Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if perimenopause is making me hate my husbanc

187 replies

Everythingnotsavedwillbelost · 07/10/2019 20:52

kind of light hearted but not

I am 46 and I can barely stand to be in the same room as him. Everything he does irritates the total fuck out of me and I never want to have sex with him again 😬

I have noticed he makes this weird clicking noise when he speaks and it makes me want to throw things 😬

We’ve been together 20 years but if this is perimenopause, I don’t think i can stand it as everything he does annoys me 🙈

Aibu? I feel a bit unhinged

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Fallenmadonnawiththebigboobies · 07/10/2019 22:15

I have found my people. I swing between feeling as though I’m going mad to feeling so enraged I want to scream and punch things. 47.

Mayborn · 07/10/2019 22:16

I’m not 45 yet but I feel like this a lot. I think I even googled last week “why do I hate everyone”?? Now I know the answer, should have come to mn.

perfectpanda · 07/10/2019 22:19

God this is me. And I have a toddler thrown into the mix.

SallyOMalley · 07/10/2019 22:21

So, what's the solution?

Move into splendid isolation? Grin (or grimace) and bear it? Start taking the drugs?

I'm utterly foul right now.

TellySavalashairbrush · 07/10/2019 22:23

Totally yes to all of you. I’m 46 and dh irritates me so much that I plot to take annual leave when he is at work, so that I don’t have to be with him for every holiday/day off. Got HRT 1 week ago, but waiting for it to do its magic yet.

Babyroobs · 07/10/2019 22:24

Not so much with dh but definitely with everyone else, they all irritate me. The kids messing about loudly downstairs, the dog following me around from room to room, even clients at work, they all give me a rage.

OneToughMudderFudder · 07/10/2019 22:27

Well I'm obviously not the norm then as all I can think about is shagging my DH of 25 years senseless and I don't want to be apart from himShock. I do lose my shit at him and the DC more often than usual though.

47 and definitely in perimenopause.

May I recommend coconut oil for downstairs departments that may become irritable and dry.

Susiesue61 · 07/10/2019 22:28

This has made me feel so much better! I argued with him earlier because he wont skive work tomorrow to take DD's parcel in Confused
And if he flips the lid of his sodding iPad open one more time i will kill him.
The lifesaver at the moment is that DS1 has moved out so we can sleep in separate beds at last Grin

jennymanara · 07/10/2019 22:30

I disagree that this is about peri menopause. Peri menopause can increase irritations so that you are far more irritable, but not wanting to be in the same room is at a different level.

Campervan69 · 07/10/2019 22:33

I have found my tribe.

I've decided it was a mistake on my part to marry someone who cannot speak unless it is through a mouthful of food when I clearly suffer from that thing that makes you murderous when people make annoying noises.

Seriously do not come over here and fucking eat at me.

We have separate rooms as he snores so at least I have my own space and fragrant bedroom.

heavenlypink · 07/10/2019 22:33

@Fallenmadonnawiththebigboobies You took the words right out of my mouth .... We're the same age too!!!

Campervan69 · 07/10/2019 22:34

If you can't guess from my username I'm soon to be 50 BTW

tiredandgrumpy · 07/10/2019 22:36

Omg! Whilst I'm relieved to find I'm not the only one feeling like this, am extremely disappointed to realise that the problem lies with me rather than him. Hormones!

Mummaofmytribe · 07/10/2019 22:37

I'm 46. Same thing. Alternating between mere irritability and the Murderous Rage. Getting so angry that tears well up. You know what I mean.
Feel nothing for OH much of the time. The rational part of me can see he's not behaving any differently (And certainly hasn't done anything wrong /nasty!)
Hysterectomy and immediate start on HRT in 3 weeks.
Fingers crossed.

Sewingbea · 07/10/2019 22:39

HRT. It's keeping me sane. :-)

ilovetofu · 07/10/2019 22:40

Christ this is depressing Confused

hettie · 07/10/2019 22:42

I would show DH this thread only he's already concerned I'm going to kill him in his sleep and you lot aren't exactly reassuring Grin. Joking aside it's really shit. I've been level headed non moody sane rational professional all my life. Now at 46 I get moments of irrational irritation like you would not believe and waves of dysphoria and low motivation oh and brain fog which is a bloody liability at work. It's truly shit and I am not a happy bunny

30to50FeralHogs · 07/10/2019 22:43

am extremely disappointed to realise that the problem lies with me rather than him

Grin
Redcliff · 07/10/2019 22:43

OMG! I lost my shit so badly on Saturday night that I stormed out of the house at midnight in my PJs and attempted to pull an old mattress back in that my DH had left outside to be picked by the rubbish collection as I felt it was a perfectly good mattress (it isn't). I am 48.

NearLifeExperience · 07/10/2019 22:50

Well I haven’t felt like that about my DH (yet!): I do still love him. But my libido has completely fizzled out and I wouldn’t care if I never have sex again.
I’m also dozy and forgetful, and have no concentration whatsoever any more; I can never get into books now, despite having been a voracious reader most of my life.

ChampagneCommunist · 07/10/2019 22:50

Oh! Hello my people!

I have regular periods of just wanted to kill people. And, to be honest, they deserve it by being so fucking annoying near me.

travailtotravel · 07/10/2019 22:52

I don't think I'm peri yet (those monthly fuckers are still regular as clockwork - bigger off already), but I am 46, angry, frustrated, eating waaay much junk, deeply surpised I haven't been sacked for all the things I've said about my work colleagues ( in my head). I alternate between being so hot and too cold in bed. DH is lucky to be alive, and I'm sooo bored it all, but love him to bits. Except when I Google 1 bed flats.

I think it's time to start the vitamins ...

donethinkin · 07/10/2019 22:53

Well it's their fault for eating like pigs. Go into a different room, preferably another house, in another country and eat!

StillMedusa · 07/10/2019 23:01

So good to read that it's not just me!!! (51 and I love that cartoon!)

My dh taps, picks and jiggles his legs. I want to KILLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Catgotyourbrain · 07/10/2019 23:07

Hold on though - what if all the rage is perfectly justified and it’s just adult women realising that now we’ve had the kids and pretended we needed the men there’s another stage of life and our feelings are real?

I certainly remember being incredibly angry with my parents as a teen and my DM patronisingly offering me evening primrose oil for ‘PMT’- when actually she was being incredibly annoying and I was perfectly justified in finding her annoying (why yes I am 45 now since you ask).

Hormones - throwing the truth into sharp relief ! ?