Sell our house..?

[Cornberry]

We are in a pickle and I desperately need some good advice.

Last December hubby and I bought our first house with help from parents and scraping everything we could. It was not in the area we wanted but we thought we’d adjust and eventually move our lives that direction (we live in London).
In January my daughter was unexpectedly accepted to a school close to where we used to live. We thought we would just deal with it but the commute has turned out to be a nightmare. Hour there and back each way. Impossible. No chance of me ever working. It’s about 7 miles away. In rush hour London it’s unbearable and there’s no transport near us.
Meanwhile I have been off work sick for a few months (I have MS) and I am now unexpectedly 10 weeks pregnant and suffering from extreme pregnancy sickness as I did with my first.
To cope we have had to move to my mum’s who lives closer to the school where my daughter started in September. There is no question that we want her to go there so that is not the issue.
My mum is unbearable and despite the fact that I’m staggering about vomiting she keeps making comments about how she needs her space etc. Basically we’re not welcome here and on top of my health problems the stress is a lot to take. Luckily a mum from school who lives round the corner is driving my daughter to school with her kids while I wait out the debilitating pregnancy sickness (which last time went until 30 weeks).
Meanwhile we are living out of bags and my amazing husband is working hard to stop my mum getting pissed off with us being here while looking after me and my daughter, but we need a solution. When baby no2 comes staying in our new house is out of the question. It’s a long commute for hubby too and I’m bound to relapse after giving birth (as I did last time) so we need to reorganise everything. Here is the problem. We can’t afford even a tiny flat nearer school and I can no longer get a mortgage due to reduced pay because of illness and now pregnancy. We thought the best option was to sell up and use our capital to pay rent for a few years while we hopefully find a way to improve our financial situation. My husband is a teacher and his salary doesn’t even cover rent for a two bed flat in the areas we need to be in to make school accessible. But people keep telling us it’s a mistake to sell and if we do we will never be able to buy again which is probably true. The area our house is in won’t bring much rent and after fees and tax it wouldn’t even cover the mortgage. Plus as we only just moved in it’s not currently fit to let and we have no time or money to do anything to it. Does anyone have any advice? We have no idea what to do and despite being sick I think it’s important to address this before the next baby arrives.

@PullingMySocksUp
My prediction is it’ll be something ludicrous like the mother lives in a south ken mansion flat and OP is “slumming it” in Richmond

If the school is somewhere expensive and the house is 7 miles away, I'd assume it's 7 miles moving away from Zone 1. Therefore it could very easily be somewhere that's a 20 minute walk away from a tube station, 8 minutes away from a bus stop, and neither the tube line nor bus go in the right direction so you'd have to change 2 or 3 times.

I mean, I don't think it's the main point, and I've already given my twopence worth that I think moving schools is the only realistic option, but I'm just saying that despite all the entitled attitude from the OP, the idea that she might not be able to get decent public transport links 7 miles out from central London is quite reasonable.

The comments have been pretty unpleasant (expected) and I didn’t want to come back and get into a row but I thought I would clear a few things up in exchange for the energy people have expended on their vitriol.

I came here for advice about whether to sell and rent or not, not for glib comments on my deeply complex relationship with my mother or the value of an excellent school. I don’t want to live with her, to clarify, we are here for a few weeks while I am going through the worst of it.

The school is the variable we won’t change. When I had a discussion with my mum about her going somewhere else she said over her dead body would we move her elsewhere. It is a fee paying school so catchment not an issue and it is a school until 18 so it’s a huge decision. It’s not just about speaking the language, it’s about the qualification and the academic structure, not to mention the cultural element which my child will always lack not living in the country.

MS is multiple sclerosis not morning sickness, although I also have that in spades.

My mum sacrificed a great deal for our education and we mean to do the same. Perhaps for some this is not a big consideration but it is for us. People’s opinions about sending their kids to the closest school because it’s convenient don’t interest me.

And if anyone wants to know what we will do, I think that we will sell and buy a small flat somewhere nearer but not as near as we would like. Thanks for the constructive comments.

Totalwasteofpaper, if the mother/ school is in South Ken, then 7 miles would get you to the edge of Southall, for example.

Or just pay someone to take your child to school - taxi. Or someone to take on public transport with them.

The comments about us living in south ken and Richmond are incorrect but also very telling. How could anyone not loaded dare to want to send their kids to an excellent school?! So narrow minded. And we live about 5 miles from a tube station and half an hour walk from a train station. The commute by public transport would be an hour and a half.

My mum sacrificed a great deal for our education and we mean to do the same. Perhaps for some this is not a big consideration but it is for us. People’s opinions about sending their kids to the closest school because it’s convenient don’t interest me.

