To wonder how the fuck people have sex?

[HerRoyalFattyness]

Earlier on this evening all 3 kids (10, 5 and 4) were engrossed in screens with headphones on. DP upstairs putting washing away.

So I go upstairs and initiate a quickie while the kids are distracted. Just as we get naked we hear "ummm... Mum, there's a problem"
"What?"
"DD has done a poo and it's everywhere... Even on the toilet seat. I think it's diarrhoea"
"Ok we'll sort it"

Mood completely killed, 5 year old was hosed down with the shower while DP cleaned up her mess in the downstairs loo.

It's now 20 to 11, kids all asleep. As is DP! So that's my plans ruined!

We've been together nearly 12 years now, how on earth are we meant to make intimacy a priority in our relationship with kids and exhaustion just trying to ruin it all?

Indeed I'm 28

I hate to break it to you but my eldest was known as "contraception" at one point because if we even turned over in bed, she would start yelling about us being at it like rabbits.

On the rare occasion that we discover ourselves home along we get down to it very quickly.

Imagine having the temerity to still want a sexual relationship with your DH, OP! I am shaking my pearls at you in outrage!

In all seriousness, WTAF at some of the responses you have had.By the standards set by some on here I highly doubt me and DH would have had sex in the last 13 years! Sending children to bed earlier is not even an option really, it doesnt make them go to sleep any earlier and you then just get the 2 hour good night of "Im getting a drink, Im going to the loo, I cant find that red piece of Lego that I MUST have in my possesion to go to sleep, I am too warm, can I go to Jamie's tomorrow, where is my left sock? Why are rhinoceroses grey mummy? What is for tea tomorrow?" I will keep them up later and take my chances at being labelled the world's worst mother thanks!

Waiting for DC to go to sleep has also failed woefully in the past, when they were younger they would-almost without fail-wake at the crucial moment and that was with our sex life on mute. I do book the odd week day off for when they are in school for "us" time, but that does not a sex life make. especially because invariably on those days every bugger in a five mile radius decides to knock on the fecking door...joyless bastards must have radar

As long as DC safe and properly engaged in something (yes, even in screen time!) I really see no problem with this. Its healthy to still want to have sex with your partner and after children, you grab any reasonable chance you get just so long as the feral little sods do not take the opportunity to smear faeces everywhere

Better luck for today OP!

I go to bed at 9 because I get tired. We have sex in the morning when our 11 yr old is up and about and we are still in bed. Can’t believe some posters think you shouldn’t have sex if kids are awake.

God did mumsnet go mad last night?! The worst ones got to be the poster making out op is a bad mother for working long shifts. What a Dick.

Haven't read the full thread

I have a lock on my bedroom door cause I work nights and it stops a 5 year old pottering in and waking me up

That helps

(Obviously we stop if the kids need us, but if they're playing and we're free... the lock helps remove the "what if they walk in and are scarred for life!!?" feelings!)

Get a grip ppl, sex is normal and there is nothing wrong with dtd while your kids are awake. It's not like they are in the same fucking room.

Put a lock on your door, problem solved

@Rainonmyguitar
Azzackly

If it was common practice for parents never to have sex while a child was awake surely there would be a lot more only children? Or have one kid, then another 18 or so years later, because you waited for the first one to move out.

There was a post on here recently about how this forum has gone to the dogs. Specifically, you have to write ‘light hearted’ otherwise, posters will deliberately ignore the tone and start piling in with sanctimonious, holier than thou bollocks.

This thread is the finest example of that I’ve seen yet.

To all those who have posted stuff like this:

You could just accept it like most other people. You’re not 25 anymore. You’ve got responsibilities that come first

"Accept it"... what is "it"?

Not having a sex life once you have children?

What I can't understand from this thread is why people are so snidely insisting to the OP that having a sex life with young children is considered "irresponsible", that we should just "accept it", that quickies are "grubby" or whatever someone posted earlier..

I feel dreadfully sorry for the husbands of these posters, not because I believe they have some divine right to sex, but it's more the buttoned up attitude that removes any chance of spontaneity or fun

Then these are the same posters who are critical posting AIBU about their DH staying out late at night, who check their DH phones, worry about some woman at the office... there are hundreds of those threads on here a month

I think so many are projecting onto the OP because she has a healthy sex appetite and her husband openly desires her.

