Sell our house..?

[Cornberry]

We are in a pickle and I desperately need some good advice.

Last December hubby and I bought our first house with help from parents and scraping everything we could. It was not in the area we wanted but we thought we’d adjust and eventually move our lives that direction (we live in London).
In January my daughter was unexpectedly accepted to a school close to where we used to live. We thought we would just deal with it but the commute has turned out to be a nightmare. Hour there and back each way. Impossible. No chance of me ever working. It’s about 7 miles away. In rush hour London it’s unbearable and there’s no transport near us.
Meanwhile I have been off work sick for a few months (I have MS) and I am now unexpectedly 10 weeks pregnant and suffering from extreme pregnancy sickness as I did with my first.
To cope we have had to move to my mum’s who lives closer to the school where my daughter started in September. There is no question that we want her to go there so that is not the issue.
My mum is unbearable and despite the fact that I’m staggering about vomiting she keeps making comments about how she needs her space etc. Basically we’re not welcome here and on top of my health problems the stress is a lot to take. Luckily a mum from school who lives round the corner is driving my daughter to school with her kids while I wait out the debilitating pregnancy sickness (which last time went until 30 weeks).
Meanwhile we are living out of bags and my amazing husband is working hard to stop my mum getting pissed off with us being here while looking after me and my daughter, but we need a solution. When baby no2 comes staying in our new house is out of the question. It’s a long commute for hubby too and I’m bound to relapse after giving birth (as I did last time) so we need to reorganise everything. Here is the problem. We can’t afford even a tiny flat nearer school and I can no longer get a mortgage due to reduced pay because of illness and now pregnancy. We thought the best option was to sell up and use our capital to pay rent for a few years while we hopefully find a way to improve our financial situation. My husband is a teacher and his salary doesn’t even cover rent for a two bed flat in the areas we need to be in to make school accessible. But people keep telling us it’s a mistake to sell and if we do we will never be able to buy again which is probably true. The area our house is in won’t bring much rent and after fees and tax it wouldn’t even cover the mortgage. Plus as we only just moved in it’s not currently fit to let and we have no time or money to do anything to it. Does anyone have any advice? We have no idea what to do and despite being sick I think it’s important to address this before the next baby arrives.

What a snotty post , everyone cares about their children’s educations and wants them to go to a good school but sometimes people need to accept it’s not possible to do so and other things are just as important like giving children a stable solid home not living out of carrier bags just so they can say they went to a fancy pants school . You sound very entitled OP and almost pissed off that your mum won’t just move out and give you her house , learn to live within your means , I’m assuming since your husband is a teacher and you don’t work your mother is paying the fees so get over yourself .

It’s not just about speaking the language, it’s about the qualification and the academic structure, not to mention the cultural element which my child will always lack not living in the country

Lots of other people manage don't they? You sound really entitled.
Make that sacrifice, go and buy and live in a one bed flat . I've no idea what other advice you expected.

You know education...take it or leave it.

Yes I'm pretty sure we all value education very highly. The thing is whether one school is worth all these sacrifices.

If you don't mind me asking OP, are you sure you'll be ok in a flat. I say that as unless it's a ground floor one, I wouldn't be. The stairs would be too much on some days and you could end up really isolated with the baby.

OP has flounced off!

If you don't mind me asking OP, are you sure you'll be ok in a flat. I say that as unless it's a ground floor one, I wouldn't be.

My MIL is in a building with a lift. She doesn't need it yet but it is there. The only issue with these buildings is service costs which can be high.

My parents sacrificed a great deal for my education as well.
I hated the hour long commute (though they did move closer to school when I was older) and having no local friends. Plus I was horribly bullied at the wonderful school that my parents insisted I had to go to. I would really much rather have gone to the local school.

You're being a bit snobby. I'm privately educated (and my mother made many sacrifices to do this) and I am happy to send my children to a primary school 5 minutes walk away, supplemented with French Saturday school. (We do not live in an affluent part of London either) I think parents are the main influence in early education and we can provide a high quality, well-rounded experience, with language and cultural exposure without inflicting a massive commute on a tiny child. Yes, we'll reconsider at 8, and 11 etc, but time to play and relax are very important at 4.

OP I think you’re barking.

Grandma is clearly paying the fees and the OP is being bullied into the school being the only possible option. If the school is a through school then send her locally until 11 and then move her or has your mum threatened to cut you off if you move her from school. The whole thing is insane.

Yup, just what PPs have said. You sound spoilt and entitled.

As for nasty comments - you called your Mother 'unbearable' 'unkind' and a 'bully'...

