AIBU - day out and partners migraine

[StonedRoses]

No idea if I’ve behaved really badly or not - so want some suggestions. After a busy week we planned a family trip to a NT place just under an hr away
As we were setting off at 10:30ish my DW started with a migraine. She’s had them for yrs but now well controlled and only every few months.
So we turned round and she waited to see how it went. By 11:30 she decided she was going to bed and that we should still go. DS (9) very excited. We got there, had a play, lunch in the cafe and a walk round the grounds. Left about 3 but traffic bad so didn’t get back till after 4.
DW is furious that we stayed out ‘all day’ and abandoned her. My view is she was going for a lie down anyway and better off with kid out the house.
The only thing she’s said to me when I asked how she was doing was ‘well I haven’t died so I must be fine’
AIBU to take DS out for the day when she has a migraine and can’t join us anyway? I know how shit they can be but us staying at home wouldn’t make it better

No I'd be very grateful if someone took my kids out for the day if I had a bad migraine!

In the past I've had a toddler climbing on my back while I've been being sick with an aura migraine and then laid on sofa with the curtains shut and peppa pig on, every toy pulled out and random easy snacks until my older kids got home from school to distract her for a little!

Yanbu. I get awful migraines and only want to be alone to sleep in a dark room.
If i had young dc i would be happy someone was taking them out and entertaining them. No point in everyone staying at home particularly as there was nothing you could do to help her.

Of course YANBU. You left her in a nice quiet house to allow her to rest and get over a migraine. Many migraine sufferers woyld be grateful for that. She sounds like hard work.

I suffer with similar migraines and she's BVU. I'd be very happy if my H took the little ones out for the day on his own and left me.

You did the right thing. I’m an irrational mare when I’m ill mare when I’m ill though. Sorry world.

I get migraines like your DW but I think she’s being really unfair on you .
She can’t have it both ways!
I’d rather I was left to wallow on my own rather than spoiling the day for everyone

I think from her point of view there was no one to get her water or paracetamol which I do get. But trying to balance what a kid wants to do as well

Hmmmmm. Is she usually quite possessive of your time and attention?

yanbu she sounds like a nightmare. the place was an hour away so did she expect everyone to pop in and out. Also how selfish of her for everyone to wait till her migraine passes. Is she always such hard work?

Jesus you can't win with her.

YANBU. What the hell did she expect if the place was nearly an hour away - that you would arrive, spend half and hour and come straight home? She should have used the time to rest and enjoy the quiet house. She's being unreasonable.

I would gladly pay someone to take my DS when I have a migraine.

YANBU. I suppose you could have left her with painkillers and a water bottle. I definitely don’t think you needed to rush back. I’d have expected her to spend the day in bed.

YANBU. She could just keep bottles of water and paracetamol on the bedside cabinet, surely?

She needs to go back to drama school.
Pathetic.

Wow no, I get migraines and I am super grateful if someone even has my dog for the day, I just want to lie down in peace & quiet. Really can’t understand why she is annoyed!

Yanbu

you were set up to make a complete fail on all counts today

you went out, that was wrong, and if you had stayed at home that would also have been wrong.

Is she often like this?

I also suffer from migraines and would be highly delighted to be left along to sleep it off or just be alone with my bed and the sick bowl.

As a fellow migraine sufferer I too would be grateful for the empty house.

They are awful though of course so I'm not totally surprised that she feels sorry for herself and grumpy.

She was being unreasonable and probably today doesn't even care that she was.

You are DEFINITELY NOT being unreasonable! Your wife sounds like hard work OP...I get horrendous migraines and I would have been begging you to leave me in peace for the day! It sounds like you're between a rock and a hard place here unfortunately 🤷‍♀️

YANBU. And paracetamols don’t touch proper migraines.
When I’ve got a migraine they can last all day and night, sometimes longer, and I just want to be in a dark room.

Seems silly and selfish that she would expect you to cut your DCs day short just so you could bring her pills and water.

Wow, thankfully i don't get migraines much anymore but when i did i really didn't even want anyone around..... the slightest noise was so painful so a silent house was bliss.
As for water and tablets, not much required to take them to bed..... sleep was the only thing that worked for me anyway.
Partner being very unreasonable (but migraines always made me so grumpy so maybe bit of slack there)

She doesn’t like being left alone. So I don’t usually go out without her except for work or if she’s made plans. It has caused issues with our marriage but I’m working on that. I think understandably she’s pissed off that we’ve had fun whilst she’s been laid up in bed. And selfishly I did enjoy some one on one time with my son

YANBU.
When I have a migraine, I just need to be silent and still in a dark room. Empty house is perfect.

She was a little BU, but give her a break, that might be the migraine speaking.

Get her some dinner, sort DSs bedtime and I bet by tomorrow it'll all be ok.