Sell our house..?

[Cornberry]

We are in a pickle and I desperately need some good advice.

Last December hubby and I bought our first house with help from parents and scraping everything we could. It was not in the area we wanted but we thought we’d adjust and eventually move our lives that direction (we live in London).
In January my daughter was unexpectedly accepted to a school close to where we used to live. We thought we would just deal with it but the commute has turned out to be a nightmare. Hour there and back each way. Impossible. No chance of me ever working. It’s about 7 miles away. In rush hour London it’s unbearable and there’s no transport near us.
Meanwhile I have been off work sick for a few months (I have MS) and I am now unexpectedly 10 weeks pregnant and suffering from extreme pregnancy sickness as I did with my first.
To cope we have had to move to my mum’s who lives closer to the school where my daughter started in September. There is no question that we want her to go there so that is not the issue.
My mum is unbearable and despite the fact that I’m staggering about vomiting she keeps making comments about how she needs her space etc. Basically we’re not welcome here and on top of my health problems the stress is a lot to take. Luckily a mum from school who lives round the corner is driving my daughter to school with her kids while I wait out the debilitating pregnancy sickness (which last time went until 30 weeks).
Meanwhile we are living out of bags and my amazing husband is working hard to stop my mum getting pissed off with us being here while looking after me and my daughter, but we need a solution. When baby no2 comes staying in our new house is out of the question. It’s a long commute for hubby too and I’m bound to relapse after giving birth (as I did last time) so we need to reorganise everything. Here is the problem. We can’t afford even a tiny flat nearer school and I can no longer get a mortgage due to reduced pay because of illness and now pregnancy. We thought the best option was to sell up and use our capital to pay rent for a few years while we hopefully find a way to improve our financial situation. My husband is a teacher and his salary doesn’t even cover rent for a two bed flat in the areas we need to be in to make school accessible. But people keep telling us it’s a mistake to sell and if we do we will never be able to buy again which is probably true. The area our house is in won’t bring much rent and after fees and tax it wouldn’t even cover the mortgage. Plus as we only just moved in it’s not currently fit to let and we have no time or money to do anything to it. Does anyone have any advice? We have no idea what to do and despite being sick I think it’s important to address this before the next baby arrives.

Removing the security of owning your home to go into renter accommodation is absolutely mad. There’s literally no benefit - and we are talking primary school.

Am assuming the school is central (literally no one can afford to live locally), and you’re what zone 3? As a compromise is there nowhere long the tube line from the school that’s b easier “commute”

Oh dear!

Not everyone seems to grasp the broad value of a good education

Really?

How about Not everyone seems to grasp the value of a broad education.

An education that gives you the skills to sit down and do your own cost/benefit analysis on your options may have helped. Strangely, my non classicly educated (pulling my own way through last years of high school) and my degree gave me the skills to look at all my options realistically, based on current and future needs and to pay my own way.

OP I understand that you have morning sickness and are now pregnant and are reacting to people’s posts.

But seriously? That comment actually took the cake. A good education never means the recipient is actually intelligent , it does mean though that people feel superior to those less fortunate. Nice one!

'some' people feel that is. Certainly not all.

Will your mother pay for all your children to attend there?

You could be be commuting for 20 or more years to this school if you have more children.

I feel sorry for you, your life is going to be ball of stress, on top of your illness. I just wanted to wish you all the best and hope you feel better soon (regarding the hyperemesis) good luck.

Well quite Winesalot, I've met more people than I care to think about that have been educated beyond their intelligence.

Rather than a gift, education can be a scourge in many cases.

OP wants us to tell her what she wants to hear. I am one who made huge sacrifices for the sake of my DC's education. I did not listen to reasoned advice and so I am not going to waste my time on someone who is perhaps similar. But I would add that physically and financially I had more options and it was still really tough. If you are both in education then your salaries will never be huge. All sorts of school offer alternative qualifications such as IB, so just make sure you are not so convinced you are right that you are not blinded by short term decision making.

Op, I have read the posts and I think many people do understand the value of a good education, but simply they would not sacrifice their family home and all their security for it. Your daughter can still get a good education elsewhere.

Because that's what you're thinking of doing, selling your home and using any equity to pay rent, and desperately hoping nothing happens to your husband,and he can't earn. Or that thr landlord doesn't sell up and one day leave you stranded, You're willing to give up your home and security for this school, that's what people don't understand. How you value it so much above any other education your child could get you'll sell your home to get it,

And what happens if your second child can't get into the school, how will you cope then, surely they also deserve a good education, what else will you have to sacrifice?

