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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

999 replies

WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:24

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

OP posts:
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7
Pinkyyy · 08/10/2019 13:10

@Crunchymum don't worry, that wasn't directed at you. I've just come to feel as though there are a bunch of posters here who, no matter what thread I'm on, always seem to attack me.

Bobbyflay · 08/10/2019 13:13

When my children unjustly complain about things not being fair I withdraw the ‘unfair’ thing.

Next time don’t take any cake or pastries and say to FIL that the desserts caused him so much upset last time you thought it better not take any at all.

virginpinkmartini · 08/10/2019 13:17

Christ. If I were you OP I would be sending a message to your FIL stating how hurt you are, due to the fact that you, as guests, made an effort and brought a lunch round with desserts round, only for him to act ungratefully and as if it wasn't good enough because he would have rather had Dds dessert.

MediocreOmens · 08/10/2019 13:17

@Pinkyyy I don't think anyone is picking on you but you must realise that you are from a culture with very specific views that the wider society do not agree with and in many ways find outdated. You are posting on a website where the vast majority of people will not be from your specific culture, and as such you will always have a large number of people disagreeing with you. By all means you have every right to voice those views but other posters also have the right to strongly disagree with you. That is not picking on you. Personally I find your views offensive in the main and the opposite of my own, but I don't think you are picking on me by voicing them.

Tonnerre · 08/10/2019 13:19

In my family is absolutely normal to offer people a bite of something - I'd absolutely expect children to offer a bite of something if they have the only one of it

And get everyone's saliva all over it? Ewwwwww.

Tonnerre · 08/10/2019 13:20

it's the travelling community. I can assure you it's quite normal to start work at that age.

No idea whether it's normal, but it's certainly illegal if they're in the UK.

GeneHuntLover · 08/10/2019 13:21

The DD didn't get first pick of the cakes, she bought one she wanted using her own money

DarlingNikita · 08/10/2019 13:21

Technically it would have been polite for her to offer her piece of cake
What?

Everyone had cake/pudding. No one else offered to share. Why should she have done so?

YANBU and if he starts up again, tell him to get a grip.

lottiegarbanzo · 08/10/2019 13:22

Oh MulticolourMophead that looks good, thank you Smile

Might be good with cranberries too, do you think?

justheretostalk · 08/10/2019 13:23

I don’t know about your 12yos, but mine don’t get a lot of money. Fuck all basically. I buy them what the need, but it’s very rare they get pocket money, and they have to work for it.
I don’t think they should have to share a treat they bought with their own money. Then they’d have no money and no cake. Hmm

FIL is a dick.

Pinkyyy · 08/10/2019 13:24

@MediocreOmens I realise that, which is why I often state my background bin my posts so people are aware of where my views are coming from. But then I get people telling me I'm banging on about my culture which is not the case. I'm fully aware it's completely alien to most people on MN, but I often feel that I'm picked on for some reason and I'm not sure why. I realise people have a right to disagree and I often disagree myself, as I have on this thread. But there are some bullies on this site who constantly seem to want to berate me.

shas19 · 08/10/2019 13:27

Ffs some one these comments. Shes a child who actually paid for a slice of cake that she wanted. So what if it was a lolly would she be expected to share that also? Dont understand why a grown man would take offence to a child eating something in any situation. Especially as there was plenty of food anyway. I'd make a point of letting her have her own treat everytime you go there that's a single portion just for her. I could u understand if it was a three tier birthday cake but not a slice, a slice is a single serving! I hope she enjoyed it none the less!

JacquesHammer · 08/10/2019 13:27

As a matter of interest WaxMeltHoarder did FIL get first choice of the sweets you bought? Did he offer to share his Torte with everyone?

Loveoddthings · 08/10/2019 13:27

FIL sounds awful

But I would have asked my DD to save her cake until we got home.

Whattodoabout · 08/10/2019 13:27

What a wanker.

derxa · 08/10/2019 13:28

This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. Really?

