To refuse to let DD(16) go to this?

[flyingonions]

DD who turned 16 in June, and her friend who’s a year younger, have booked tickets to a concert in London on a Friday night next March. Bearing in mind we live just outside of south London, and the gig probably won’t finish until 10:30pm, AIBU to refuse to let her go? It’s an hour on the train there and back. I’m just so worried they get into trouble or hurt :/
I’ve never posted on here before but a friend introduced me to it a few weeks and I thought this may be a good topic for my first post, seeing as DD now sees me as an evil cow...

Silly of me not to add, it’s about an hour on the train and the tube from our house, lol

Why would they get hurt?

Queenoftheashes
I just worry because of all the news of the stabbings in London, but I think I’m just being paranoid

She's 16, she could be living independently at that age

I think they'd be fine as long as they stick together. You have to let them grow up at some point.

Do you have a fear of London generally?

She'll be nearly 17 by then so I do think YABU. She's with a friend and there's always loads of people around on public transport after a big concert or event. If you're worried, could you not just meet her when concert ends and go back with her so she doesn't have to miss out entirely? My mum did this once or twice when I was younger but didn't want her cramping my style

Loopytiles, no! I’ve lived in and around London for years, I’m just worried about my 16 year old and her friend being there Late at night without an adult present

Could you compromise and pay for an uber from concert to train, and then from train home? She could clean the car or something to pay for this so then you've both comprised.

Yes there are stabbing a but statistically she won't come to any harm. Will your worry change when she's 18?

If she's sensible then of course she should go.

If you're that worried you could take her yourself.
But what do you think will happen to her in a busy area/ on the train?

I do understand your concerns but in this case I'd be inclined to let her go.

I grew up in London and at that age did things like that all the time. I think that's a very normal and healthy thing for her to do. She has to learn to be independent at some point OP..

It's not good for kids to reach 18 and suddenly be out and about on their own !

Kids who get stabbed are involved in gangs. Your daughter is not at risk making her way home at a normal time

In terms of tubes and trains that's not even Late
The tube is busy at that time

She could go but I'd be travelling with them also and waiting somewhere local to the venue to meet her afterwards and make sure she got home safely.

Well, I could, but she wants to go back to her friend’s (a close family friend of ours for years) because our house isn’t quite on a public transport link, so I’d have to pick her up from our station after. In a way she’s being sweet as she doesn’t want to bother me to get her at 11:30/midnight so she said she’ll go back to friends as her house is a 5 minute walk/Uber from the station...
I do think I’m just being silly, but it’s so worrying these days!

Itll be light until quite late in May.

At 16 I was out regularly in London. My parents always wanted to know where I was but would never have stopped me unless it was something completely inappropriate which I don’t think this is. As long as she is generally sensible and doesn’t have a history of getting into trouble I think Yabu. It will be busy after a gig and she’ll be with her friend, I’m sure they’ll be fine. In another year you won’t have any say anyway.

She will be absolutely fine. She’s practically an adult.

People don’t just get randomly stabbed in London you know.

You wont let an almost 17 year old go?

Honestly?

You wont let an almost 17 year old travel 1 hour on a train?

Honestly?

You wont let an almost 17 year old stay out until 10.30pm

Honestly?

Yabu to REFUSE, but do discuss with her a safe way to get home. I like the meet them after and accompany back home plan. Dancemom Really?? Maybe I’m naive but can a 16 year old really live independently? I very much doubt they’d get a well enough paid job to get a place to rent would they??

Definitely let them go. If you are super safety conscious (as I am) you can do what I do (earning the biggest mum-martyr points ever) and find a quiet pub or late night coffee shop near the venue, take a good book or your laptop and hang around until the concert is out, so you can take them home. I have done that many many times for DS2 who has ASD and was not confident alone on public transport in London late at night at that age. It's boring and exhausting and you might need someone else to cover care for younger children, but to enable them to have a brilliant night at a gig of a band they love, it's worth it.

Yes you guys are all right, and she obviously won’t be drinking as the venue won’t serve them alcohol so I guess that’s one less worry, it’s just she’s quite a naïve kid, she loves listening to music and is quite shy, I jusy don’t want her to be taken advantage of or mugged or anything, I know I’m being daft but ah!

My DD has been going to gigs in London since she was 16 with friends. We pick her up from the station our end.
Not sure why she would get in trouble or hurt, what’s the venue? London is busy in the evenings.

I understand you're scared but I personally would let a 16 (sounds like almost 17) year old to go to a concert with a friend. Coming back by 11:30pm isn't too late.

Do you think you'd be less worried if your DD was a little older? Sounds like you may be just a worried even if she was 19 or 20.

Maybe ask her to message you when she gets there and when she's on her way back to help put your mind at rest?

Your daughter will be an adult in just over 18 months. You can't protect her like this for much longer and you'll do better by her if you let her gradually have her independence in the time you have left. Let her go but ask her to stay in touch with you whilst out, make sure she has a plan for the journey etc. Don't forbid her to go- she'll either go anyway, or she won't and you'll ultimately end up with a naive 18 year old. Either way she'll be less safe in the long run.