To wonder how the fuck people have sex?

[HerRoyalFattyness]

Earlier on this evening all 3 kids (10, 5 and 4) were engrossed in screens with headphones on. DP upstairs putting washing away.

So I go upstairs and initiate a quickie while the kids are distracted. Just as we get naked we hear "ummm... Mum, there's a problem"
"What?"
"DD has done a poo and it's everywhere... Even on the toilet seat. I think it's diarrhoea"
"Ok we'll sort it"

Mood completely killed, 5 year old was hosed down with the shower while DP cleaned up her mess in the downstairs loo.

It's now 20 to 11, kids all asleep. As is DP! So that's my plans ruined!

We've been together nearly 12 years now, how on earth are we meant to make intimacy a priority in our relationship with kids and exhaustion just trying to ruin it all?

Fatty I'm East London/Essex but I do work with a northerner who rubs off on me, the dirty cow!

Worra well as long as you aren't my brother's girlfriend I suppose I'll let you off.

What’s wrong with people? Why is it grim to have sex while your kids are still awake?! I used to lock us in the bathroom for a quickie! Keeps the relationship fresh

Where are you all coming from and how long would it take for you all to go back there?

Well said, that woman @WorraLiberty

Why is it weird???? 🙄🙄.

This thread has actually put me off MN in a big way. I mean, the ridiculous comments are kind of funny but also alarmingly judgemental.
OP, I too have a primary aged son who is awake later than his father! The reasons are not important.
What is important is that DH is very, very, very happy to be awoken once all DC are asleep. He may be asleep, but he’s still available

Oh my you sound like a bundle of fun!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Jeez. You’re entitled to want a quickie and it isn’t going to damage your children for life if you do. You’re also allowed to be annoyed you can’t get away with a quickie. But so Wake your husband up!

Oh god, what was that awful comment about being present for your children? Who actually comes out with this toxic nonsense? Please let that be a troll and not a real parent.

I really miss the days most ppl on mn were actually mums
Eh? Most of us are.
Or are you trying to imply I must be a terrible parent for wanting a shag.
It is you who has assumed I would be loud and force my children to listen to it.
thats why pillows are useful...good for silencing

Don't be daft. None of us have a clue who anyone else his on here. That's kind of the point.

FFS OP don't silence your kids with pillows

That could go horribly wrong

RuffleCrow if that's the case then claiming to miss the days when most posters were mum's is pointless as you don't know they were.

I really do wish people would stop backtracking and claiming they meant something different when their posts are there for everyone to see... Except a couple of ruffles... Those have been deleted. I'm guessing for trollhunting?

worra oooohhhh... I thought it was odd that DS1 suddenly started needing an inhaler!

Goodness me, it’s not like you’re doing it in front of them or in earshot. As long as everyone is safe and happily entertaining themselves, why on earth not? It lifts the mood and reminds you that you are still (shock horror) a grown up and a partner. Why must we spend every waking hour proving our ‘motherness’? We can still love our children and enjoy our time with them whilst taking a little time for ourselves as adults. In answer to your question, 🤷‍♀️

What you need is Vaseline....smear it on the door handle and they won't be able to get it open

Because they could walk in at any moment @Mythreefavouritethings. Gross.

Vaseline I don't think it's me who needs Vaseline... Although a few posters on here clearly do

Because they could walk in at any moment

If my kids could open a locked door from the opposite side I'd be exploiting their skills and making a fortune.

@HerRoyalFattyness any sleeping tablets you can slip your kids 😉

You managed well enough to have 3 kids! How did you conceive number 3 ?

Never mind op better luck next time .... nice glass of wine time and a movie with a gorgeous hunk in it x

FFS has no-one on Mumsnet heard of locks?

Why do so many people presume no-one has them on their bedroom doors?

To be fair my children could open the locked door...its one of those safety locks

But by the time it occurred to them that the door was locked dh would be off me and fully dressed

He is that fucking quick...he can also sense a child outside, its eerie

No lock here ....yet

I rolled up our dressing gowns and stacked them and also popped a wedge under the door.

TBH I'd say the construction of said assault course took longer than the actual carnal scratch of the itch 🤔