To wonder how the fuck people have sex?

[HerRoyalFattyness]

Earlier on this evening all 3 kids (10, 5 and 4) were engrossed in screens with headphones on. DP upstairs putting washing away.

So I go upstairs and initiate a quickie while the kids are distracted. Just as we get naked we hear "ummm... Mum, there's a problem"
"What?"
"DD has done a poo and it's everywhere... Even on the toilet seat. I think it's diarrhoea"
"Ok we'll sort it"

Mood completely killed, 5 year old was hosed down with the shower while DP cleaned up her mess in the downstairs loo.

It's now 20 to 11, kids all asleep. As is DP! So that's my plans ruined!

We've been together nearly 12 years now, how on earth are we meant to make intimacy a priority in our relationship with kids and exhaustion just trying to ruin it all?

How is doing it whilst they’re awake but occupied any different to doing when they are asleep but prone to frequent wakings or night terrors? The little one got poorly suddenly- that was the only reason they were interrupted, that could’ve happened any time, including the middle of the night.

I’m pretty particular about the circumstances in which I wish to have sex and I would class myself as pretty prudish but seriously, having sex with your husband isn’t “grim” it’s normal and healthy and good for your relationship- whether your kids happen to have their eyes open or closed (as long as they aren’t actually in the same room) Agree best not to remove too many clothes OP, crack on!

I'll take some of the heat off you OP... I sometimes have a quickie in the daytime.. with.. my boyfriend.. so he's not my childrens father. Yes, I had the temerity to date before my children left home!

I'm going to draw fire from the pearl-clutchers here. Me and DH had sex with our GRANDBABY in the cot, in the same room. Come at me, I dare you...

Leno you shouldn't be having sex at all. Doing so means you are not only failing your children but now grandchildren! Tut tut. You should be ashamed

Who else failed at parenting this morning 🙋🏼‍♀️

FFS some right twats on here
So they like sex - perhaps you're all in sexless marriages that will go to the dogs.
Get a life!

@HerRoyalFattyness this thread should be the evidence presented in every future "Mumsnet has changed" thread

You are an amateur though, actually getting naked, you were taking the piss.

Wow, DH and I have sexy time often when kids aren’t yet asleep. They’re not there and watching fgs, usually on their computer or whatever. Sometimes op, we’d nip out to the garage, we even put our old mattress in there. I found iPads and earphones pretty useful too.

If I was sexually inclined the garage sounds like a great idea if a bit spidery.

Just read this thread in full. What the actual fuck is that all about? I agree with a poster upthread who said they are more concerned at the ridiculous judgy, no sex, 10 year old kids in bed at 7 posters. Seriously loosen up.

This thread has really made me laugh this morning.

Oh dear, sounds like our attempts right now- interrupted by a woken up child, grumpy one or next door banging to ask a favour .

My parents used to rent us a blockbuster dvd and give us a bowl of icecream before racing upstairs on a Saturday night. Took ages to realise why, i remember the epiphany as a teen and the embarrassment lol.

I love OP's moxy! I find a good film and any snacks they want keeps DD occupied for a good 20 mins or so before she enquires of my whereabouts. I've had my fun by then.

OP some might say it's grim but I think you're children are lucky to have two parents who love each other enough and still make a (DISCREET PEOPLE) effort with their relationship - plenty don't, I suspect many of them are on this thread. Good luck.

It's really interesting how these threads seem to go in waves.

One poster has the confidence or audacity to say X, then everyone piles in and says "yep X is disgusting too".

Then one person (not me!) brilliantly articulated Y, and everyone chimes in and says "yep, Y! You go girl"

Interested to see who comes along to bring us back to X (shudder)

Lol yes very typical

Did wait till they were asleep but usually worn out then gets more problematic with teens never going to bed

Remember once ds walking in on us in the morning when he was little

Obviously didn't expect that. Dh said he was giving mummy a cuddle. Hope we haven't scarred ds For life😊

Or when we were literally relaxing watching tv together for a few minutes and the dc managed to knock a bottle of red wine on the dining room table onto our new carpet😕

Just caught up on the thread. Some of the usual suspects posting utter fucking nonsense.

“Steve, stick the baby outside the cave so you can ride me raw”

😂😂 laughing at setting the alarm at 5.30am for sex 😂😂

Only thing this thread has done is make me feel miserable/guilty I don't have sex. Poor husband.
I really can't be arsed though. With small kids, one only 8 months, jobs and domestic chores I never have time or inclination.
I admire your stamina.

Well you might not be fucked OP but your lighthearted thread certainly is * *
*
I think someone left the gate open at the miserable git farm.*

I love sex. I have 3 children. I have had sex when they're awake. I am a harlot.

@GinDaddy It's really interesting how these threads seem to go in waves.

I find the attitudes towards sex from some posters on MN bizarre at times, it is almost as if women are expected to not want to have sex-you are derided if you do or celebrated if you don't (with the odd "your DH is such a twat for wanting sex" thrown in for good measure). I am not talking about abusive arseholes either before anyone starts, I mean nice, normal DHs who express a sexual interest in their partners.

Its weird-surely most adult relationships have a mutual sexual attraction?

Wow people on here are uptight.

As long as the kids can’t hear or walk in on you there is NOTHING wrong with a quickie while they are awake.

We have 6 kids, we would never have had sex otherwise!

@Rubyuber what a nasty sanctimonious arsehole you seem to be

I’m wondering if some of the posters not understanding how others can have a quickie with the kids awake prefer a longer more satisfactory sex session than a quickie, which as someone else has already mentioned usually leaves the man sexually satisfied but not the woman. I’m assuming all you regular quickie lovers have an orgasm each time?

My experience of quickies is that they are a bit of fun and a turn on but they’re not usually long enough for me to orgasm. pleased for DH obviously but I’d get mine later on that night when we had more time to also focus on me. Im going to assume that the people who like regular quickies with the kids awake and whose other halves go to bed early orgasm from that quickie, otherwise it’s pretty shit of the male partner to bugger off to bed early having got his rocks off but not his wife’s.