To wonder how the fuck people have sex?

[HerRoyalFattyness]

Earlier on this evening all 3 kids (10, 5 and 4) were engrossed in screens with headphones on. DP upstairs putting washing away.

So I go upstairs and initiate a quickie while the kids are distracted. Just as we get naked we hear "ummm... Mum, there's a problem"
"What?"
"DD has done a poo and it's everywhere... Even on the toilet seat. I think it's diarrhoea"
"Ok we'll sort it"

Mood completely killed, 5 year old was hosed down with the shower while DP cleaned up her mess in the downstairs loo.

It's now 20 to 11, kids all asleep. As is DP! So that's my plans ruined!

We've been together nearly 12 years now, how on earth are we meant to make intimacy a priority in our relationship with kids and exhaustion just trying to ruin it all?

I want a good seeing to, not a half arsed pump and dump.

Dont, you will set them off. You'll be accused of swinging naked from chandeliers next.

HotSince82 unfortunately DP had the snip, and the twins I was pregnant with before he got it done weren't compatible with life, so no more kids.

Maybe a puppy?

OP stay spontaneous, next time DH goes upstairs because the washing needs sorting,grab your opportunity. Every moment is different that's the plus side of life with children. I have 4, who are now adults and teens, but no matter if you have ten or none, it really is not hard to get what you are saying.

Don't understand the prude comments on here. Lock on bedroom door and teaching the children to always knock before entering works very well for us .....spontaneous sex while the kids are happy and occupied at home. how bloody dare you Op

Butterymuffin you'd be shocked at what my DP can do in a couple of minutes. It's one of the reasons we've lasted 12 years.

Well that escalated . I mean I know your post is lighthearted OP, and I get it.

A shed. You need a shed. DH goes to ours to pursue unspecified manly business and whilst DC are plugged in I 'take him a cuppa'. Privacy and a bit of a Lady Chatterley vibe = winning combination.

😂 lots of Judy arseholes here, mumsnet isn't r/l op, don't worry about it.

I feel sorry for your kids if you think that prioritising young children in the daytime over having a shag means having to wise up!

Once again showing your immaturity. I feel you're getting rattled not the sex kind of rattled by some of the replies you're getting here???

The posters who are slating OP for her working hours are pathetic. What has OP done to get you so riled up? You might want to find a release for that.

My 10 year old has just gone to bed and it is midnight. I am laughing at the thought of her sleeping as early as 7.30. She is a crap sleeper, always has been and she has inherited by night owl body clock. She goes up at 9.00 during the week but she is awake for bloody ages. My other four were always amazing sleepers but she isn't.

I think a lot of these comments are from idiots who are bored on a Saturday night and couldn't wait to spew their shit at someone. That or they simply do not understand what it is like to want sex.

Sheesh @Rubyuber, chill the fuck out!

DH & I didn’t always prioritize our younger DCs while we snuck away for quickies while they were awake. We have three lovely pre-teens/teens who are wonderful and not in the slightest bit scarred by our actions.

Looks like Rubyuber joined MN (or has posted for the first time) just to repeatedly tell OP she’s a terrible parent?

Wow. Did everyone starch their mooncups or what?

Young woman fancies a shag shocker.

OP you’ll be free to take romantic holidays again by 2033, and you’ll still be young at that point. Meanwhile, half-shags and missionary position in the dark

You either get your forties or your twenties as a bonkfest, if you plan it right, and at least this way you have something to look forward to. Maybe the crabby responses are from MNers who will be retired before they’re child free again?

Judgy*

You know, because I prioritise them when they’re awake and not myself

So if I decide that I want to be an exemplary parent like you what activities must I not partake in when my kids are around so that I can put them first? Is going to the toilet ok? Chatting to a friend I invited round for a coffee? Having a shower or a bath?

God this thread is just bizarre - I'm slinking off because I actually found time to have sex while my child wasn't there and 'shock, horror' being a single parent.

I'm obviously a whore happy whore admittedly

Schuyler that actually makes me feel quite honoured. Thank you Rubyuber I'm so glad you felt my post was important enough for you to post

Jesus I tell you what is grim this bloody thread! I like the idea of a national quickie day maybe between 11 and 4 so definitely during the day? But I'll have to wait till next week to join in. I'm on my period and they're horrific so not a sex zone. I can be a grumpy git at this time of the month. But Jesus I've got nothing on some of the pp's here. So judgy.

The 7:30pm bed time for a 10 year old is ridiculous 😂.

My son is almost 3 and goes to bed at 8. When he's 10, I imagine he will go to bed around 10/11.

I've actually changed my mind, I think the OP is funny and was trying to lighten things up but there's too many twats on here that think 10 year olds should be in bed by 10:30 and other very silly things!

I feel sorry for your kids if you think that prioritising young children in the daytime over having a shag means having to wise up!

How long are your quickies that you still can’t prioritise your children during the day? Do you never use the loo during the day?

Good luck tomorrow @HerRoyalFattyness 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

Ahhhh OP, sorry about your twins

Get a puppy, your OH is home all day to train it and the DC will love it!

I'm pretty sure @Rubyuber doesn't have a husband or kids & probably hasn't ever been in a sexual relationship, sad sack 🤣

Meant 7:30 not 10:30!

@butterymuffin the grimmest part of the thread was imo the few women saying they regularly had sex while their babies were awake in a cot next to the bed. Vile.