To refuse to let DD(16) go to this?

[flyingonions]

DD who turned 16 in June, and her friend who’s a year younger, have booked tickets to a concert in London on a Friday night next March. Bearing in mind we live just outside of south London, and the gig probably won’t finish until 10:30pm, AIBU to refuse to let her go? It’s an hour on the train there and back. I’m just so worried they get into trouble or hurt :/
I’ve never posted on here before but a friend introduced me to it a few weeks and I thought this may be a good topic for my first post, seeing as DD now sees me as an evil cow...

The venue is Alexandra palace, I’ve never been so I’m not sure on the area? I do think I’ll end up letting her go... any reassurances about it MN?

op is only expressing her concerns, there is no need to be sarky or rude, some posters are helpful op and i go with them. let her go with her friend. she can call you if she needed anything.

She will be almost 17 and with a friend. Why would you stoo her going. There will be plenty of people around at that time. And if she is staying at her friends then she wont have to do part of the journey on her own. As long as you trust her to be staying at her friends rather than her telling you that and friend saying the opposite to her parents and them staying out all night all should be fine.

Well why not compromise and offer to pick them up at the end?
It does seem a bit unreasonable not to let them go as you have some vague fears they might be stabbed (which could surely happen if they were with an adult?)

Alexandra Palace is a very genteel area near Crouch End.

Your daughter will be nearly 17 by the time of the concert so I'm afraid I do think YABU, she should be perfectly capable by that age of travelling independently by public transport and attending a concert. I do understand how hard it is to let them go (I have a 17 yr old DD myself) but it is SO important to give them the freedom to spread their wings and start to make their own way in life. I have made a conscious effort to start saying "yes" to things my DD wants to do instead of just a knee jerk "no" reaction (which I know comes purely from my own anxiety issues). We then have a chat about who she will be with, how she is planning to get home, that she can ring me anytime if any problems etc etc. Our relationship has honestly improved so much since I've taken this approach and she is so much more open with me now in general (not just in relation to going out).

@flyingonions I went to a concert in Alexandra Palace Last year. The venue is at the top of a hill in the wide open. There's so many people around before/after. There's basically crowds of people walking down the street together to the station after the concert. She won't be wondering about London in a dark street on her own if that makes you feel any more reassured x

She isn't going to get any smarter/less naive without practice. And you won't get any less worried if you never let her out your sight! I say let her go but chat about her route, ensure some sort of "text once you're in so I know I can go to sleep" system. Better to practice now! I went to my first gig just before my 17th in London. I went with my brother (then 20) and my dad picked us up from the station at the home end afterwards. It was amazing, and I felt like I could have a small moment of freedom, as well as just see what it was like being out by myself within some boundaries. It also meant just over a year later when I wanted to go see the same band, my parents knew I knew the route and had that first experience to not be so worried themselves.

I say keep the channels open and honest, explain your concerned but that you realise she is growing up and wants to do things her way sometimes. She'll love it!

Thank you all. She’s bought the tickets anyway so I think I’ll end up letting her go but I will tell her I’ll be worried about her etc ahah

Why would you tell her you'll be worried about her!!? Way to make her worried herself ...

To reassure you, you couldn't be in a much safer part of London than Ally Pally.

We're in North London and my nearly 15 yo dd is going to a concert in Brixton Academy next month with 2 friends (one 16, one 15). They'll be doing the whole thing by public transport. I'll pick her up from the tube station at the very end of the night, but other than that they're on their own.

When will it be ok for her to do this sort of trip? When she's 17? 18?

Maybe I'm naive but can a 16 year old really live independently?

Yes. My dd did - she moved to London aged 16 and spent two years living in a flat with another student the same age. They were both dancers and in full-time professional dance training.

I'm not saying it was easy for them, but they did it.

OP the year after that she'll be an adult, able to live alone and go clubbing. The best thing you can do to help her transition to adulthood is give her some independence

As I read the OP andbthe finishing time I thought you were going to say they were planning to go on clubbing or stay at out, and I thought, fair enough, they can get home easily.
Don’t let her go grudgingly but use the opportunity to talk though contingencies- Uber, find friends on phone, assurances that you’ll collect if it goes wrong etc.
It’s hard parenting teens! I did it London too, and tbh it was when they were visiting friends outside it was more worrying. Cancelled trains, drink driving etc.

Don't tell her you'll be worried about her. Don't make her nervous about a journey she's obviously got well planned and feel confident in.

It's natural to be nervous about your teens branching out, we all are, but your nerves are for you to deal with, not her.

I’m surprised at 16 she even asked for permission to go.

You're being very unreasonable. She is at an age where going to concerts are very important and she'll be nearly seventeen when this particular concert takes place. I don't know what you are worried about. I also live in S London, actually on the edge of SE London, and my son went to loads of gigs as a teenager. They find their way home, stop worrying.

She'll probably be home around midnight.

I used to go at 14 and 15.

I meant 'going to concerts is very important, not 'are', sorry.

Yep, YABU.

She will be nearly 17 years old. She needs to start gaining some independence.

She will be nearly 17 at this point. Has she really never done this before? My daughter was living alone in London at 17, while I lived on the other side of the world.

57hiddenworlds. That was quite dramatic.

I think now is a good time for her to start some independence OP.

'I’m surprised at 16 she even asked for permission to go'.

It just sounds like she was bought up with good manners then.

I’m surprised at 16 she even asked for permission to go.

That was exactly my reaction!

I was doing this kind of thing at that age, and further afield. So were my DC at that age.

Its London on a busy Saturday night, not nomansland in a conflict zone.

Please don’t tell her you’re worried. Instead, let her know that you have confidence in her and her growing independence.

If it helps, then why not use the time between now and the concert to giver her more independence and skills to problem-solace on her own, without you.

You do realise, I hope, you have no legal right to stop your daughter going to the concert. I say that because you keep talking about 'allowing' her to go. She is quite old enough and is going with a friend.

Alexandra Palace is near Edgware which is a bit further out that most London gigs; they could stay the night at a youth hostel, worth looking into so they don't have to worry about missing trains, etc. It would also be quite exciting and grown up for her and her friend. However I think she can probably get home on last train or whatever and there are always night buses.