If that's not your life? You can change it - if it's important to you. If you'd rather have a cup of tea and a biscuit or curl up with a book because you're exhausted from DCs, that's fair too.

Don't however give the OP a kicking just because she's young and choosing to enjoy her life in the 21st century and not of your Victorian mores

Anyone notice that the judgy posters must all be having a lie in??

Ok OP, I don't like to make assumptions when I don't know you but I just want to say that you seem...

1. To have a sense of humour and fiesty disposition
2. To have a great relationship with your DP
3. To have maintained your sense of self and knowledge that you remain a person when you have kids - be the picture not the frame, as they say.
4. To be a thoughtful, hardworking mum who is engaged with what her kids are like and what they need.

FWIW, I think you're rocking it.

I'm in shock having just read 18 pages of people saying that women should lay down like doormats to serve their kids' needs and forgo any semblance of a life in the meantime. What kids are they going to raise? Well, most probably the kind that think they have to do the same then come into MN to judge others in their desperate attempts to feel that their choices are the right ones (like Ruby-whatsit, good grief!).

Best of luck with finding your time and space. I'm rooting for you (figuratively of course)

Sorry, I've giggled at the responses on here OP! Pearl clutchers dot com 😂😂

We have six children so I hear you!! We used to (and still do...) do it in the shower. The kids wouldn't turn a hair at us 'getting ready for bed' so we could just pop up to our room, 'get ready' by having a shower and come down with pyjamas on, nobody any the wiser. I read about the night terrors so this one might not be a goer but we also realised it was probably better to have early morning rather than late night sex so we would do that too. Anyway, an occasional quick shag is lovely so keep trying!

We find the morning a good time when our son has had breakfast and been for a poo and the baby is in bed. We stick him on the sofa with juice and tv on or he sits on his bed with an iPad and headphones

Preparation is key don't try do it when one of them is hungry or the iPad has no battery or they are bored of the tv etc etc

@YellWat amen to this brilliant post!

Wow this thread is something else. I haven't had sex in 4 years and even I'm not as miserable as half the people on here.

As long as your not doing it in front of the kids and they are occupied I can't see the problem. Anyone would think from some of the reactions that the op had said she had done it on the dining table during Sunday lunch.

You're not your

Also this isn't a brag but I really do have sex 4-5 times a week with my husband we have a 3 year old and a 3 month old
We often have sex when they are both in and is usually during the day
The 3 month old goes in his cot and the three year old watches tv or otherwise I try to do it at lunch break when my husband can come home
Night time we are both so exhausted that sex is less enticing

Want sex? Don't have kids

Goodness me.

Bloody hell MN isn't what it was.

Where did all the joyless, puritan sanctimonious twats emerge from? I remember when weekend sex threads were actually hilarious.

ruby some of the things you have come out with are vile. Truly vile.

I am 27 with two children, does that make me beneath you also?

Hello I'd like to introduce you to my daughters contraception and bromide and our son, little nix libedo

Grovee

OP start wearing skirts, invest in a bedroom door lock, snacks and netflix for kids and get stop watch ready

There are some right sex starved spoil sports on this thread!

Not that I've been spend the night thinking about parent having sex whilst their children where awake or asleep but it made me think about this TV show.

(Though it's the awake bit that's the problem isn't it? Sleeping children are ok? Is that because of the ambulatory nature of awakeness? OP I think they are suggesting you drug your children. If one of them sleep walks shackle them.)

Anyway there was this episode of Wife Swap (think it was) where the wife was all subservient. She had this thing going on about being a 'Japanese wife*' (insulting to a few million people in Japan). Every evening she'd make herself up and get dresses in stockings and a kimono dress and wait for the husband to return. When he did she brought him upstairs bathed and seviced him. (Then presumably gave him his home cooked dinner.)

The son was made to sit and wait downstairs whilst this was going on (knowing what was going on). Not going to lie I thought it was a bit weird. 'Grim' even.

So unless the OP is shagging in front of her children or making an announcement she's off for a quickie I think it's all good.