And to be frank, if you are willing to go so far as to give up your home and famines security for it, potentially never to be on the housing ladder again, then you can put up with a few grumpy remarks from your mother, as that's nothing in comparison to what you're considering.

Oh wonderful. Clearly OP is the only one with a broad enough education to understand the logic of her thinking.

The rest of us oiks couldn’t possibly grasp her superior decision making.

I have children in some of the best (and ruddy expensive) schools in London. I’d pull them out in a heartbeat if my family’s well being and finances couldn’t cope. The solution is glaring you in the face!

Oh wait.

She’s done an unsurprising flounce.

As you were

does your dd want to go to this school.
this sounds like a recipe for disastr.and so much pressure on your dd that you and your mum is putting on her doesnt sound good for her mental health,alongisdie all the stress of living like this and the tox enviroment at home.
and then what about the other children,their future.even their schooling?
and with a new baby?
and with your ms that is triggered by stress and not being settled.

could someone please tell me what a foreign school is?i dont think my education was broad enough to know these existed or what they were?

If it’s the Lycee you mean, I know children who entered at secondary level. They attended standard local primaries first. You don’t need to have attended all the way through from four.

kateandme foreign schools follow the curriculum of their country, and secondary schools will do their country’s national exams. There’s several different ones in London. You usually need to be a national of that country to get a place.

Not sure why you assumed that not everyone knows what MS stands for. Anyway you are being silly and unrealistic. If you think bringing two children up in a small flat is a life to look plan for to then crack on. I am in a flat with two under 4 and it’s miserable. Good luck whatever you do.

Don’t sell your house, change your daughters school. Friends made that mistake. They’ve never been able to afford to buy again. They bitterly regret it.

How do you afford a fee paying school with money so tight? And for #2 to go as well?

Hi OP. Two suggestions for you:

1. Consider ex-local flats. All council estates are not the same. I've found many in London which are genuinely nice places to live - but people's misplaced snobbery about them means there are often great value homes built for families to be had.

1. Have you tracked a tube line where a commute will be do-able? ie where is the nearest tube to school? Then work your way out of London on that tube line until you can afford something with in 5 mins walk of that station.

Good luck!

I find it very annoying when I spend time writing a couple of posts with some suggestions for the OP and they then flounce off claiming we were all being mean because people didn't all pile in and say she should sell the house and rent somewhere closer to the school, which is what she wanted us to say!!
Why bother asking if you intend to sell the house anyway because your child has to go this one precious school (personally I think her mother is applying the pressure here for the child to go there).
What does DH have to say about all of this?
Or is this one of the posts where the OP wants Mumsnet to pile in and say yes, sell the house, good idea, start renting (and wasting money) so that she can then show the thread to DH. (DH probably absolutely sick of the whole situation and wants to move child to local school near their home because he knows it would be the best thing for everyone's physical and mental health).

OP are you still reading? If so, how about finding a childminder half way between?

That way you could drop off DD 3 miles in at 8am (for example) and the CM could do the rest.
And same for pick up.

Otherwise, I think the only other sensible option would be to move schools.

Best of luck.

Wouldn't it be cheaper to move to France? Culture, good quaity education (according to you), cheaper life, lesser commute and far away from your issues.

Also I wanted to sympathise but warn you that it will be worse when the baby comes.
I'm in a very similar position for kind of similar reasons but our situation is short lived.
We travel 11miles and it can take 45-1.5 hours all round to get the kids to school.
Usually that would be a 15-20 minute journey if it wasn't for rush hour.

The baby spends his life in the car. If I've got to run an errand in the middle of the day then he basically spend his day asleep in his cot or pinned into his car seat. It's horrible.
He screams so much .

Lots of parts of London have no decent transport and plenty have none might not help OP get to school

Yes, but which parts?

Here I am with 5 children in French schools, because that’s where I live, and wondering what exactly people think is so great about the French school system. Mindless rote learning? Tick. Teachers who can’t spell in their own language? Tick. Dumbing down of the curriculum? Tick. ‘Republican values’ forced down your throat? Tick. Never understood people’s obsession with that Lycée.

does your dd want to go to this school.

She is four. She can in no way have an informed opinion on it.

To be fair, it may not be the lycée, particularly as there is now a second one in a much cheaper part of London