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Original poster

partners teenage daughter

161 replies

oceanstarising · 07/10/2019 13:27

So my partner has recently given up his flat to live with me, I am 25 with a 4 year old and he is 41 with 2 teenagers 18 boy and 15 girl, they both are challenging in their own way mainly daughter is very needy. he sees them every weekend and his daughter usually stays sat night and all day sunday, there is always agruements that she wants to sleep in the same room/ doesnt want me to share a bed with her dad while she is here, or she wants the time without me there. I am finding it really hard to share space with her and I try and make plans to be out all day, but a few times she hasnt come and he has been so upset, and says i dont care and im not being supportive. every weekend we argue about her for some reason or other, im so sick of it like i am being blamed for them not seeing eachother, but yes i cant really cope with her forcing me out of the bedroom because of her 'needs' and insecurities, not knowing if shes going to come or not and that effecting my plans if i will see my partner on his day off work.. also he is not very affectionate to my boy, who has no contact with his dad, and i often feel like i want someone who is more available to be a family with, I am only 25 and having someone whos had a family already feels quite heavy..

OP posts:
iBiscuit · 07/10/2019 13:30

How long have you known each other? And how long has she known you?

TheQueef · 07/10/2019 13:32

You're closer in age to his kids than him.
How long have you been together?

Goodadvice1980 · 07/10/2019 13:33

He needs to move out and back into his own place. Your son needs someone around him who cares for him as much as you do.

DeathStare · 07/10/2019 13:34

I don't think relationship is going to work OP. I think it's probably better to end it sooner rather than later. Being step-mum to two teenagers (one of whom you don't get on with) is not going to become any less heavy. Nor is he the step-parent you want him to be for your DS. It sounds like you just aren't right for each other.

MMadness · 07/10/2019 13:35

Tell him to fuck along.

Too hard. You and your child dont need it.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 07/10/2019 13:35

She doesn’t want you to sleep in the same bed as the man you live with?

She needs to cop on. I’d say she’s delighted you’re arguing every weekend over her- at 15 she knows full well what she’s doing.

He needs a backbone and to stand up to her. He’s given up a flat to live with you as a family that means he doesn’t get to pander to his 15 year old demanding you leave your home and blaming you for her not coming over.

If she’s that clingy then he should have known this and kept his own flat to appease her- he doesn’t get to foist his issues onto your family.

Can he get the flat back?

Sirzy · 07/10/2019 13:37

So you don’t get on with his child.
He doesn’t get on with yours.

Doesn’t sound like a good environment for anyone.

Cordial11 · 07/10/2019 13:38

Wow she sounds like a nightmare. He should not pander to this, it’s YOUR bed too! And where you should sleep?!

Thehagonthehill · 07/10/2019 13:38

He needs to move back out.This is not going to work so end it now.

AutumnCrow · 07/10/2019 13:39

You're saying she wants to sleep in the same room as her dad without you there?

So where does she sleep at yours?

How odd.

PrayingandHoping · 07/10/2019 13:40

She's 15 not 5! Why does she want to sleep in the same bed as her dad?? Did she do this in his flat too? Does he not see that that is really wrong??

Boundaries and rules for all 5 of you sound like a good idea. She can't be allowed to rule the roost

Aquamarine1029 · 07/10/2019 13:43

Moving him in was a huge mistake, and he needs to go. Why would you be in a relationship with a man who doesn't relate well to your child? He should be binned off, immediately.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 07/10/2019 13:44

Frankly, at 15, I’d hated this too.

And your son needs someone who will treat him as his own or not be there.

thistimelastweek · 07/10/2019 13:44

Did I get that right? She wants to share a room with her Dad? At 15?

averythinline · 07/10/2019 13:45

How long have you been together and how much interacting have you done prior to him moving into yours....?

it sounds really unfair on your DS ...why have yu moved someone into your place that doesnt like him?

she does sound like shes not reacting well but she is a teenager and probably feels pushed out....

this is possibly too much too soon or just a complete disaster and unsalvageable either way I think he should move back out again ......

ZenNudist · 07/10/2019 13:45

kick him out and move on. If hes blaming you and siding with the unreasonable teen youve already lost him. Sorry.

Nattyjackie · 07/10/2019 13:47

This isn't right, a 15 year old shouldn't have that much power to force you out of your own bedroom.

This isn't the right relationship for you or your son. I'd be putting a stop to it now. You are young and there is a whole world of more suitablr partners out there that won't bring this stress to you or your child's life

Hesafriendfromwork · 07/10/2019 13:47

How long have you been together?

The sleeping in the same room as him is weird.

But since they moved into your flat, I assume it's a 2 bed. Where does she actually sleep?

I have to say, I dont think he does have to be affectionate to your son or instantly treat him as his own. The relationship would naturally grow.

It sounds like too much, too soon for all involved.

BertrandRussell · 07/10/2019 13:51

Whose idea was it to move into your flat? What is he paying?

Minioooons · 07/10/2019 13:51

You are basically closer to their age group - why do you want all that hassle. Is it worth putting your own child through all this. very weird setup.

AllStarBySmashMouth · 07/10/2019 13:52

If you feel like it's too heavy to have two teenage stepkids at 25, why are you with him? And why is he living with you?

I'm a year younger than you and I couldn't even begin to imagine being with someone who has a teenage child, never mind two.

Wonkybanana · 07/10/2019 13:53

Did I get that right? She wants to share a room with her Dad? At 15?

I'm interpreting it not so much as the daughter wants to share the room, rather that she wants to make sure OP isn't in it. She's positioning herself as alpha female, when she's there she comes top and the OP has to know her place.

OP I don't know how this worked out before your DP moved in with you, but it isn't working now. He's allowing his children to dominate you and you shouldn't be feeling like this in your own house. Of course he's their dad and he wants to see them. Maybe he's afraid that if his DD doesn't get her way she'll stop visiting, again just to prove who has the power in this set up. But you really shouldn't have to put up with it, and I think he's shown you where you and your DS come in his life. Time to let him go.

NativeAustralian · 07/10/2019 13:54

I can relate to this OP. My ex's ( note the ex part..) daughter was the same. At 15,she'd actually sit on his knee and want to share a bed with him, send him letters and valentine cards.. She knew exactly what she was doing too.. Sadly I think it's too much to cope with and you need to cut loose

Witchinaditch · 07/10/2019 13:55

She’s still a child and try and see from her point if you you’re closer to her age than her fathers she sounds like she struggling, I don’t think she should be dictating where you sleep but maybe he has contact with her out of the house until she gets used to it more.

TheFurminator · 07/10/2019 13:57

Why would you move in with someone who isn't affectionate to your child?

His daughter is not the issue here, your terrible choice of partner is the issue.

Move him out, end the relationship, focus on your child and what is best for him. You can see anyone you want until it affects him - at that point you are choosing a parent for your son and your standards need to be a damn sight higher than this.