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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

999 replies

WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:24

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

OP posts:
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LenoVentura · 08/10/2019 11:44

I'll bet the house that it's not so much the cake itself that FiL is pissed off about, it's because he sees himself as the big dog and the big dog gets first pick. He's probably used to being allowed that. He may or may not have picked the cake if he'd been given the chance, but he's convinced himself that he would have done, had he been given the choice that is rightfully his.

Also, with patisserie, it's clear that there's one item per person, whereas with a whole cake, greedy fuckers people can have seconds if they like. He's probably also pissed that he wasn't able to have more. All in all, he's not seeing that he's had a treat at all, he's seeing that he's been deprived and insulted. Poor man .

At least now you know not to bother in future OP as it isn't appreciated.

Wonkybanana · 08/10/2019 11:46

Good grief. If I'd done the same at my GPs, they would have thoroughly enjoyed watching me enjoying myself eating my special (to me) cake. It may sound daft, but they would have got more pleasure from that than from me eating a general piece of cake that anyone could have had. Y'know, because they loved me.

BeefTomato · 08/10/2019 11:46

He sounds so greedy! His family came to see him and brought him a lovely lunch and a selection of cakes to choose from, he ate one and didn't offer to share, and then thinks that his granddaughter should have given him some of her cake too?! Why?

He apparently feels entitled to take his pick from children's food, as evidenced by the horrible ducky incident. What a selfish, grabby man.

Ninkaninus · 08/10/2019 11:49

He is a nasty, selfish, entitled git. Used to being top dog and offended at the perceived ‘lack of respect’, and quite happy to piss all over his grandchild’s happiness in the process of marking his miserable territory.

Ugh. There are some extraordinarily mean people in the world.

noodlenosefraggle · 08/10/2019 11:51

Think you've got it leno

toomuchtooold · 08/10/2019 11:55

I think eating your own cake in your own house or in the houses of very close family is fine. Eating your own cake in someone else's house who you don't know very well is a bit rude. I think FIL has decided his house should be one of the latter, for the OP's kids. I hope that the OP's MIL agrees with this, because it would seem a shame if her grandkids are going to be pushed to arms' length because of a grumpy old cake-fancying bastard. On the other hand she married him, she's excellently placed to tell him to shut up.

Happymum12345 · 08/10/2019 11:56

With family, I wouldn’t think twice about it. If she was eating it in front of friends, then that’s a bit different. FIL sounds like a grumpy old man!

BertrandRussell · 08/10/2019 11:58

I do think there should have been some sort of explanation as to why she had a different cake- but there was. So absolutely fine.

Rainonmyguitar · 08/10/2019 12:00

Pinkyyy

You are being utterly ridiculous.

Ineedtochillthehellout · 08/10/2019 12:01

Not read the full thread but would I hell share my one slice of cake with anyone. Ever ! I get annoyed when I have to share a full cake. I take my cake very seriously Grin especially since I’ve been dieting and it’s a rare treat.
I wouldn’t expect my dd’s to share 1 slice of cake either especially if they bought it with their own money.

Your fil is unreasonable and could always go but his own cake if what you provided wasn’t good enough.

chocatoo · 08/10/2019 12:05

I can see where FIL was coming from if she just tucked into a ginormous piece of cake without any explanation – I would have said something like DD has bought herself a special cake but we have bought cakes for everybody else too - Enjoy everyone! Either that, or I would have suggested to DD that she should save her cake for later as it is a bit rude to have a super-special treat without offering a little taste to anyone else (whilst hoping that they decline!).

lottiegarbanzo · 08/10/2019 12:05

Yep, I'm sure Leno is right. FIL was brought up to see himself as the centre of the familial universe and has never been challenged on this notion.

Pity he hasn't acquired the grace that accompanies privilege and has instead remained a selfish little boy (as the ducky incident shows).

He's a crap patriarch.

BigChocFrenzy · 08/10/2019 12:06

Your FIL is far more immature than your 12-year-old

He sounds a miserable grasping killjoy

JacquesHammer · 08/10/2019 12:09

I can see where FIL was coming from if she just tucked into a ginormous piece of cake without any explanation

The OP said it was a small slice of cake.

Straycatstrut · 08/10/2019 12:09

Did he offer her HIS dessert?

NoSauce · 08/10/2019 12:09

I can’t ever imagine being that annoyed by a person invited to my house ( a grandchild no less ) eating a slice of cake that they’d brought with them. It’s mind boggling that a grown man could be so rude.

I don’t think she was out of order to eat it all by herself no matter who’d paid for it!

DerektheWonderdog · 08/10/2019 12:12

Your FIL is a stupid fucker. Your DD had every right to eat her slice of cake.

Could you post a pic of the sort of cake you mean? My DD would love a cake like that. I've Googled but can't find one that sounds like your description.

letsjog · 08/10/2019 12:13

YANBU op.

It's not as if you turned up empty handed then proceeded to take out a huge slab of cake, plonk it in front of DD then let everyone else watch her eating it.

You bought lots of things for everyone and she picked that out specifically for herself with her own money. Nothing wrong here.

Has your FIL got some weird issues with food?

Going by the Duck biscuit incident it seems a bit odd.

AlexaAmbidextra · 08/10/2019 12:15

Your baby bought her own cake,

In what world is a twelve year old a baby? Stop with the hyperbole.

GrandmaSteglitszch · 08/10/2019 12:16

I think LenoVentura has him sussed.

The duck shortbread thing was vile. Any normal person would take a tiny nibble if a 3 year old offered their biscuit. And politely thank them for offering.
Did no-one tell FiL off for that?

puppymouse · 08/10/2019 12:17

@Annasgirl ahhhh well in that case he's an arse bucket.

Comefromaway · 08/10/2019 12:18

I'll bet the house that it's not so much the cake itself that FiL is pissed off about, it's because he sees himself as the big dog and the big dog gets first pick. He's probably used to being allowed that. He may or may not have picked the cake if he'd been given the chance, but he's convinced himself that he would have done, had he been given the choice that is rightfully his

My Grandad was like this. He always had to be served food first, he got the first pick of everything. When the newspaper was delivered no-one was allowed to read it until he had read it first even if he wasn't even home at the time.

OwlBeThere · 08/10/2019 12:21

@mrsm43s At 12, I see no reason why your DD needed "special" food, she is old enough (by many, many years) to just eat from the adult selection
Can you not read? The OP clearly explains why her dd had something different, because it’s an Instagram thing that she had wanted.
Also every restaurant and pub I’ve ever been in with a children’s menu goes to at least 12, so it appears a fair section of society disagrees with you. 12 is a funny age, some 12 year olds are very grown up, some are very much still children. Who are you to judge when someone else’s child should eat ‘from the adult section’? And she should do so to appease a man who definitely IS an adult yet behaves like a Petulant toddler? What utter nonsense.

minou123 · 08/10/2019 12:23

tastes of nothing except sugar and regret.

In my expert opinion, ALL cakes should be full of sugar and regret.Grin

YANBU. even if it was the only cake (which it wasnt) , the most decent, caring grandfather would say "oh, that looks lovely, enjoy it sweetheart".

Comefromaway · 08/10/2019 12:23

Things like patisserie chocolate tortes can be very rich. They are an aquired taste. Why shouldn't a child have something more suited to a child's palate.