay claim on others' food if he feels it's nicer than his?
Does MIL martyr herself and make sure he gets the biggest, best portions while she's left with scraps?

Batcrazy101 · 08/10/2019 13:48

@blue7
He is a grown man not a 2 year old.

and this is why he is a twat but he didn’t grow in to an oversize man child over night, if you read OP’s updates, he is always like this so why would you want your child to be on the other end of it…. Especially if OP or OH hasn’t challenged his behaviour in the past.

FinallyHere · 08/10/2019 13:51

I would have encouraged her to wait until we were at home

this ^

In our immediate family, sharing is absolutely the rule. It was drummed into us and I agree that things taste better when they are shared.

DH's family would be entirely happy, even encourage someone, to eat say a box of chocolates without offering them round, saying oh no, it's your birthday treat.

I know which I prefer.

derxa · 08/10/2019 13:53

he is always like this so why would you want your child to be on the other end of it…. Especially if OP or OH hasn’t challenged his behaviour in the past. OP seemed to set up a situation that was bound to end badly.

bigbluebus · 08/10/2019 13:55

My son's memories of his Grandparents and visits will be of quality time spent, trips out, ice creams bought and a £10 note sneaked into his pocket as we left. Sadly it seems that your daughter's memories ( and those of her cousin) of her Grandfather will be of a rude, selfish man who would steal the food out of the mouths of children. How sad. I cannot imagine wanting to deprive any child of a treat

Ninkaninus · 08/10/2019 14:00

Sharing is an act of kindness and generosity, to be chosen willingly on the giver’s part, not an obligation to be demanded by others.

We share lots of things in our family (food included, as appropriate) but if someone is given a special treat or gift of something edible then that is theirs and I wouldn’t dream of demanding ‘my’ share. How grabby and entitled.

Sharing generally and still respecting others’ boundaries is not difficult to negotiate.

But, as ever, there are two kinds of people in the world...

jackstini · 08/10/2019 14:01

Could all have been avoided if you had just said 'we've bought cakes for everyone; except dd has bought her own'

Duck incident horrible and your FIL sounds like an entitled and rather rude knobhead

Hate people that use words like 'stuffing in' Angry my DM has said before 'that's a bit piggy' (when it wasn't!) and it gives me the rage!!

NearlyGranny · 08/10/2019 14:01

FFS, you cannot share a single slice of cake between a tableful of people! And everyone had their own choice of a range of sweet things bought for the occasion by OP. FiL is a greedy guys and a child-shamer. Had he been offered a 'taste', on previous form he would have chomped down on more than half the slice.

The only rude person here was FiL with his vile comment.

The only solutions are either to go NC with him (nuclear option) or never to take cake or any treats to his home or offer them to him in yours.

Was he a child during wartime sweet rationing or something? Can he be that old? I did have a couple of PoW uncles who were understandably screwed up about food for the rest of their lives, so perhaps FiL has some sort of food hang-up from earlier in his life. He must not be allowed to pass that on to another generation, though!

NearlyGranny · 08/10/2019 14:02

Greedy guts. Though greedy guys is not inappropriate.

KUGA · 08/10/2019 14:04

Your fil needs to grow up.
What a twaty thing to say especially in front of dd.
Next time buy a piece of cake for him only and put something nasty in/on it.
ENJOY FIL.

DarlingNikita · 08/10/2019 14:05

I would have encouraged her to wait until we were at home

Technically it would have been polite for her to offer her piece of cake

I think I’d have said to DD to eat the communal puds and take her bought treat home. It’s alwys a bit odd someone having something different.

Comments like this are just off-the-scale weird.

Batcrazy101 · 08/10/2019 14:06

Even though she bought it herself I still think it’s nice to share.

How many times have you said or heard “oh my this is soooo good, would you like to try a bit?” the normal response (especially to a child) is thanks but you enjoy it! The offer is still nice!
And if FIL said yes, she peels a small bit off and lets him try it.

IMO that’s what DD should have done and FIL should have said no.

notso · 08/10/2019 14:08

Comments like this are just off-the-scale weird.
Why?

Ninkaninus · 08/10/2019 14:09

@DarlingNikita

Quite. There are some batshit crazy people in the world, that’s for sure. Especially when it comes to food.

EmperorBallpitine · 08/10/2019 14:11

If she bought it for herself and there were other cakes to eat then YANBU. Adults should not demand children share things they spent their own pocket money on.

DarlingNikita · 08/10/2019 14:12

notso, because there was loads of cake/pudding for everyone. The ‘problem’ as far as I can tell was just that the DD had something different from the adults, not that she was eating cake while everyone else had to watch empty-handed.

I really can’t put it more simply or clearly than that.

HairyFloppins · 08/10/2019 14:12

Comments like this are just off-the-scale weird.

Agree!

Why should she share her cake?. I don't share food, I don't want too.

MN is such a weird place at times.

Witchinaditch · 08/10/2019 14:13

I would have told my daughter to share if she was going to eat in front of people. That’s just common decency. If you’re not prepared to share wait until later to eat it.

73Sunglasslover · 08/10/2019 14:14

I think I might be going against the grain here and I've not read other posts. But I think it's fine not to share, but then you need to eat it when you're alone. It's rude to eat in front of people and not share.

mummmy2017 · 08/10/2019 14:15

It is one small slice of cake, with decorations. There was only enough for one person. There were other treats.

mummmy2017 · 08/10/2019 14:16

How come no one else demanded DD share ?

notso · 08/10/2019 14:17

So DarlingNikita would you be happy with my barbecue example everyone has burgers and sausages to eat but the hosts have steak and chicken just for them?
Or the play date example someone else gave Mum brings out biscuits just for her and her own child.
I think both of those are weird behaviour and I also don't think they are any different to what happen in the OP except in this case the other party was also rude.

DarlingNikita · 08/10/2019 14:17

It's rude to eat in front of people and not share.

EVERYBODY was eating Confused They were all eating a selection of puddings and cakes.

This must be a parallel universe.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 08/10/2019 14:18

Wow!

Short version:

Grandfather gets jealous over grandchild's slice of cake!

MN Horde condemns child rude, lacking in decency.

Many usual day time posters back away.... scared!

Some of you are, as pp has said, posting weird weird comments!

Swipe left for the next trending thread