You clearly posted on here to get wave of support for you against your Mother who, surprise surprise, isn't thrilled her adult, married daughter and her family have invaded her home without any timeframe or plan to move out.

Did you expect everyone to suggest she move out of her house so you can live there with your family?

Turns out your Mum has not only spent her own adult life bringing you up and making huge sacrifices for your education, she's also helped you buy your own home, has put up with your whole family invading her space and now is paying the school fees for your child - up until the age of 18, I assume that you'll expect her to pay for your second child too?

I'm just failing to see what sacrifices you have made at all?!
You're even bringing a second child into the mix!

You didn't admit or entertain the fact you re clearly able to sell your London house and buy a flat?

Or was that a sacrifice you didn't want to make for your children's education?

Your expensive education didn't seem to teach you to take responsibility for your own life now did it?

Grow up and cut your coat according to your cloth.

So you're all going to cram into a tiny flat which is in a slightly closer location so that your eldest can go to this school?

Sounds like a great idea!

Not everyone seems to grasp the broad value of a good education

There is a huge difference between a "good education" and a "education can only be provided by this one very niche fee paying school which I can't get to easily at home and means I have to live with my mother because of all these other issues".

There are thousands of schools which provide a great education. But OP is not even considering those as she has decided that this one particular school is the ONLY ONE in the whole of the UK which she will consider. And it's in a very expensive area which she can't afford.

So there is no point in suggesting options like moving schools, or whatever as all OP wanted was a wee whinge about how crappy her evil mother is for giving them the house deposit in the first place, and letting her and her family move back in.

Seriously OP. Move to France or whatever other country you're so determined that your child should be educated under their system. Probably a lot less complex and it would get you far away from your mother.

OP absolutely has flounced off!
You do sound entitled and I’ll also bet that her mum is paying the fees.
It seems your family will be shoe boxed into a tiny flat for the sake of not willing to compromise.

What will happen when the next one has to go there as well?

There are two families close to me (emotionally not geographically) who have made various decisions in order to keep their children at a school.

They have suffered and suffered for years. Housing has always been a massive issue with one family being homeless as a result for about 18-months. The other live somewhere noisy (but the noise has been there for 50plus years so tough!)

Change school.
Or rent out your current house and rent cheaply near the school with a plan to move asap. If family helped you with a deposit I don't think you could spend that to top up rent if you sell. A) they might wish it back and B) they might not be able to help you again. Once it's gone it's gone.

Have you looked into all the benefits you could get due to having MS? What about additional support?

One of the families I mention has a person with MS too so I do understand a little.

I only know one person that went to the Lycee and he grew up to be a degenrate arsonist.

Nothing to do with the school of course, but a happy and stable home-life is much more important than a top-notch education when it comes to life-outcomes.

Op has not returned but I guess she had to leave at 1 o’clock to make pickup

Degenerate

Haven't read the full thread op but I think you're getting a hard time of it from the few posts I read. I'd sell up and rent until things stabilise. Wishing you well with the pregnancy and MS. That is not easy.

You have to compromise somewhere and it sounds like the school is the most sensible option.

Op. I'm afraid to say the glorious school you went to didn't do very much for your thinking or decision making skills.

Fee paying. Who is paying ?

Your mum or you

If you then maybe think of the money you will save per year i£4K a term roughly so £12k a year minimum

As money is obv a struggle at the moment

If doing this for eldest then need to do for youngest as well so £25k a year

So I assumeyour mum paying

You have MS. You owe it to yourself and your family to have as stressfree a life as possible. What you are describing is madness for anyone never mind a pregnant, employed mother with such a horrible disease.

If something doesn't change you may end up very very unwell and unable to look after your daughter at all.

Your dd wants her mum to be there for her, and that has to be more important than any school surely?

Sorry if you feel that this is a cruel post in any way, it's really not meant to be. But I think that you have your priorities all wrong. My husband has MS and I know how badly stress affects him, and he does too, and we both work hard to avoid or at least minimise it so that he can live as normal a life as possible. And that means compromising sometimes.

Move schools or move home. How can the school place be that unexpected? Surely you applied there at the same time as buying your new house 7 miles away?

Then you have decided your compromise point.

Is the British education system really not an option? Do you intend your dcs to live/work in france or the uk? Do they have French citizenship? Have you looked at the British options near your house?

Alternatively, is moving to France an option? Could you afford housing near a good school in Paris with dh coming over for weekends? Him renting a room in london would be possibly cheaper, or your mum might he happier to just have her son in law in his own for 5 nights a week when hes at work and hardly there.

(Although Brexit might make this sort of arrangement harder)