To wonder how the fuck people have sex?

[HerRoyalFattyness]

Earlier on this evening all 3 kids (10, 5 and 4) were engrossed in screens with headphones on. DP upstairs putting washing away.

So I go upstairs and initiate a quickie while the kids are distracted. Just as we get naked we hear "ummm... Mum, there's a problem"
"What?"
"DD has done a poo and it's everywhere... Even on the toilet seat. I think it's diarrhoea"
"Ok we'll sort it"

Mood completely killed, 5 year old was hosed down with the shower while DP cleaned up her mess in the downstairs loo.

It's now 20 to 11, kids all asleep. As is DP! So that's my plans ruined!

We've been together nearly 12 years now, how on earth are we meant to make intimacy a priority in our relationship with kids and exhaustion just trying to ruin it all?

You don’t realise 7.45/8 is late for 4/5 year olds?

For many 4 and 5 year olds it's not late.

You do realise kids are individuals with individual needs, right?

Christ on a crumpet. What's 'grim' about this thread is the amount of people who think children are little identical robots who must obey the clock.

Get them all an xbox and good headphones, they wont hear you or bother you ever again, trust me 😂😂 (for all the kill joys mine are old enough for an xbox thanks)

This thread is hilarious! How dare OP still have a fun intimate relationship with her DP after 12 years and 3 kids! I really don't know what's going on in MN recently but the last couple of months it seems to have been inundated with miserable gits with no sense of humour.

Better luck next time OP.. better practice making that quickie quicker!

WhispersOfWickedness fantastic.

Oh ruby dear, don't you worry. Me and my kids spend plenty of time together. Which is why me and DP need to squeeze it in when we can. HTH Hun

I refuse to take some of these replies seriously 😂 fucking grim aye 😂

Anyway OP a quickie is hit and miss I feel your pain.

@Greysparkles I feel like I need to throw my husband a quickie tomorrow to raise awareness for the spouses of the humourless..

OOOHHH maybe it could become a National day!

@Rubyuber would you say that to a forces parent?

This thread just keeps giving

Oh dear. Mine have been on screens a lot of today. And bedtimes are late. I won't be starting my own thread any time soon...

She's not complaining though.
She was ligjtheartedly seeking solidarity through the use of humout.
Sadly so many on here are wholly incapable of reigning in their own issues and thinking before pursuing their own agendas.

OP this thread stopped being about you/ your situation aaaaages ago.

Insecurity central abounds here. Jesus Christ, I do despair.

Some very strange replies.

Wait until they are teens OP. I have five children between aged 10-20 and there are always a couple awake later than we are and my younger one is an insomniac. Nothing is very sound proof, the bed is bloody noisy and my husband is huge (as in build) so noise is inevitable.

Sorry, it doesn't get easier.

A job should fit in with family life. You have young children who need present parents

How has a thread about a parent lamenting her inability to find a time for even a quickie turned into slating her career choices.

I work 12-18 hour days, damn right my children are loved, looked after, fed and I still want sex.

Some really nasty, nasty comments on this thread.

OOOHHH maybe it could become a National day

That's a great idea! What are the rules? Are we allowed to shut the kids in the garage? Or the leave them on the drive if we don't have a garage?

Anyone else feel really sorry for some of the husbands of the posters on this thread? Joyless bastards

Their warm milk is probably laced with Bromide.

Fuck me. "Wake up at 5.30 am" who are you people?
OP just get a lock for your door. Have sex whenever you want. As long as your kids aren't in the room, who gives a fuck?

Some people are twats; a lot of them are on this thread 👋

I feel your pain. We have two under 5. DH and I got out for a boozy lunch today. First time in ages we have spent any proper time together without the kids. It was bloody fabulous. We had such a lovely time.

Under normal circumstances such a lovely boozy lunch would be followed by a lovely tipsy quickie at the very least. But no. Had to go back to our normal parenting lives. Staying at my parents’ house tonight with the kids in our room so it ain’t going to happen. It’s not great.

I have literally booked a slot tomorrow night.

My 10 year old is still up. We also sometimes have a quickie when the kids are awake. They know not to come into our bedroom when our door is closed. They would be more embarrassed than us so they just busy themselves. Laughing at 7.30 for a 10 year old. My ds would combust if I tried to put him to bed at 7.30.

Rubyuber well it's a good job you don't need to be sure isn't it.

Sign them up for Sunday school OP! Worked in the olden days.

Agree it gets even worse when they're teens and tweens and you're in your forties and fifties and knackered anyway 😦.

@Rubyuber is there any reason you’re being so rude?

If only we could all be as perfect as some of this lot eh...remember you ain't faultless yourself and someone will judge you for something you do too....

I would like to point out that my advice to put in in the diary is serious (should that be heavy hearted or dark hearted?)

Failing that wait till they have all left home. Simple. Anything else is grim.

What does the op think other parents do?

Clearly some of the posters on here aren't getting enough or any even.

Nope I have a great sex life with my dh - when my children are sleeping!

So whilst you caught up in the throes of passion are you watching your dc on a babycam? Otherwise how can you be sure they haven't woken up for a split second as most people stir in their sleep.

Oh god some posters are tense.

Maybe they need a shag, or even attempt one. It would be good for your soul 😇

Wow Royal, can’t believe the comments on this thread.
Tbh I am so with you. Spontaneity shouldn’t be lost once you have children. We have very occasional moments which are stolen and random and adult. It is what grounds our relationship and reminds us of who we are. We have varying ages of children and waiting till they were all asleep just wouldn’t work all the time. The 15 year old is up way past us and the 5 year old can wake in the night for one reason or another. Planned intimacy just doesn’t work for us.
It is a judgement call.