Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel spoilt but gutted by my 40th birthday?

303 replies

Dairymilkfordinner · 06/10/2019 04:34

DH asked ages ago what I'd like to do and for specific pressie ideas for him and others to buy me. Don't normally do anything for my birthdays so I was up for something a bit special and a lovely celebration. Told him I'd like something like a lunch with all the family and then drinks/party/celebration with all my friends.

On my actual bday, it was all a surprise. He took me to a restaurant for lunch with the kids and I fully expected to turn up and find the rest of the family waiting for me....but no, just us. Then he'd booked that night in a hotel for just him and me. Following day, he took me to a pub where all my family were waiting to surprise me. Which was lovely but none of my friends were involved at all. I didn't see any of them and they'd all been asking what I was doing for my birthday - I thought they were in on some surprise but obviously not! It's too late now to organise a get together with friends as they all live all over the country.

Present-wise, he and everybody else bought lovely gifts but not actually anything I'd asked for despite asking me for specifics - ie I asked for some smellies and got given the right brand but the wrong fragrances etc- that kind of thing. And he bought me something really expensive but not at all what I wanted!

I just feel like I should've just organised a party for myself. I'm also wondering if some of my family were a bit disappointed not to have had lunch with me on my actual birthday.

This post sounds incredibly selfish but I just can't help feeling deflated...

OP posts:
SunnyCoco · 06/10/2019 11:21

Hahahaha oh god what a drama queen, I'll just be grateful to be alive 😂😂😂

Stfrancescof · 06/10/2019 11:26

She got a family lunch, a night away with her husband, a celebratory meal with all her extended family, and lots of expensive presents.
I'd be so embarrassed to have this kind of spoilt attitude. Get some perspective OP

This.

And you were worried your friends would be disappointed there was no party and your family would be disappointed they weren't at the lunch on. Your birthday??

Christ on a bike. You should check your narcissistic tendencies.

1300cakes · 06/10/2019 11:32

For everyone saying OP should have organised it herself, she probably would have if her DH hadn't told her he was going to.

Yes it can be hard to organise a party with a partners friends. So thats why if my DH asked for that, I'd say "sounds great but not sure I'll be able to organise that alone, why don't we plan it together". I wouldn't say "OK I'll do that" but secretly be thinking "yeah right!".

princessTiasmum · 06/10/2019 11:36

I think you should think yourself lucky you have a DH who cares about you, you sound very spoilt and entitled
I am sure some of us on here would love to be in your position.grow up and stop being selfish

IndieTara · 06/10/2019 11:41

Op you don't sound like a spoiled brat or ungrateful at all.
You clearly appreciate the trouble your husband went to for your birthday even if he didn't listen to what you actually wanted, or couldn't remember what you'd actually said, or indeed had a different idea in his own head about what would be nice.
It's annoying and frustrating to be asked what you specifically want and how specifically you'd like to celebrate and then those wishes to be ignored. Especially when it sounds like everybody involved had the means to ensure this could have been done.
Also I think your friends after having been told by you that your husband was organising things and it was a surprise, could have contacted him personally.
It's what I would have done

MintyMabel · 06/10/2019 11:50

It’s not a competitive misery thread. The OP asked for something very specific for her birthday and didn’t get it. It’s perfectly normal and natural to feel disappointed.

I agree. Sure there are worse things which could happen to her but I’m sure others have been disappointed when expectations haven’t been met after having been asked what they wanted.

I think OP’s husband went to some effort, but for some reason ignored her wishes. Mine has a habit of doing that. Will ask what I want, I will tell him then he’ll get something the same but different. He always has a good, logical (to him) reason for doing it, but he misses the point that it want what I wanted. I could challenge him on it, but it generally works out in the end so I just have a little internal moan about it, whinge to my sister, and smile and say thanks. It isn’t the biggest problem in the world and of course tragedy is much worse, but we can’t all be expected to go through life putting up with every single seemingly minor disappointment on the basis that life could be a whole lot worse. That’s no way to live a life either.

MintyMabel · 06/10/2019 11:53

A birthday is just a silly thing really

Ahh, there it is. The typical MN “nobody should care about birthdays ever”

I am sure some of us on here would love to be in your position

You’d love to be asked what you wanted then have that ignored? Strange.

Ohyesiam · 06/10/2019 11:54

Icouldn't bring myself to exchange the pressies, I think I'd upset people.

