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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sell our house..?

331 replies

Cornberry · 04/10/2019 11:22

We are in a pickle and I desperately need some good advice.

Last December hubby and I bought our first house with help from parents and scraping everything we could. It was not in the area we wanted but we thought we’d adjust and eventually move our lives that direction (we live in London).
In January my daughter was unexpectedly accepted to a school close to where we used to live. We thought we would just deal with it but the commute has turned out to be a nightmare. Hour there and back each way. Impossible. No chance of me ever working. It’s about 7 miles away. In rush hour London it’s unbearable and there’s no transport near us.
Meanwhile I have been off work sick for a few months (I have MS) and I am now unexpectedly 10 weeks pregnant and suffering from extreme pregnancy sickness as I did with my first.
To cope we have had to move to my mum’s who lives closer to the school where my daughter started in September. There is no question that we want her to go there so that is not the issue.
My mum is unbearable and despite the fact that I’m staggering about vomiting she keeps making comments about how she needs her space etc. Basically we’re not welcome here and on top of my health problems the stress is a lot to take. Luckily a mum from school who lives round the corner is driving my daughter to school with her kids while I wait out the debilitating pregnancy sickness (which last time went until 30 weeks).
Meanwhile we are living out of bags and my amazing husband is working hard to stop my mum getting pissed off with us being here while looking after me and my daughter, but we need a solution. When baby no2 comes staying in our new house is out of the question. It’s a long commute for hubby too and I’m bound to relapse after giving birth (as I did last time) so we need to reorganise everything. Here is the problem. We can’t afford even a tiny flat nearer school and I can no longer get a mortgage due to reduced pay because of illness and now pregnancy. We thought the best option was to sell up and use our capital to pay rent for a few years while we hopefully find a way to improve our financial situation. My husband is a teacher and his salary doesn’t even cover rent for a two bed flat in the areas we need to be in to make school accessible. But people keep telling us it’s a mistake to sell and if we do we will never be able to buy again which is probably true. The area our house is in won’t bring much rent and after fees and tax it wouldn’t even cover the mortgage. Plus as we only just moved in it’s not currently fit to let and we have no time or money to do anything to it. Does anyone have any advice? We have no idea what to do and despite being sick I think it’s important to address this before the next baby arrives.

OP posts:
DisgruntledGuineaPig · 04/10/2019 14:01

@Passthecherrycoke - I think she wanted us all to tell her that her mum was in the wrong, or that selling up and renting a tiny flat so her DD can go to this amazing school is a good idea...

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 04/10/2019 14:02

You can't possibly sell the house, with all of the costs involved, and use up all of your equity in the house (then what?) for a school for a 4 year old. The bottom line is that you can't afford to live in the catchment area for that school.

DishingOutDone · 04/10/2019 14:03

Shared housing purchase or help to buy schemes, teachers often have preferential rates for both. You'd need to have your own house on the market first.

hopingformoremoremore · 04/10/2019 14:08

I think the just the granddaughter staying at grandmothers Sunday night to Friday makes sense. If grandmother is away Op can stay in her house. If grandmother wants child to go to school this is the only way to get rid of Op but keep at the school.

Otherwise yes pull her out of the foreign school and get on with your lives. It sounds like your pregnancy sickness might not subside, although it might at 14 weeks. Then you can sort the house, weekends and school hols with DH and be ready for when newborn arrives. @Cornberry what are the schools like where you live ?

EmbarrassingMama · 04/10/2019 14:08

Why doesn't your daughter live with your mum for a while, coming home at weekends, whilst you and your husband live in your house.

EmbarrassingMama · 04/10/2019 14:10

Sorry, just seen your daughter is at primary school. In which case, why is the school so important to you and how on earth did you get into it, if you were so far away?

everyonecaneffoff · 04/10/2019 14:11

OP not coming back to answer my question then?
Why does this child have to go to this particular school?
Please help us understand why this school is worth turning absolutely everything else on its head for?

eeksville · 04/10/2019 14:12

I think the OP wanted us to say her mother was being unfair & should let the op & her family move in.

