To wonder how the fuck people have sex?

[HerRoyalFattyness]

Earlier on this evening all 3 kids (10, 5 and 4) were engrossed in screens with headphones on. DP upstairs putting washing away.

So I go upstairs and initiate a quickie while the kids are distracted. Just as we get naked we hear "ummm... Mum, there's a problem"
"What?"
"DD has done a poo and it's everywhere... Even on the toilet seat. I think it's diarrhoea"
"Ok we'll sort it"

Mood completely killed, 5 year old was hosed down with the shower while DP cleaned up her mess in the downstairs loo.

It's now 20 to 11, kids all asleep. As is DP! So that's my plans ruined!

We've been together nearly 12 years now, how on earth are we meant to make intimacy a priority in our relationship with kids and exhaustion just trying to ruin it all?

What a lovely childhood memory - standing on the other side of a locked door while mum and dad go at it, - and this is a child young enough not to even be able to clean themselves up after a poo. What wonderful priorities.

Oh DD can clean herself up. She just had a bit of a dodgy tummy yesterday.
And we would hear the children coming up the stairs. The lock is extra security to make sure we don't traumatised them with any body parts.

You clearly never have sex ruffle because if you did you know that no matter when you do it there's a chance your kids will catch you in the act. Lighten up, or loosen up..m I'm sure your partner would appreciate that.

@RuffleCrow

Some people have children who randomly get up and night and wander in, they should never have sex..!

In the uk most people don't have locks on their bedroom doors in family homes @WorraLiberty. Not sure if it's different elsewhere. Maybe if you live in an HMO or something.

What a lovely childhood memory - standing on the other side of a locked door while mum and dad go at it, - and this is a child young enough not to even be able to clean themselves up after a poo. What wonderful priorities

Oh for goodness sake. The whole point of the thread was that OP couldn't have sex because her child WAS her priority.

loads of people i know have locks on their bedroom doors

Including older children

At night you'd hear them getting out of bed and then stop shagging, surely? Different to a noisy house in the day when everyone's everywhere.

In the uk most people don't have locks on their bedroom doors in family homes

How would you know.

The whole point of the thread was that OP couldn't have sex because her child WAS her priority.

Don't tell them rain let them figure it out themselves then watch as their tiny minds are blown that you can be a caring and devoted parent and still have a healthy and active sex life!

I thought it was because she didn't want shit everywhere.

Different to a noisy house in the day when everyone's everywhere

Did you even read my OP? All children were in one room on tablets with headphones. I would hear if one of them opened the living room door and started making their way up the stairs.
And also, even if they were everywhere, you have no idea the layout of my house. I would hear my children believe me. noisy fuckers. I'm always telling them it sounds like a herd of elephants

Ruffle

Are you reading the same thread as the rest of us🤔

I thought it was because she didn't want shit everywhere
Well it was a bit late for that by the time DS1 had shouted up to us. DD had already got shit everywhere.
So we stopped to clean her up (and the downstairs loo) and make sure she was ok.

For those of you who are saying go for it as long as your kids can't see you or hear you...
That was exactly my point. But there seem to be a handful who think it's fine to have sex or masturbate in the same room as your baby, some asleep, some awake, some newborn and some up to 9 months so far... some people are disgusting enough to have sex in the same room as someone elses baby. Would you be happy to inform the child's parents what you did? If not then I think you know its wrong. You'd never look after mine again.
There are other rooms there is no need to resort to being somewhere your dc can see you.
Because at what age does it become magically inappropriate? Children should not be witness to sexual activity.

Most of the houses i've ever been in or lived in don't have them @Rainonmyguitar - and i've lived in a lot of different homes. It's a cultural thing, i suspect. And also for safety - you don't want your 2 year old locking themselves in and tangling themselves up in your dressing gown cord or falling out the window something. Kids move surprisingly quickly and you spend the first few years just trying to keep them safe. See how i'm having to explain the basics?

Oh my you sound like a bundle of fun!!!!!

@Lulu49 I read that as ‘a bumhole of fun’ and thought the thread had taken a kinky turn 🙈

Kids move surprisingly quickly and you spend the first few years just trying to keep them safe. See how i'm having to explain the basics?

You're really not though are you. Have you never heard of a sliding bolt? Just a tiny little thing at the top of the door. Kids can't reach to lock themselves in, kids also can't open door from the outside. Win win.
You just need to use your brain a bit here ruffle

In the uk most people don't have locks on their bedroom doors in family homes @WorraLiberty. Not sure if it's different elsewhere. Maybe if you live in an HMO or something.

So only people in HMOs nip to Homebase and buy a bolt for their bedroom door, so the kids can't barge in?

And how do you know what 'most people' put on their bedroom doors?

Well you might not be fucked OP but your lighthearted thread certainly is * **

I think someone left the gate open at the miserable git farm.*

This op. Ignore the miserable people on here

I read that as ‘a bumhole of fun’ and thought the thread had taken a kinky turn

Shall we all swap bum jokes?

I have piles...

{ Boom - Tish! }

It took me a second to figure that out worra I was wondering what on earth was funny about piles at first.

In the bathroom with the door locked, can usually get a few minutes in there. Give the kids some food and TV, quickie in the kitchen against the door, no one can open it, can pretend we are in the kitchen cupboard for something. I think every couple should be trying to get quickie in everyday, helps keep it alive

Bumhole of fun

😂

I've just read the first several replies, then flipped to the end of the thread and seen Bumhole of fun!

RuffleCrow
It's a cultural thing, i suspect. And also for safety - you don't want your 2 year old locking themselves in and tangling themselves up in your dressing gown cord
See how i'm having to explain the basics?

Listen here you silly moo. Keys can be taken out of a lock ffs, talk about not understanding the basics! A cultural thing to have a lock on a door? Oh my christ😂.