To wonder how the fuck people have sex?

[HerRoyalFattyness]

Earlier on this evening all 3 kids (10, 5 and 4) were engrossed in screens with headphones on. DP upstairs putting washing away.

So I go upstairs and initiate a quickie while the kids are distracted. Just as we get naked we hear "ummm... Mum, there's a problem"
"What?"
"DD has done a poo and it's everywhere... Even on the toilet seat. I think it's diarrhoea"
"Ok we'll sort it"

Mood completely killed, 5 year old was hosed down with the shower while DP cleaned up her mess in the downstairs loo.

It's now 20 to 11, kids all asleep. As is DP! So that's my plans ruined!

We've been together nearly 12 years now, how on earth are we meant to make intimacy a priority in our relationship with kids and exhaustion just trying to ruin it all?

Doing it in front of a toddler or child is one thing but babies don't understand what is happening 😂 My 6 week old babies haven't even discovered their own hands. Why would it be vile if their parents had sex while they are in their own cot?

Hi OP,
I loved your post and get it totally, but this is MN and if you post a thread on here then you have to expect lots of opinions and many will not agree with you .

MamaDane oh no! You can't possibly do that because a friend of a friend's uncles cousins neighbours dogs auntie did it and her baby remembered it. Yep. Memories from being 6 weeks old can stay with you if traumatic enough and seeing their parents naked is extremely traumatic.

butterymuffin the grimmest part of the thread was imo the few women saying they regularly had sex while their babies were awake in a cot next to the bed. Vile.

How would you have managed if you’d been born 200 years ago?

When only well off weren't sleeping in the same room as their kids and/or the livestock.

(Though, to be fair, maybe raspberryk is very noisy and has a sex life that involves regularly doing things that will scare horses. Not all of us swing from the chandeliers every time while doing it.)

It's grim because it sounds chaotic and sad. 3 kids on tablets, while their parents try to have sex upstairs, and they all have late bedtimes and the household has sleep issues.

Good God. The fucking perfect parents are out in force tonight. Tbh, OP’s household sounds a lot more loving and fun than some of the miserable puritanical bastards on here. What an uptight, po faced bunch. 🙄

Alexa oh it's definitely more fun when not shit filled

going shopping for ice cream and popcorn

Oh Jesus. Don’t tell them this OP. You’ll have the nutrition gestapo on here in a minute telling you how your DC must be malnourished.

Oh gosh!
But it was all gluten free! (Coeliac DS2)
So surely that helps yes? Because I avoided the glutens?

2 of our 4 are awake downstairs (3 storey house) and we just had a fantastic shag. Couldn't wait for them to fall asleep, teenagers work on entirely different clocks to adults.

TheJellyBabyMadeMeDoIt yeah yeah, rub it in
You're brave admitting to having sex while there were children awake

Tbh, OP’s household sounds a lot more loving and fun than some of the miserable puritanical bastards on here

🤣😂 It sure does.

Oh Waah Baaaaw how could any decent woman ever want to have sex when she's already got children? You've got more than one child, as well, OP! You must have had sex more than once! How could you?

Tbh, OP’s household sounds a lot more loving and fun than some of the miserable puritanical bastards on here. What an uptight, po faced bunch. 🙄

This ^^

On the other hand, the cynic in me thinks the OP just wants MNetters to inbox her with offers of babysitting in 4 minute stints.

I'm willing to cover Saturday to Monday. Who's up for the rest of the week?

We can't have her children being left alone using modern technology and shitting themselves left right and centre.

Together we can make a difference here.

WANTED

CAPABLE BABYSITTER, AVAILABLE FOR 5 MINUTES EVERY 3 HOURS, 7 DAYS A WEEK, EVERY FOURTH WEEK OFF.

My darling is 9 now going on 19 and she goes to a lot of clubs after school( swimming, dance etc) and to be honest me and her dad spend our time discussing who is taking her to club and who is picking her up.

Your 10 year old should not be awake at 10pm, ‘reading’ or otherwise. No wonder he doesn’t sleep well. He should be in bed for 7:30 with 30 mins’ reading allowed.

Aye sure thing, supernanny.

Jeez some right miserable sods on here tonight!

OP just wait til they’re teenagers, you might as well book into a nunnery

Harlot's and hussies the lot of you.

Sex is for procreation and should be done in the dead of night, lights off with your nightie over your head.

you might as well book into a nunnery
Well I'd probably get to moan the lord's name more often

Husband works nights so unless we had quickies with awake kids downstairs we would literally NEVER HAVE SEX from Wednesday to Monday. We both quite like sex. Regularly.

Strangely we have only been caught whilst in bed at 11pm....as in a 'normal and conventional well planned time'

And we were in the missionary position.

My friend claims kids know... like a sixth semse ( she also has sex when her children are awake, clearly we are very out there)

I have only experienced this 'sixth sense' child phenomenon when i either want to sit down for five minutes or need a poo, both of which usually get interrupted by some child related disaster meaning my planned sit down (on loo or sofa) is always cut short.

Nonmotherof3
Well your username is very apt. What kind of mother has sex, while her children are awake.
Tut tut.

5 minutes???

Piss taking cow.

I'm not sitting with your kids while you have sex twice

Continued ,
So we decided to book a posh hotel in London to stay over on a Saturday night , ( even though we live in Central London) haha , just to relax and order room service and have a bath without my daughter shouting that she wants a snack or the cats are fighting on the couch.
My daughter stays over at her aunties and to be honest she has a great time there and we stay in a posh hotel and pay £26 each for a gorgeous breakfast to be delivered to our room.
That will do us for 3 months .
Lol

Do the “no sex, we’re parents” mob only have one kid? Otherwise how do they think kids get younger siblings if they’re not allowed to have sex within the vicinity of the existing child?

Your 10 year old should not be awake at 10pm, ‘reading’ or otherwise. No wonder he doesn’t sleep well. He should be in bed for 7:30 with 30 mins’ reading allowed

Aye sure thing, supernanny

It's unasseptable.

It's discusting.