To wonder how the fuck people have sex?

[HerRoyalFattyness]

Earlier on this evening all 3 kids (10, 5 and 4) were engrossed in screens with headphones on. DP upstairs putting washing away.

So I go upstairs and initiate a quickie while the kids are distracted. Just as we get naked we hear "ummm... Mum, there's a problem"
"What?"
"DD has done a poo and it's everywhere... Even on the toilet seat. I think it's diarrhoea"
"Ok we'll sort it"

Mood completely killed, 5 year old was hosed down with the shower while DP cleaned up her mess in the downstairs loo.

It's now 20 to 11, kids all asleep. As is DP! So that's my plans ruined!

We've been together nearly 12 years now, how on earth are we meant to make intimacy a priority in our relationship with kids and exhaustion just trying to ruin it all?

It doesn’t get easier either. Ours our 12 and 13 so never in bed before 10/11. Luckily mid evening they’re usually in their rooms doing whatever so we grab the chance then.

@HerRoyalFattyness maybe her neighbours mother makes that money by babysitting five minute shifts for parents having quickies?

Maybe a puppy? Fine, just don't have sex until it leaves home...

FWIW, we don't have the luxury of a "downstairs" cos I live in Australia, where the houses are (mostly) one level... so discrete is our middle name. Although it's getting harder (ahem) as they spend a lot of time in their rooms, both of which we share a wall with.

The shed mentioned below works well though...just make sure the dog doesn't see (he likes to watch...)

@Rainonmyguitar
Azzackly

🤣 Haha I forgot about that one.

maybe her neighbours mother makes that money by babysitting five minute shifts for parents having quickies?

Ah... That's a good point.
Do you reckon she's available for Saturday evenings?

differentnameforthis
You mean to tell me dogs can be traumatised too?
Fucking hell.
What about cats. I have two of them.

You could just accept it like most other people. You’re not 25 anymore. You’ve got responsibilities that come first

It is exactly because of these responsibilities that OP DID NOT HAVE SEX!!!!

It is exactly because of these responsibilities that OP DID NOT HAVE SEX!!!!

Until this morning when I left my responsibilities to their own devices and had a very satisfying shag.

HerRoyalFattyness You really need to stop now, cats are very sensitive to it, you know!!

FWIW I saw my parents having sex more then once (they left me downstairs A LOT as a child) because they'd do it with their door open! I am not traumatized. I mean yeah, it's something that I could have grown up not seeing, but you know, it's just sex!

*than

If you're wondering how most parents do, the answer is that they don't go to bed at 9pm!

I would honestly just ask DP to stay up later sometimes. If he doesn't want to then... there's your problem! Not the kids!

3. If you have more than one child, that means you've had sex with your child in the house and you are disgusting

No, my mother babysat for us on the night before I ovulated so that we could have sex the one necessary time!

Dear god, this thread is utterly priceless!

The level of pearl clutching and puritanical comments is incredible. Some people are so uptight and pretty nasty too.

OP, hope you get sorted soon!

No, my mother babysat for us on the night before I ovulated so that we could have sex the one necessary time!

I'm pretty sure most people here are talking about spontaneous sex

I'm actually aghast at people saying it's inappropriate, weird etc to try and get in a quickie while the kids are up and about.

How the fuck do you think they got here in the first place?!

Honest to fuck I don't understand how some people actually have fun in their life.

I can’t face reading the whole thread so im just going to reply to the op

I feel your pain

It doesn’t get any better as dh refuses to do anything if the children are in their rooms...any they are never bloody out of them

Firstly very shocking OP wanting to DTD after having children - will lead to inevitable riot! I recall Sunday afternoon the household being sent into lockdown after lunch as everyone had enforced post lunch 'nap'/quiet time in which as children we were strictly forbidden to leave rooms! Now I realise that parents were probably not having a nap! Scandalous...

Oh hun!

🤮

It's amazing that any of us are here, given that most of our ancestors would have lived in one or two rooms. Mind you, they did tend to have lots of children so presumably we're also too poor to have pearls to clutch.

WERE!

Sodding autocarrot.

Yanbu same here this weekend too,
The only answer is early nights for kids or a babysitter.

Sodding autocarrot

autocarrot !!!

That’s the best. Really. The best. Lifted my shitty mood immensely. It wasn’t me. It was the autocarrot.

Love you MN.

🥕🥕🥕

No, my mother babysat for us on the night before I ovulated so that we could have sex the one necessary time!

The thought of only having sex when necessary is what nightmares are made of!

The thought of only having sex when necessary is what nightmares are made of!

Even dolphins have sex for pleasure!

Wait untill all kids are asleep, quickies are crap have the full on sex when kids are asleep