Would they know?

anothernamejeeves · 06/10/2019 12:05

Wow how lovely for people to sneer at those who have lost loved ones by labelling it misery top trumps. Maybe just try being grateful for the important stuff in life.
And I'm sorry but telling people to the letter what you want is so bratty and actually very dull- no element of surprise and spontaneity at all

AuntieMarys · 06/10/2019 12:12

Why would you not buy the right birthday gift? Perfume is expensive. Why waste £80 buying something the OP has not asked for?

Wingedharpy · 06/10/2019 12:33

@AuntieMarys : Maybe because someone else bought it for you but you didn't want it either.
AKA regifting.
Happy birthday OP.

AufderAutobahn · 06/10/2019 12:41

Did your DH know you thought he would be the one arranging the get-together with friends? If my DH said he would like to celebrate with friends, I would take that to mean he would arrange that bit as he knows them and I don't? Perhaps he thought you'd arrange that aspect as you're (I assume) closer to them than he is?

Sleepyhead19 · 06/10/2019 12:46

I don’t think you are being entirely ungrateful. He had asked you specifically what you would like to do and what you wanted. If the money wasn’t there (although it sounds like it was) then he should’ve just said it’s not going to be as you asked but I’m hoping you will like what I arranged and given you the option to invite friends to the pub.
My ex did f all for my birthdays. Not so much as a card and it would be a normal day. I always made sure he had a good day though. I’d buy days out and meals for him to go out with friends while I stayed in and babysat. I didn’t even get a card or phone call on my 30th 😂😂.

dottiedodah · 06/10/2019 13:00

SuperSop60 Laughed out loud at your post "expects a round of applause for putting the bins out!" made my morning ! Cannot understand how men seem" to get it wrong" so often! Why ask her if he does his own thing ?(Maybe too much hassle to contact her friends ?!) get the right type of perfume?

emilybrontescorsett · 06/10/2019 14:31

Reminds me of an ex. For my first birthday with him he said he knew exactly what he was going g to buy me and that I would love it. Imagine my surprise when I unwrapped,............ a rugby top!!!!!
No I don't play rugby. No I don't watch rugby. It was his favourite game so he thought it would be a great present!!!!!

Spoiltbutnothappy · 06/10/2019 16:53

YANBU.

I don't think you're ungrateful at all, OP. My guess is that your DH arranged what he would have wanted more than with you in mind...

I personally find that getting a gift that shows that the person has not listened to me is worse than no present/celebration at all... Especially when it is from your better half.

My DH gives away gifts I've been given when I don't use them - but they were never really bought with me in mind to start with.

Pagwatch · 06/10/2019 17:01

I think it’s absolutely fine to feel a little deflated
I do think however that’s it’s sensible to find a way to acknowledge that it was just unfortunate
If you leave your husband to make the arrangements then the potential for it not being as you wish is huge.
If you wanted a party with your family and friends you could have just said do and helped arrange it.

Surprises are nice if they are actually surprises but you’d hinted heavily what you wanted so the whole ‘surprise’ but is just a sort of weird coyness

Book something with your friends and change the presents. Just say that the presents were lovely but not quite what you wanted and change them
And tell your friends there was a mix up and book an evening out

It’s not difficult tbh and better than feeling aggrieved about something that was just a misunderstanding

Dotty1970 · 06/10/2019 17:06

Oh my, I would be ashamed to act like this...... Narcissistic comes to mind

I8toys · 06/10/2019 17:12

YABU - sounds like he tried his best. Its one day and you sound extremely self- centered. Go buy yourself something if that's what makes you happy.

Raspberrytruffle · 06/10/2019 17:23

Yes yabu, he tried hard you are a spoiled madam, most women are lucky if their dh remembers to get them a birthday card, get a grip princess

Roussette · 06/10/2019 19:02

most women are lucky if their dh remembers to get them a birthday card

Really? Who are these women? Every friend, relation and acquaintance I know would expect and get a birthday card and more from their husband.

NcNcNcNcNcNcNc · 06/10/2019 19:06

I would be in shock if my partner went to so much effort for me.

If he ever divorces you tell him to give me a call 😂

Pagwatch · 06/10/2019 19:19

God, people scolding the op as a spoilt madam are being a bit weird tbh.

I think she’s being unreasonable but she’s expressing honest emotions. Chiding her like you’re some sort of Dot Cotton is odd

EKGEMS · 06/10/2019 19:19

^ oh come on stop being a brat try to see how spoilt you are-you have Internet and are alive darling!

EKGEMS · 06/10/2019 19:20

That post was for NcNcNc was sarcasm