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Original poster

To pretend DC was named after my Dad

408 replies

MummyToBe89 · 04/10/2019 10:38

Our first DS is due in a matter of weeks and we have a name that we love.

It just so happens to be my Dad’s name.

I know if I tell my DF his name he’ll be over the moon thinking we’ve named out son after him. Do I pretend that that’s why we named him that name?

The only problem is my DM. My Mum and Dad are on great terms now, but it wasn’t always this way. When they broke up (I was 6) my Dad was very absent and it’s fair to say my DM did the bulk of the parenting. Although things are great now my Mum still likes to get little digs in after a drink about how he never gave her a penny and she did it all on her own etc.

I’d be worried if I name his, let’s say “John” then she’ll think I’ve given my Dad the honour of naming their first grandchild after him and be upset as he was absent for a lot of our childhood.

Do I tell my mum the truth that we just love the name? Then let my Dad think we’ve named him after him?

I know this may seem trivial but I just feel like naming a human is such a huge thing and don’t want to mess it up. Please help as I really don’t want to upset my Mum either!

OP posts:
Annasgirl · 04/10/2019 11:52

I'm with everyone else on this - please OP, choose another name. It will be seen by everyone else as honouring your dad.

Lovetunnocks · 04/10/2019 11:52

Can you use your mum's maiden name as a middle name? It works brilliantly with some surnames.

cakeandchampagne · 04/10/2019 11:53

Pick another name.

Doyoureallyneedtoask · 04/10/2019 11:55

I would choose another name too tbh.

Naming someone the same name as a family member is usually an act of respect, live and a way of always keeping someone in your thoughts.

You say you like the name in its own right.

If your father treated you badly and neglected you to this day, would you want your baby to share his nane? You wouldn’t!

NaomiFromMilkShake · 04/10/2019 12:04

How utterly disrespectful.

SkySmiler · 04/10/2019 12:04

Definitely choose another name, I would be devastated if I were your mum.

8by8 · 04/10/2019 12:04

So you want your mum to have to call her first grandchild by the same name as her ex husband who left her to raise the kids alone? That doesn’t seem very fair to her tbh, it will be a constant reminder and will also feel like a snub to her side of the family.

Are you completely set on that name? If you say what it is maybe we can help you find something different?

If you are set on it then tell her the truth, that it’s just a name you love and so happens to be your dad’s name too.

SchoolDecision19 · 04/10/2019 12:05

I wouldn't hurt my mum like that.

Lweji · 04/10/2019 12:07

Your problem is not pretending that you named him after your dad.
It will be convincing your mother you didn't.

Based on that, and if there's a second name you like, I'd change the name choice.

Lweji · 04/10/2019 12:08

At worst, use it as a second name.

BBBear · 04/10/2019 12:09

I agree with everyone else - that would be a real kick in the teeth for your Mum, bearing in mind she raised you alone.

Mamabear500 · 04/10/2019 12:09

I'd choose another nAme. He doesn't deserve the privilege of having his grandchild named after him

BertrandRussell · 04/10/2019 12:10

Don’t use the name. Too complicated.

But also, naming a human isn’t such a big deal. It’s just a name- it says nothing about what sort of person he is. And if he turn out he doesn’t like it he can change it.

Didiusfalco · 04/10/2019 12:10

Imagine you already have a child with that name and you’re picking a name for your second child - what would it be? Then use that.

Darkstar4855 · 04/10/2019 12:11

I think you need to have a chat with your mum and see how she feels about it then go from there.

Hughesallison · 04/10/2019 12:13

That's very hurtful. When you have your own child you will realise the enormity to raise that child and your father did nothing but left it all to your mother because someone got to take responsibility
Of all the names in the world, hard to imagine you couldn't pick something else.

BertrandRussell · 04/10/2019 12:13

Don’t talk to your mum- she can’t possibly say no without sounding petty. Just imagine how she might feel- and don’t do it.

callmeadoctor · 04/10/2019 12:13

God no, choose another name!

Stuckinanutshell · 04/10/2019 12:13

Of all the names in the world... just choose another name! It’ll be an issue that overhangs all the time. Even if you told your mum the truth she could spill the beans at any point when upset or after a few drinks. People will always ask ‘oh after your dad?’

It’s a mess. Choose another one.

Actionhasmagic · 04/10/2019 12:14

It’s a bit weird! How good can a name be? I want to know the name now. But guess you should use a different one? Have you got a close 2nd?

Hughesallison · 04/10/2019 12:14

Don't ask your mother, that's hurtful to even ask.

Potnoodledoo · 04/10/2019 12:15

Think of it like this.He went awol before,what if he does it again.

You will have a constant reminder.And your ds will have a name with negative feelings attached.

LagunaBubbles · 04/10/2019 12:15

Your poor Mum. No doubt she will pretend it's fine etc but will be dreadfully hurt every time she has to use her exs name for her Grandson. A constant reminder. Why would you do that, especially when there are so many other names to choose from? Confused

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 04/10/2019 12:16

I am a bit Hmm at the suggestion that you "love the name" and it just happens to be your dad's name by coincidence.

For me (and I suspect, most people) a name is pretty strongly linked to people you have known who had that name - even more so if they were a parent! I have names that will forever be off the list because they belonged to someone I hated at primary school. So I just can't imagine being able to separate my father's name from what he means to me, and objectively "like" or "dislike" that name on its own merits.

And even if you can, no one else will believe that that is the case - your mum will think you did name your child after your father, and are lying to spare her feelings.

(example: my sister gave her daughter the same name as our aunt, who is wealthy and childless. She maintains that she just always really liked the name, and isn't a shameless angle for inheritance. Yeah, right. )

Monr0e · 04/10/2019 12:17

I agree with everyone else, I would find a different name. Whether or not your mum understands you just love the name, she will have to use it repeatedly and it will forever be a reminder of something that was understandable a very difficult time of her life.

My dad left my DM when I was 18 months old. I didn't see him again till I was 10 and he never paid a penny to my DM who struggled massively. Although they were always amicable I know she would find it extremely hurtful and painful if I did anything similar.