Batcrazy101 · 08/10/2019 13:30

FIL was a bit rude, but it’s also rude to invite someone to lunch and then one person only at the table eat cake when there isn’t any for the guests. She should have waited until after everyone had left to eat it.

Totally agree

I wouldn't have expected DD to wait until we went home to eat it, we were travelling to PILs, not them to us, that cake would have been a disaster after sitting in a car or being carted around in a box all day.
I don't undersand why it would have been carted about in a box all day?
You couldn't have put it in PIL fridge?

I am very much a "do you want to try a bit" type of person and my kids are as well. Even if there is only one and it's small. If you know this is how FIl is with food, you shouldn't have let your daughter take the cake in.

I still think he is a twat though

Rach000 · 08/10/2019 13:35

Selfish twat. Cant believe he ate half a childs duck biscuit!! He sounds greedy.
One Christmas day my bil ate nearly a whole packet of a childs sweets that they had just got as part of a present. The child had opened them and offered them around most said no so they were on the table and he sat and kept helping him self to them again and again. Poor child hardly had any at all. They had to be taken off him and to be told not to eat all of a childs xmas sweets. There was plenty of food and other chocolate around so not sure why he ate them. But he is greedy, he is a nice guy but is a bit oblivious to things a lot.

DarlingNikita · 08/10/2019 13:37

it’s also rude to invite someone to lunch and then one person only at the table eat cake when there isn’t any for the guests.

Ferchrissake.

There was cake/pudding for everyone. Are you really that hard of comprehension that you can’t grasp that from the thread?

Rainbowknickers · 08/10/2019 13:38

I remember years ago my daughter dropped her brother off at a party (I was at work)
Mum handed out the birthday cake just as dd got there
Dad suddenly saw there was none left so marched up the the group of 7 year olds and demanded a piece from each slice of cake
If they didn’t give it willingly the just broke some off!
And then had the neck to call them rude!
My dd grabbed her brother and ran!

YouSirOweMeOneNewHat · 08/10/2019 13:39

My grandad was exactly like that.

I remember one Christmas my mum bought me (as a present) a bag of Thorntons Viennese Truffles, which are my absolute favourites.

I opened them in front of everyone, said thank you, and set them aside.

After dinner GM bought out tins upon tins upon boxes of chocolates, sweets and biscuits that she had all around the house (she always goes OTT, I'm not exaggerating when I say upwards of 20 different types.)

We were all playing games and grazing, I decided to have some of my truffles and the pack was open with 2 left (and you don't get that many in a pack.)
Before I could ask GD said 'They're such nice chocolates that it'd be a waste for you to scoff them all down yourself so I helped myself, but you don't mind do you?'

I was gobsmacked. He'd eaten my Christmas present and hadn't even asked.
My dear mum (not best known for her patience) went nuclear.

He's always been like that though.
Go to the chippy, he says he doesn't want anything but will serve himself half of what you've bought without asking.
Anything sweet and he's entitled to half.

But, once when DD was smaller (about 2) she asked for a bit of strawberry from him and he said no, these are mine. A giant trifle glass of fruit salad and nope.
I don't see them anymore.

Blue7 · 08/10/2019 13:41

If you know this is how FIl is with food, you shouldn't have let your daughter take the cake in.

He is a grown man not a 2 year old.

Ninkaninus · 08/10/2019 13:41

If you want to play it that way then surely it’s exceedingly rude to let invited guests provide their own lunch! FIL didn’t give a fuck about that, did he.

MaryPopppins · 08/10/2019 13:43

FIL is a dickhead.

Like if you could turn back time and do it again then you could maybe have said about DD spending her own money as all the kids love this special cake at the moment, but you got them something more grown up.

But really you shouldn't have needed to - any decent grown up would've enjoyed seeing a child have a nice treat they'd been excited about and saved for.

Again - YANBU and FIL is a dick!

dottiedodah · 08/10/2019 13:45

Ponoka 7 If they had bought a slice for everyone at £3.00 per slice could have been rather expensive!.FIL is being unreasonable here ,what kind of grown man expects a 12 year old to share one slice of cake bought with her own pocket money FFS?