Actionhasmagic · 04/10/2019 14:12

Changing schools isn’t an option for you but really seems like the best solution so maybe reconsider

CJsGoldfish · 04/10/2019 14:18

The solution is clear but you're not willing to 'hear' it let alone action it.
What is it you want OP? You won't be told and you don't seem to think you are fault by imposing yourselves on your mother.

Not sure there is any point in anyone advising you really.

Fluffycloudland77 · 04/10/2019 14:18

This is batshit. Just send her to the local primary like everyone else does.

Whatthefoxgoingon · 04/10/2019 14:20

I think the OP wanted us to say her mother was being unfair & should let the op & her family move in.

I agree. The whole of MN thinks she’s completely unreasonable but I bet she still thinks she’s in the right...don’t expect her to come back frankly...

FairyJuice · 04/10/2019 14:21

Some people just can't be helped and are hell bent on making their own lives stressful it would seem

This!

Op with all the badmouthing you're doing of your mum, it sounds like you want us all to agree with you and tell you that she should be asking you to move in or something Hmm Your attitude reeks of self entitlement/self absorption and I cannot for the life of me understand why you are going to such batshit lengths for a primary school place Confused

Chloemol · 04/10/2019 14:21

Wow you are a bit entitled not thinking it’s not a big stretch to have a child to stay for a few weeks if they are ill! Er but it’s not just you as the child is it? It’s you your child and your husband, so three of you, so yer it is a lot for her

Why doesn’t your husband stay at your house? I assume you all go back at weekends! If not why not?

It’s your choice that the school is the most important thing, so you either accept that, sell up and rent somewhere for as long as you can, accepting it won’t be long term as you say your husband salary would not cover rent so you won’t be able to save up to buy, or you move dd to another school nearer you, and live within your means

Don’t dump all of this on your mother. YOU chose the have your daughter at school, YOU allowed yourself to get pregnant start accepting responsibility

Summersend4 · 04/10/2019 14:21

There is honestly no need to go to this lengths at primary school age . You really would be better off putting your daughter on wait7ng lists local to your house . I know this isn’t the advice you want , but posts are being pretty consistent . Good luck with your pregnancy

Hughesallison · 04/10/2019 14:23

You sound very entitled. Expecting your friend to drop your daughter everyday and your mother to just accept you living there. Another 20 weeks did you say till your sickness eases. Jeez. Be decent give your daughter a good quality of life. Must be very chaotic for her living like this.

alwaysmovingforwards · 04/10/2019 14:24

If your house is the priority, change schools.

If the school is your priority, change house.

Or the compromise is do the commute.

It's your call so be decisive and make it. Living in the limbo you are is just causing stress to everyone.

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/10/2019 14:25

Pretend you didn’t get that school

Go to one that’s local

You were silly to buy a house in an area but apply for a school elsewhere

LagunaBubbles · 04/10/2019 14:32

Anyway thanks but as I said change schools is not an option

Of course it is!

Passthecherrycoke · 04/10/2019 14:34

I have a funny feeling the mum might be paying the school fees which might explain the tie to the school

drumandthebass · 04/10/2019 14:36

I agree with virtually every other poster that you should move school. Playdates will be much easier too as will your friendships with other parents by moving to a more local school.

IAmcuriousyellow · 04/10/2019 14:41

I’m really interested to know where in London isn’t near any transport and necessitates an hours drive to go 7 miles in rush hour

Mrsmadevans · 04/10/2019 14:44

Op are you going to be able to live in a house that isn't adapted for you in future? I think you need to sell your house and rent, sadly with the real possibility that you may need a specially adapted house in future that is provided by social housing .

Iggi999 · 04/10/2019 14:46

The OP's disability seems to be ignored by some posters.

CoastalWave · 04/10/2019 14:47

I really want my child to go to a private school - but she can't. So she goes to another school.

You keep saying the school is non negotiable (foreign school) but you can't make things happen if you live too far away!

Forget the school. It's a shame but there are literally HUNDREDS of decent primary schools. Go and find one closer to you and solve this stress for everyone.