To wonder why anyone would want relatives round straight after birth?

[MakingABoobOfIt]

Extremely close family ((ie my mum and dad) is an exception to this rule, but I can’t bear this idea that family are somehow entitled to see a new baby, regardless of how the new parents feel. New parents have zero obligation to anyone, other than themselves and their new baby. They don’t need in-laws traipsing round while they’re trying to sleep/recover from the birth/feed the baby/have some family time. End of PSA

Your OP asked why people would want visitors, not why people felt obliged to have visitors. Not the same thing.

@seaweedandmarchingbands I doubt a loving grandparent would be left weeks without seeing a new grandchild. However, if they are left weeks, I would suggest that maybe they are not as ‘loving’, and their relationship as strong, as they perceive.

I couldn’t wait to have everyone round! Doesn’t make a blind bit of difference to my recovery or ‘family time.’ I find the whole ‘we shut ourselves off for a week from everyone’ weirder, but different strokes for different folks. Just don’t tar everyone with the same brush!

Do you genuinely believe there's a valid mental or physical reason for a newborn to need to meet his relatives within a few hours or even days of his birth? Really?

Not at all. It’s not about the newborn’s needs. I just don’t think a person noticing they’re being treated as if they literally matter not at all is making anything “all about them”. I think it’s perfectly natural to think, “Hang on - there’s no consideration or respect at all here”, and you can still do that while being respectful of your child’s right to not invite you over. But in the end, you’re going to feel badly that they don’t want you to come.

People don’t stop mattering just because a baby has been born.

However, if they are left weeks, I would suggest that maybe they are not as ‘loving’, and their relationship as strong, as they perceive.

Maybe. Maybe they are just unlucky enough to have selfish, self-absorbed children.

Seaweed, don't worry what has anyone seen my keys thinks,she's talking rubbish. I showed her post to my son's partner, she thinks she is a idiot.

Jeschara

😂 I think she might be right.

@seaweedandmarchingbands I would suggest you are the one with the lack of consideration and respect if you’re expecting to be able to turn up to see a new grandchild at your own convenience, with no thought to how the new parents might be feeling or whether they’re ready to see you.

@sleepylittlebunnies I am out raged for you that that was how you had to spend your first few weeks as a mom. I’m extremely saddened for you that as a result of other peoples selfish behavior you ended up with PND.

It’s so hard with your inlaws as everything you do isn’t “how they do things”.my husband was asked constantly if he was happy as I was so controlling. I had the audacity to ask people (on all sides of family) to text/call to see if it was a good time to visit, and asked all visitors to wash their hands.

Somehow inlaws got it in their heads that we only had rules for them. Apparently It was rude of me to expect them to check in before they visited. Somehow it wasn’t rude for them to drop in unexpectedly and expect to be hosted whenever they felt like it. After a while it became a good thing that they were angry with me because they stopped coming in. Otherwise I could easily have ended up with PND.

@seaweedandmarchingbands are you in fact my MIL?!

MakingABoobOfIt

And if I had said anything like that, you might be right. Didn’t, though.

Jeschara
what an horror of a person you are! I pity you.

You seem to have so many issues if you are so viciously unhappy about other people who have different opinion. Poor you.

People don’t stop mattering just because a baby has been born.

so why do you insist that the mother stop mattering if her wishes should be ignored?

so why do you insist that the mother stop mattering if her wishes should be ignored?

I don’t think her wishes should be ignored. I didn’t say that. I think she should give some thought to whether her wishes are reasonable and proportionate before she upsets lots of people she might need later.

It certainly shouldn’t be all about what the father or anybody else wants in the first week. It should be led by the mother who has laboured and is recovering.

Ideally visitors will be invited or give some notice. They should be willing to help, bring a nice meal the parents can microwave, make a cuppa, sit and chat, look at baby and take the lead from the mother. Most people wouldn’t pick up a sleeping baby without the mother telling them to and can tell when she wants the baby back. Helpful visitors; family, in-laws and friends who don’t outstay their welcome are fine by me. The baby nor the new mother get any benefit from selfish visitors. The new father should be putting his partner and baby’s needs first.

Anyone who was happy and excited enough to want to come and see me and my babies were welcome! Everyone's different but I'm quite open and relaxed compared to the average Brit about these kinds of things I think (after a decade of living in Spain)

Anyonesenmykeys You keep digging that hole for yourself and we will keep laughing. I have a lovely relationship with my family thank you. My sons partner who I get on very well with and share common interests thinks you are self opinionated and ignorant, oh and don't speak for her please. Mother in law from hell, I think not.
Please keep posting you are amusing us.

Jeschara
yes dear, of course you do.

Well let’s hope you had a DS and then you can feel how unfair it is when you are the MIL one day

@Bringonspring I have a DS, and I can guarantee that should the day come that he becomes a father, I won’t be expecting him to prioritise my feelings over those of his partner. Saying it’s ‘unfair’ that you don’t get immediate access to your son’s child, regardless of how the mother is feeling, makes you sound selfish and childish.

@Jeschara please stop being vile and turning this thread into a slanging match. No need to comment unless you have something constructive to add to the discussion (which you don’t).

Anyoneseenmykeys Here we go again. No issues, no problems, and definatly not poor me. Happy family, happy children and Grandchildren and good friends You are so good with your assumptions aren't you. Keep going you amuse me.

when people get so angry and throw insults because they disagree, it never comes across as them being happy and content does it?

best to ignore the bitter ones.

What I do find sad is how many people still put women at the bottom of the priority list. How can that ever be right.

My mum yes of course. In laws can wait a few days until you've started healing and don't constantly have your boobs out!!

I thank everyday that my DIL doesn't treat her parents any differently to us, they don't have special treatment.

YABVVVVVU OP