To wonder how the fuck people have sex?

[HerRoyalFattyness]

Earlier on this evening all 3 kids (10, 5 and 4) were engrossed in screens with headphones on. DP upstairs putting washing away.

So I go upstairs and initiate a quickie while the kids are distracted. Just as we get naked we hear "ummm... Mum, there's a problem"
"What?"
"DD has done a poo and it's everywhere... Even on the toilet seat. I think it's diarrhoea"
"Ok we'll sort it"

Mood completely killed, 5 year old was hosed down with the shower while DP cleaned up her mess in the downstairs loo.

It's now 20 to 11, kids all asleep. As is DP! So that's my plans ruined!

We've been together nearly 12 years now, how on earth are we meant to make intimacy a priority in our relationship with kids and exhaustion just trying to ruin it all?

We have a 10 year old and a 15 year old. The 15yo amongst other issues NEVER sleeps!! So we can't even DTD in bed at night Cos I can hear him moving around.

We have taken to locking ourselves in the garage from the inside to "clean it" 😂

I read the thread and was going to ask if you got yours op and am very glad you did.

Thread made me laugh... the pearl clutchers do know how babies are made, right?

So it's ok for your husband to go in another room and have a wank then? It's the same thing though. And please don't tell me this doesn't happen because believe me it does especially if your rarely have sex!
No it doesn’t happen my dh doesn’t mastutbate it’s against our religion. Like I said if you read my other post, we have a healthy sex life when our children are asleep! It’s only day time sex that is rare.

Wow lots of judgement on here. Why is it a no no if kids are awake!! Not like op is planning a full show in front of them. We feel the same at the moment. Too many bloody kids and all notice if we disappear!! Just have to grab the moment when you can!!

I'm very jealous that people's quickies last only 5 minutes.

Increasing age= increased quickie time.

One thing, OP. I missed the ages of your children. If they’re all at school, and your DH is a SAHD, what is it that makes your DH so tired during the day that he has to go to bed at 9pm? I would find it a bit upsetting if I was coming in from work at 7.30pm, eating etc, spending time with the children, and the only time that DH had for me was a quickie before he went to bed apparently exhausted at 9pm.

Is he up v early with the kids? Or has a health problem that makes him tired? It’s lovely that you can fit in sex so often with children about but are you getting enough time together too?

“Increasing age= increased quickie time.”

Yep. Sometimes we have to give up because it Seems to coincide with the age that kids get wise to what you’re doing too. How unfair is that?!

Make the most of doing it while the kids are none the wiser, all you young quickie lovers!

www.nhs.uk/live-well/sleep-and-tiredness/how-much-sleep-do-kids-need/

For all the miseries last night, here are the NHS guidelines on how much sleep kids need. A 10 year old on average needs 9 hours 45 mins. I'm assuming those going to bed at 7.30pm need to get up around 5am then?? Behave 🙄

CurlyhairedAssassin
Up early with the kids, up through the night with the kids, caring for his mum who had a stroke 3 weeks ago during the day when the kids are at school (personally can't stand the woman and my kids have nothing to do with her as she is so disgusting, but she's his mum and I will never stop him seeing her or caring for her when she has been so unwell) doing the majority of the housework etc etc.
If roles were reversed and it was a SAHM who was exhausted, then no one would bat an eyelid.

I’m sorry I couldn’t read TFT, at 23 pages long!! But I did get a lot of giggles from the first few pages so thanks for that!! I guess your partner should just stay away later one night a week or so, so you can have that time. He’s obviously not that bothered by it. It’s really not that deep though, is it? I do however think a lot of people forget that children are (normally) a product of two people in love... so this whole ‘putting your children before your relationship’ malarkey does urk me.

It’s really not that deep though, is it?

OP should probably have pulled her knickers more to the side.

No it doesn’t happen my dh doesn’t mastutbate it’s against our religion.

Jimmy Hill.

It’s really not that deep though, is it

I beg to differ

Rubyuber
shouldn't you be prioritising your children instead of posting on here?

@HerRoyalFattyness @WorraLiberty 😂🙈

I feel you - we have a 12 year old that stays up late reading (and according to his last school report has a reading age of 17 so not all bad).

He goes to bed and reads, we turn some music on and have sex in the front room as I would be to knackered if I waited for him to fall asleep.

Lots of internalisation of the Madonna Complex here

In the words of Desmond Morris 'we may like to think that we are fallen angels, we are in fact risen apes'

No it doesn’t happen my dh doesn’t mastutbate it’s against our religion

And you believe him?

Just do it when you go up to bed!
If he's asleep give him a nudge - I'm sure he won't mind. Then you can both cuddle and go to sleep and he's had an extra nap first.
Everybody wins?

Cornish I wouldn't wake him. He's a grumpy sod when woken.

Also people are kind of missing the point here. The whole point of a quicky is that I was horny then and there, I didn't want to wait a few hours as the moment may have passed!

I think it gets harder not easier when they're older. Bloody teens never seem to go to sleep and they especially like to go for a noisy wee when it's getting fun

I agree BUT then they go to uni and no one tells you about that particular bonus and any empty nesters out there will know what I'm talking about

Baggy tracksuit bottoms are the answer up and down in no time. Its our secret signal when we both wear them.

I just thought of Janet & Jonny in Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps.

I've just managed to read the whole thread, so funny.

pavelinap super. Well done to your neighbours mother