To wonder how the fuck people have sex?

[HerRoyalFattyness]

Earlier on this evening all 3 kids (10, 5 and 4) were engrossed in screens with headphones on. DP upstairs putting washing away.

So I go upstairs and initiate a quickie while the kids are distracted. Just as we get naked we hear "ummm... Mum, there's a problem"
"What?"
"DD has done a poo and it's everywhere... Even on the toilet seat. I think it's diarrhoea"
"Ok we'll sort it"

Mood completely killed, 5 year old was hosed down with the shower while DP cleaned up her mess in the downstairs loo.

It's now 20 to 11, kids all asleep. As is DP! So that's my plans ruined!

We've been together nearly 12 years now, how on earth are we meant to make intimacy a priority in our relationship with kids and exhaustion just trying to ruin it all?

Totally grim to DTD while such young children are awake downstairs what did you expect.

I personally think that there is nothing more to add to this thread as it has all been posted .

Totally grim to DTD while such young children are awake downstairs what did you expect.

Are people objecting to this because they think the children are more likely to walk in on them or is it just the concept of sex lives and family life overlapping in any way?

If it's the first, I'd like to say that me and DP could be having sex in the middle of the night, on a separate continent to our children, having spiked their bedtime drinks with laudanum and there is STILL a decent chance that we will be interrupted at a rather crucial moment by a five year old with a bad dream/vendetta.

If it's the second... Come on... Sex isn't bad, it isn't shameful and there seem to be some rather concerning attitudes toward it on here.

Bellsbuss...it's a need must situation

@nutjobby for me they are awake during the day I just seems different If they are in bed asleep. Yes there is a chance they may still come in but everyone in their own rooms not downstairs wanting drinks fighting’s with each other etc awake during the day.

Do women really enjoy quickies? Really? I mean, DH likes them, because well, he gets to uhh.. finish.

Takes more than a quickie for me. Aren’t you all left feeling unsatisfied? 🤔

Jesus Christ, some of the responses on this thread.
Maybe if some of you had the odd quickie, you wouldn't be so fucking uptight.

justheretostalk,
Where were you 2 hours ago when the thread was getting boring ?

Sorry, I was asleep. I go to bed at 9pm so clearly I’m a problem 😂😂

OP, I congratulate on your will to do the nasty!

When I asked a few years ago about having sex in morning with dd occupied by the ipad (probably age 3 and is/always was the kind of child who would not move if watching something) I was told yanbu by most posters. I'm baffled by these responses given my previous experience of asking a similar question

Op I have no answers, I guess you'll have to wait until they leave home.

OP, when it’s nearer Christmas you can shut the bedroom door and say your wrapping presents 😁

Christ alive, this thread needs to go to Classics. Utter bonkers shit like this needs to be saved and enjoyed. Some of these posts are so batshit I've no idea where to begin! fatty I will pray for your poor sitting children and your shag. Also I think I'm slightly in love with hotsauce after this thread, bloody hilarious

You lot are a bunch of jealous twats. Go for it @HerRoyalFattyness
I’m really happy and proud that you are trying and wanting to keep the spark alive in your relationship
Atta girl

But did you shag? ( hopes and prays)

I've never read such judgey, OTT responses to any thread before! How weirdly sanctimonious and overinvolved. It's just a sarky, fun post about a normal, real life situation!. I'm confused how all these women can be nuns and mums simultaneously...

@TheSandman you rule

"grim"

No wonder the rest of the world thinks Brits are the most prudish people on the planet!

This thread is BONKERS!!!

OP lord knows you need to put lighthearted in the title eh?

FWIW, we have 3yr old twins so quickies are our preferred method if we waited until the kids slept we’d never do it. It’s always a quickie unless we’re home alone and even when we are home alone it’s a quickie .

I also didn’t realise that by having kids I was giving up the fact I could have sex according to many posters on here.

Hope you got your shag in the end OP!!

10pm is too late for a ten year old unless a one off , visiting relatives or special occasion. A better routine may help with his night terrors.

My daughter is 9. She goes to bed at 10 on a school night. It's currently midnight and we're watching Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

And my husband and I have sex when they're awake. You do it when you can. 🤷

This thread is BONKERS!!!
Yep. Sums it up. But still, it has given me lots of amusement.

Gordon Bennett, I couldn't believe what I read about having a quickie with three young kids around. Learn some self control why don't you.

Fucking hell. I must have missed the memo that having kids means you can never have sex during the day ever again.
My husband always puts on a film for ours and gives them a ton of snacks if we want a quickie. We call it “tidying the bedroom”...

This thread is hilarious, the pearl clutching is beyond belief!

A good few here need a bloody good shag...... even the ones over 25! I mean that's the cut off age for having a sex drive?

PP saying the OP shouldn't of had kids....... sone kids are beaten, abused, and uncared for but because OP was having a quickie with her DH without the children's knowledge she should of had kids. That's a mumsnet classic comment, followed closely by "your child was sick and you'd rather have sex" I thought OP stated they stopped and dealt with sick child? So what's the problem? Would you say the same if PP had been changing the beds and had to stop to deal with a sick child, or showering or bathing?

OP I hope you get your quickie soon and to all the PP who say they should have sex late at night, early morning....... you know a quickie mid afternoon is what you want

As some PPs have said a locked bathroom is your friend!

Gordon Bennett, I couldn't believe what I read about having a quickie with three young kids around. Learn some self control why don't you.

Clutch those pearls a bit tighter!