To wonder how the fuck people have sex?

[HerRoyalFattyness]

Earlier on this evening all 3 kids (10, 5 and 4) were engrossed in screens with headphones on. DP upstairs putting washing away.

So I go upstairs and initiate a quickie while the kids are distracted. Just as we get naked we hear "ummm... Mum, there's a problem"
"What?"
"DD has done a poo and it's everywhere... Even on the toilet seat. I think it's diarrhoea"
"Ok we'll sort it"

Mood completely killed, 5 year old was hosed down with the shower while DP cleaned up her mess in the downstairs loo.

It's now 20 to 11, kids all asleep. As is DP! So that's my plans ruined!

We've been together nearly 12 years now, how on earth are we meant to make intimacy a priority in our relationship with kids and exhaustion just trying to ruin it all?

Nutjobby
Yep. I guess I'll just have to receive a lashing and try to do better next time (actually, that could be quite kinky...)

Jesus wept. This thread is batshit! I would claim it was the ultimate proof that this place has jumped the shark in terms of “ judgy-fucks-who-can’t-wait-to-stick-the-boot-in vs normal-folks-with-compassion-and-a-sense-of-humour” ratio, but there hasn’t been quite enough bitching about the OP’s children having screen time yet...

OP. You’ve been saintly in the face of some monumental twattishness. Hope you get laid soon.

I prioritise them when they’re awake and not myself

Ruby needs to take some time & prioritise herself so she can work on herself. One needs to love themselves before they can love others.

Jesus...... people will love me.......

My youngest, 4mths, was conceived (after 5 years of ttc and failed fertility treatment) on our 'familymoon', whilst my 11 yr old dd was laying round the pool in florida reading harry potter and we went to 'sort some laundry'

Quick call SS.
I am grim
Failed parenting
Worse parent.

Honestly, no wonder PND is on the rise, people are so quick to judge, and label others that we are flamed for trying to be us or a couple for all of 5 minutes and not be 'mum' or 'dad' 247....
It is ok to want to be 'you' sometimes, and if that means a 5 minute quicky once a week and dropping this image that social media ect want us to believe is the only way to be a perfect parent, then this is ok

Children can catch you shagging even when you think they are asleep you know

imagine you and OP didn’t get that memo!

Oh bless ya, I get it you live and breathe for your little ones and making memories.

Are you sure your 5 year old didn’t plot to pebble dash your downstairs loo in order to ruin your sex life?
I expect if you search through her book bag (which obviously, as a working mother you never so much as glance at) there will be many crayon drawings (brown and green colours only) laying out her plans for sabotage.

Soooooo, we’ve established you’re a neglectful parent, spend too much time at work, are grim for wanting sex during the day, ignore your kids when they are home by plonking them in front of one movie and essentially, you shouldn’t have had children in the first place. All in all, you’re obviously a terrible human being. I weep for your poor, neglected little babies.
P.S. if you have a garden, get a shed! the MNer with sticks up their backsides would probably faint and call social services but fuck em...someone has to...!

Rubyuber nope I didn't actually receive a memo to say me and DP can't have sex ever again because we had kids. Nor did I receive one to say I can't be myself if my children are there, I must only be mum-bot.
Maybe I'm just not worthy enough eh?

You poor love, bit harsh the responses you have had, I've been on here since my eldest was born and that was in 2001, things seem to have really changed but I'm sticking to my old ways, yup I'm nearly 40 but we still have to try and dtd when the teenagers are still awake, you can't always just wait for that perfect moment, any couple with kids knows that and if you think it is "grim" (word I've seen used, not mine) then please enlighten us on what you do? Not everyone has the pleasure of kids being down at a certain time...

Rubyuber

There are a great deal of studies on why helicopter parenting to children.

@Rubyuber so when you're not with them got and get some
The only time dd walk in on us was at 1am asking if mummy was hurt

Oh hun! I’m younger than the OP, I’ve got a very healthy sex life with my fiancé. But fortunately for my kids, I do all that when they’re asleep! You know, because I prioritise them when they’re awake and not myself

Ah bless. Maybe you'll wise up in a few years when you've matured.

BanKittenHeels what's a book bag?

Schuyler yep. Someone needs to phone SS on me immediately.

I’m sure there are many studies on my inability to type after a couple of glasses of wine. Shock horror with children in the house and a few daytime shags under my wings today.

what's a book bag?

Exactly. Us working mothers don’t even know we have to send our children to school, that’s how obsessed we are with a quick leg over.

Rubyuber you do realise that if someone is exhausted and stays up later than their body is telling them to they will have even less energy for sex yes? I want a good seeing to, not a half arsed pump and dump.

Hmmm, they don't usually with 3 kids awake roaming the house. I too think it's a bit weird. Maybe if your husband values your sex life, he could stretch to staying awake until 10:10pm when the eldest does to bed instead of going to bed at 9. That's probably the issue to solve, not your kids not being kids 🙂

Do it when your kids are asleep and ask your DH to not go to sleep so bloody early so you can get some! Don’t blame your kids, blame your husband

I still want to know how people ensure their kids stay asleep when they are dtd?

School? Oh fucking hell? Are they old enough for that already? I thought my 10 year old would have told me by now. He always has his head stuck in one of those things with the words on the paper...

10 yr old should be in bed at 7.30.
Your DPs bedtime is the problem.
Ad Finitum.

Are you lot just sitting there waiting to pounce?! It's hilarious 😆

For the record, I know OP didn't reply with, "Yes, hubby is an on call surgeon or a postman or whatever, he DOES go to bed that early for a reason..."; she might have! You are all out with pitchforks before the full scenario has even been clarified! Why are you so angry/irritable/keen to flame the living wotsit out of her?! Sorry, you're dicks. Go kick a puppy or something, mental.

OP, it's a nightmare, I get it.
Light hearted "fuck me, do I literally have to do X to get a bit of Y these days..?!" type comment. Wrong site I'm afraid. You'd get more empathy on Tinder 😏 Hey ho.

OO I suggest you have a couple more kids.
You know, occupy the older ones by giving them a couple of babies to look after.
Win/Win.

If you want a good seeing to, the quickie wasn't going to work that well anyway, was it?