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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

999 replies

WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:24

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

OP posts:
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7
GeneHuntLover · 08/10/2019 12:52

Fuck me, it's a parallel universe on here at times, a 12 year old being called rude for not sharing a slice of cake she bought herself???? Why the fuck should she, everyone was catered for, let the poor kid enjoy her treat in peace

PancakeAndKeith · 08/10/2019 12:53

I’ve got this image of poor DD being forced to pass this cake around with everyone taking a forkful until she finally gets a snivelling bit back.

So long as there was some kind of explanation like ‘look at this beautiful cake dd bought with her own money’ then it’s not a problem.

It reminds me of the David Sedaris story about the children in the neighbourhood who were away when it was Halloween and missed trick or treating (which obviously in America is a much bigger thing). The parents brought them round to every house in the street and asked for trick or treat sweets meaning that his parents asked him to give up some of his sweets. As an adult it seems like nothing but as a child you’d be really upset.

MulticolourMophead · 08/10/2019 12:54

They all had different deserts, FIL didn’t offer anyone to try his desert so why is OPs DD the only one being called rude here?

Because people fall over themselves to insist all children must share, while simultaneously failing to pull up adults who don't share.

Pinkyyy · 08/10/2019 12:55

@HavelockVetinari you couldn't be more wrong. I don't 'bang on' about it at all, and I don't think I have ever once made any of the statements you say I make. I've never said anyone must do anything. You're also wrong about me standing up for the FIL. I haven't. I've said quite clearly I don't agree with him. So next time you decide to rant about me and what I 'bang on' about, I suggest you're actually right.

BarbedBloom · 08/10/2019 12:55

I am 38 and I wouldn't have shared an individual piece of cake when everyone else had their own desserts, especially as they were not all the same. Your DD was not rude, your FIL is greedy.

In my friendship group and family the only things we share are tapas and sometimes curries. No one would have thought anything of a child having a different dessert to everyone else. I don't like cheesecake for example so would likely have a different dessert and I am not sharing that round the table and no one would expect me to.

Also, the people who say one slice of cake is ridiculous and excessive, fair enough if that is the case for you, but others have different tastes and appetites and a single portion is just that on average

GabsAlot · 08/10/2019 12:55

Can people not read there was a sodden box of cakes for everyone! did fil share his cake no why not

GabsAlot · 08/10/2019 12:56

Oh and a la Friends Gabs doesnt share food

Tallycally · 08/10/2019 12:56

Next time you visit FIL take him a special cake. A cake too sickly to be true; hollowed out and filled with buttercream and sugary cake decorations. Loaded on top with dolly mixtures or something over-sweet. Insist he eats it all himself. Every last crumb. Then declare how much fun your friend’s toddlers had “helping” you make it; “they had her hands right in the buttercream bowl, bless them!”

StroppyWoman · 08/10/2019 12:57

Your FIL is an arse, OP.

I hope ypur DD loved her sugary Instagram treat and has lots of photos to show her pals. I hope her grandfather's patulance didn't take the shine off the experience.

TatianaLarina · 08/10/2019 12:59

Technically it would have been polite for her to offer her piece of cake. And the polite thing would be for everyone to appreciate the gesture, but to refuse.

But it was not polite it draw attention to it.

So everyone’s as gauche as each other in this story.

roses2 · 08/10/2019 12:59

I can sort of see both points of view. I wouldn't want to share a piece of cake either however I also wouldn't have taken it out and eaten it on front of others either despite there being abother box of cake available - I would have waited until I got home. I could see why FIL thought it was a bit rude.

Londonmummy66 · 08/10/2019 13:00

Ok - I've not read the whole thread but I've read all of your posts OP. As far as I can tell, you (as a family) basically bought a whole load of cakes with you and everyone had one. The only thing that your FIL could possibly comment on is that your DD presumably had first pick as she had the cake she really wanted. In no circumstances that I have ever seen has a grandfather thought that he would have first pick over a grandchild. He is clearly a very greedy and selfish man.

Your tale of the duck biscuit is awful. I can picture it with my father - he'd have pulled a sad please share with me face - taken the biscuit and pulled his mouth back just like your FIL - the difference being he then would only have pretended to take a bite - as any decent grandfather would.

chamenanged · 08/10/2019 13:01

If one of my dad's grandchildren had taken a special slice of cake to my parents' house, I know for a fact my dad would have been told about it and would have said fifty-six times before lunch, "mmm, I can't wait to eat this rose gold cake all to myself later!" Then when it came time for the child to eat said cake, he'd take a picture of them eating it, and send it to the family group chat several times thereafter. He might pretend to eat a bit, depending on the age of the child. I expect he'd find a convoluted way of replacing the £3 in the child's pocket money. Then he'd tell everyone he knew about the cake and how the grandchild had bought it themselves out of their own money, and would generally get a disproportionate amount of pleasure from watching the child enjoy a slice of cake. I thought that was standard granddad behaviour, to be honest. I'm so glad he isn't like the dickhead FIL. That duck biscuit story made my stomach flip a bit.

ElizaPancakes · 08/10/2019 13:02

@BertrandRussell well I’ve taken certain liberties and assumed some stuff because OP hasn’t shared the conversation when she shared round the cakes. And as I said, that’s referring back to how my family would deal with it.

MulticolourMophead · 08/10/2019 13:02

lottiegarbanzo

I dont have chocolate and raspberry torte, but I have this recipe for you 😊

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake
Pinkyyy · 08/10/2019 13:03

Why is it that multiple people on this thread have said that what the girl did was in poor manners but as usual I'm the one who gets bombarded for it. So sick of this.

ISawyouinTescoyesterday · 08/10/2019 13:03

Your father in law, sounds like he was being deliberately quite rude especially if they knew she paid for it herself?

Majorcollywobble · 08/10/2019 13:04

Your FIL is the one behaving like a spoiled child - not your DD . Presumably he was desperate for a taste of the sensational cake - he’d have probably taken half of it if she offered him a taste !

MediocreOmens · 08/10/2019 13:06

YANBU and your FIL sounds like a twat.

Has he always been this way or is it something that has developed over time? Do other adults ever pull him up on it? It's so very odd.

Clavinova · 08/10/2019 13:08

I'd still like to know what time the cake was eaten. If lunch finished at two o'clock and the cake appeared on its own at four it would seem a little odd/rude to me.

Youseethethingis · 08/10/2019 13:08

So if we follow the logic of some PPs... any parents who allow their child to choose something from the kids menu on a family trip out for dinner should not then allow the child to actually eat the food in front of their grandparents. It should be shared around or saved for later.
“Two chicken nuggets and a fucking Biscuit for the miserable old bastard at the end of the table, please!”
Angry

Crunchymum · 08/10/2019 13:08

@Pinkyyy

Sorry you feel that way - I was actually referring to a specific post you made (about a 12yo not being a child). Not digging you out per se.

Blue7 · 08/10/2019 13:09

He needs to grow up. How horrible for a Grandfather to begrudge his 12 year old Granddaughter a treat.

Lunde · 08/10/2019 13:10

For all calling the dd "rude" - is the FIL also rude for not offering to share his Chocolate Raspberry Torte?

macmustard · 08/10/2019 13:10

So you went to the trouble of visiting them and bringing lunch and sweets to them. Then your fil complains that he didn't get to eat his granddaughters cake that she purchased herself, and rudely tells her/you that she was 'stuffing her face'.

He sounds like a greedy cunt, who, given the opportunity would have stuffed his own face with someone else's special treat. I wouldn't be subjecting myself or my kids to his shitty manners and lack of gratitude in future.