You need to think about your child's happiness, stability and well being also. Plenty of children do very well at their local schools, but it seems you have made your decision, so I wish you well with it.

Op why did you want a house in the first place ? Surely with the stamp duty and all the fees sorting your current place would be better. Plus selling after a short time when it needs work never looks good, but it depends how long you've lived there.

Can you ask your mother to help you out with a regular taxi contract ? You can even get female drivers.

The "catchment school" has major benefits for the child not only the parents. You sound like a chip of your mother's block! Were the sacrifices worth it, in your case? How can you know they are for your dd? I kind of hope, being a teacher, that your dh doesn't share your rather snotty attitude to local schools and the families who use them.

I don't understand your response op. Not one person has made a comment about people who can't afford it shouldn't wish to send their kids to excellent schools. Not one.

What's being said is you're ill. Pregnant, you are living at your mothers. You can't cope with the commute and you can't afford to buy anywhere closer. You have come up with the only plan of actually selling your home and using your equity and living in rented to be able to keep your kid at this school, because you can't even afford to rent.

Of course the obvious answer is you need to change the school, you can't torpedo your family for the sake of it.

The comments on area are people trying to understand why you can't even rent close to it

I think private school seems unreachable for most people in London on a single, teacher’s salary though. It’s worth considering whether you can actually manage. From primary too.

iggi999 actually he and I have both worked in schools for over a decade and that is a factor in the decision :).not snotty. But I know things about schools you probably don’t. And as I said, the language is the main factor. All education systems have their weak points.

Your mum sacrificed a lot for your education but you’re in a position now where you can’t afford to live by a school you’re paying to send your child and you had to borrow money to buy a house. With all respect, was her sacrifice worth it? It doesn’t sound like you’re a high earner.

@Cornberry others have mentioned renting out your house (thereby keeping the asset and the rent should cover all if not most of the mortgage)
You could then rent somewhere closer to your daughters school with an easier commute?
If that doesn’t appeal or work for you & your daughter’s school is non-negotiable then maybe you do need to sell up. It’s a poor financial decision but you need to do what works for your family.
I would however caution that you need to very carefully plan your future finances as this decision could affect you well into retirement age

Hi bluntness you haven’t read all the comments.

I also don’t understand your update. If it’s all so non negotiable why did you buy the house in the first place?

Is your Mother also paying the fees for your child's schooling?

So what is it you want from us here OP?
What answer would make you happy?

And also if the sale proceeds from
The house can pay for a tiny flat why wasn’t that one of the options? You said that wasn’t possible?

In fact, you said moving back to the house was impossible as so small

@BlockedandDeleted I bet all my money on it!!

grapefruitgin I have multiple sclerosis. That was quite a big factor in my not being a high earner as you put it. But I don’t think my mum invested in my education with the sole purpose that I could make a lot of money. Not everyone seems to grasp the broad value of a good education. Not much point in continuing to discuss this.

Have to stop engaging now.

It does sound tricky, but I think people are maybe getting frustrated because this situation seems of your own making, in that you seemingly accepted the language school wasn’t going to happen and moved away on that basis, now that’s changed.

I appreciate it’s the school you want but you presumably contemplated a future where your dc went to a local school, when you thought she wouldn’t get in.

Sticking with that school now will come at a financial and quality-of-life cost to your family. Is it really worth it?

On the financial side - if you can’t afford to buy in the area near the school I’m surprised that keeping the existing house and renting it out doesn’t make more sense - so you’re still on the ‘property ladder’ etc.

My mum sacrificed a great deal for our education and we mean to do the same. Perhaps for some this is not a big consideration but it is for us.

This is just unpleasant OP.
Currently it seems the person sacrificing most for their education is your dd. There are plenty of good schools in London, they aren't all private schools in very expensive areas. You are the person making judgments in this case.
It is common sense that on one lowish income you are going to struggle to house a family and pay for private education in central London. That doesn't mean your dd couldn't get a good education. I'm saying this as someone whose dc have had private and state schooling and I have been happy with both.
That said given your health I think a flat may be a sensible longer term plan.

You say the comments are pretty unpleasant, but the truth hurts sometimes. After reading your latest posts I still think you sound entitled. I accept you have ms, and are suffering, but you chose tohave a baby. You say your mother sacrificed a lot for your education, but you are expecting her still to sacrifice herself to look after you for a few weeks, and not just you but your child and husband.

Lots of people don’t have the option if someone looking after them and have to get on with it. there is no reason you cant go home Thursday night so youhave one day on your own at home,your husband sat and sun and return to your mums on a Monday so she gets a break

As regards your child’s school you seem to want an answer that means you don’t have to compromise, and your mother still continues to sacrifice