To wonder how the fuck people have sex?

[HerRoyalFattyness]

Earlier on this evening all 3 kids (10, 5 and 4) were engrossed in screens with headphones on. DP upstairs putting washing away.

So I go upstairs and initiate a quickie while the kids are distracted. Just as we get naked we hear "ummm... Mum, there's a problem"
"What?"
"DD has done a poo and it's everywhere... Even on the toilet seat. I think it's diarrhoea"
"Ok we'll sort it"

Mood completely killed, 5 year old was hosed down with the shower while DP cleaned up her mess in the downstairs loo.

It's now 20 to 11, kids all asleep. As is DP! So that's my plans ruined!

We've been together nearly 12 years now, how on earth are we meant to make intimacy a priority in our relationship with kids and exhaustion just trying to ruin it all?

Christ on a bike the misery squad are out in force on this thread. There's nothing worse than needing a good seeing to and being unable to get it.

No, I think fine if you can manage it but don't be surprised that it might not go to plan.

Im not back tracking. I'm absolutely correct in saying that if you wish to live your life entirely free from the restrictions that children put on your life, then the only way to do that is to remain childfree

But nobody on this thread is talking about living your life entirely free from the restrictions that children put on your life...except you.

Its parenting 101, kids hinder your life

I'm absolutely correct in saying that if you wish to live your life entirely free from the restrictions that children put on your life, then the only way to do that is to remain childfree.

Ermmmm that's not what the op said though She posted a lighthearted thread about not being able to get some because her kid shit all over the loo. Y'know because it was funny.

Here's your grip.

No, I think fine if you can manage it but don't be surprised that it might not go to plan

Eh no that's not what you said. You didn't say 'fine' if you can manage it, you said If you wanted to shag during the day, then you should have stayed childfree to be honest!. As I said, you're trying to backtrack.

I actually dreamt about this thread last night
Had a very long dream where we'd adopted/fostered a whole load more kids, and had another family we know staying as well, but couldn't have a shag because all these kids kept getting in the way

Well it seems entirely uncontroversial to suggest if you want to live like a childfree person then the best thing to do is remain childfree

No, I think fine if you can manage it but don't be surprised that it might not go to plan.

But that's not what you said?

if you want to live like a childfree person then the best thing to do is remain childfree

Since when was wanting a quickie living like a child free person?
This thread is bonkers. It really is.
Some of you on here need help... Or a good shag.

Oh I used to love a bit of afternoon naughtiness now and again if the opportunity arose. Or early evening when they'd gone to bed. Not so easy now with teenagers (and dwindling hormones👎)

You want to try it in a fairly new relationship when you are living 3 of you in a 1 bedroom flat. You take dc shopping, let them buy unlimited amounts of plastic crap, DVD's, computer games & sweets that make them run round the walls, when you get home, leave them in the living room with their haul, then go to "tidy the bedroom & sort the ironing out" have the washing machine on it's loudest wash with the longest spin & pray that none of the plastic crap needs putting together or the hamster escapes from his cage again. That's what we used to do.

If you're leaving young kids unsupervised while you're off having sex, then of course it's not always going to go to plan. I'm not a prude, I have four young children and I've managed to keep on having daily sex without sneaking off for quickies while they're in another room. Mainly because mine start World War 3 as soon as I'm out the room, but it doesn't seem right to me. There's a time and a place.

There's a time and a place
Which in a relationship when you have kids and other commitments, is whenever the fuck you want as long as there's nothing needs sorting... Like a kid having diarrhoea.

OMG some of these responses 🙀

You should be able to have sex whenever you want if you feel the kids are distracted enough, don’t let it put you off as when the mood takes you it takes you x

What’s good for kids is parents with a strong relationship, you guys chasing the op with pitchforks likes she’s Fuckenstein are off your heads

Think that's bad
Wait till there teenagers

You've fought the prudes off like a sex starved champ HerRoyalFattyness.

Bravo 👏

Nice to see the self-righteous b*tch brigade are alive and well and that they still get on well with the miserable mummy gang! OP it's always tricky, get a lock on your bedroom door and take your chance when you can get it!

@HerRoyalFattyness I’ll take some of the heat.. dc2 was conceived when ds was only 12weeks old! Proper heathens!

I wonder how many of the tight arsed ladies “DH”s are having quickies without them...

Fuckenstein

A personal favourite of mine

There's a time and a place.

10pm every 4th Saturday & in bed & no doubt the missionary position going by some of the responses on this thread

I think one thing that the joyless brigade are not taking into account is quite how oblivious kids are to their parents antics when they're plugged into a tablet with headphones and a good Disney film.

Also it does slightly depend on the layout of your house how much privacy you can get. A couple of closed/squeaky doors/a bedroom lock gives you a couple of minutes warning you need to be decent.

Post bedtime sex is not always the best because of tiredness