To refuse to let DD(16) go to this?

[flyingonions]

DD who turned 16 in June, and her friend who’s a year younger, have booked tickets to a concert in London on a Friday night next March. Bearing in mind we live just outside of south London, and the gig probably won’t finish until 10:30pm, AIBU to refuse to let her go? It’s an hour on the train there and back. I’m just so worried they get into trouble or hurt :/
I’ve never posted on here before but a friend introduced me to it a few weeks and I thought this may be a good topic for my first post, seeing as DD now sees me as an evil cow...

I get your concerns with all the things going on in London I live in London myself. We can't let what's going on stop is doing things.

She will be fine. Just give her basic safety advice - I.e don’t wave a high value phone around in public. If it makes you feel better safety pin a £20 note on an inside pocket, inside a jacket sleeve, just in case she’s too excited and leaves her purse somewhere.

'You do realise, I hope, you have no legal right to stop your daughter going to the concert'.

Call the police.

Sorry, but YABU (and I think you've probably worked that out by now lol). I used to go into London from Stevenage all the time when I was that age... and we didn't have mobile phones back then to keep in touch with. And there was just as much "London is dangerous" sentiment back then, although everyone thinks it's something new.
I remember going to a Shania Twain concert in Hyde Park by myself and they closed the nearest tube. Even wandering around lost at that time of night I never felt in danger.

I would be more concerned about the five minute walk to her friends house than the gig in London. All ‘going out’ areas (I’m assuming the venue will be in a fairly busy part of town of course) will be full of people (most not inebriated). I doubt they’ll come to any harm. Just make sure they don’t go into any parks/side streets.

Don't let your own worries get in the way of her enjoyment. I'm genuinely surprised that she's never done this before! Its lovely that you just want to keep her safe, but she needs to gain a bit of independence.
I live in Scotland and was travelling to London and back regularly for gigs when I was 16, on my own.

I started going to gigs in town (central London) at 13 or 14. By 15 I'd done festivals and at your daughter's age I'd mostly moved out of home and was regularly at all-night clubs. I find it difficult to believe that you've lived in London a long time and have no idea what Alexandra Palace is.

I have an 18 yr old dd and she went to concerts with friends from around 14/15. The first few times dh or friend's parent met them outside the venue and drove or got the tube back with them, but it's really important for them to learn to be confident getting around without parents. Like others have said, the walk from Alexandra Palace to the station is fine - it's a nice area with lots of people around after a concert. If you're really worried or if your dd isn't confident about the return journey, you could meet them at Kings Cross and travel back with them from there?

I would use this as practice. Because the following year, she'll be 18 and if she books a week abroad you'll not be in a position to "not let" her.

My DM was living independently at 16. Admittedly this was the 80s.

She will be fine OP.

In the nicest possible way YABU.

At 16 my friend and I went to Paris and spent a week alone there on holiday. It’s one of the best memories I have.

Don’t tell her you’ll worry. Tell her you’ve every confidence that she’ll be smart and make good decisions. Run through a few possible scenarios with her maybe like ‘what would you do if you lost your phone?’ or ‘what would you do if you got separated from your friend?’

My Dad always told me that if I got in any trouble I was to ring him and he’d come fetch me. No matter the time, distance or circumstance and that I wouldn’t be in any trouble at home. A safety net like that is invaluable to a teen with a bit of first time independence.

"but I will tell her I’ll be worried about her etc"

Why? Much better to give her the confidence to be sensible and grown up rather than pass on your own anxiety.

My teen Dc (we live in S London) have been out and about to gigs since they were 15/16, O2, Brixton Academy, Camden, venues in Peckham. It is totally normal.

The streets at the end of a big gig are busy with concert goers, ditto the public transport.

Give her tips as to how to be street wise and boost her confidence.

(money and phone in a cross body bag, no walking and phoning / texting, look ahead and walk away from trouble. Know where you are going and what you need to do. Oyster card in easily accessible pocket, but not one it can fall out of. Don't use the top deck of a bus, )

so I think I’ll end up letting her go

really not your choice

My friends and I drove to a gig in London at 17.

Having an adult with her wouldn't save her fromThe Tabbings !

And tell her now that you have thought it through and realised you are being unreasonable.

No point in her seeing you as an evil cow, feeling embarrassed and infantalised in front of her friend, and doubtless beginning to plot how to hide things from you in future.

(stabbings)

You’re in no position to stop her - I’m 19 and moved out at 16. Not suggesting she’ll move out but comparatively it’s ridiculous when it sounds like she’s not that far, she’s with people she knows and will be home by midnight?

I will tell her I’ll be worried about her

Please don’t do this. Let her enjoy herself without burdening her with your anxiety.

Ally pally is fine
There will be loads of young people everywhere walking to and from station etc
London is safe. Knife crime has increased but still there are literally millions of people here is rare statistically.

Times have really changed I was out to 3,4,5 am going around on night buses getting pissed taking drugs at 16 and so was everyone else my age. Even the less adventurous ones would go to a club at the weekend, have a couple of drinks! Good was late 80s early 90s London.

Looking back and having kids of my own it seems mad! But, that was how it s and we were more or less ok.

You have to let go sometime. Let her go :)

Your job as a parent is to parent her to an independent responsible woman when she hits 18. How are you going to do that? Or are you going to keep her home and then all of a sudden when she is 18 she should suddenly be able to travel safely alone?

She will be fine, I grew up in SE London and used to travel into central for concerts at that age. Once you get close to the venue there are so many others doing the same route.

When I was 17 I had a friend whose dad was super strict, a group of us went to a concert at Wembley and she was only allowed to go if he picked us up at the end of the night. We all said we’d be fine getting the train, but he insisted it was a deal breaker and he would drive. The ironic thing was the traffic was so bad he got stuck in it, so after the concert we all sat outside the venue on the floor by ourselves for ages waiting for him to show up - surely it’s far more risky for a group of teenage girls to be sitting outside Wembley for half an hour after everyone else has gone home than getting the train with everyone else!!

My daughter was living alone in London at 17, while I lived on the other side of the world

...parent of the year right there🙄

Don’t tell her you’ll be worried etc, it’s fucking exhausting having a parent, you have to parent.

Just tell her she can can call you if they need anything.

Stabbing are mostly boys selling drugs in a gang or getting into fights
Two well behave girls are statistically v safe