To pretend DC was named after my Dad

[MummyToBe89]

Our first DS is due in a matter of weeks and we have a name that we love.

It just so happens to be my Dad’s name.

I know if I tell my DF his name he’ll be over the moon thinking we’ve named out son after him. Do I pretend that that’s why we named him that name?

The only problem is my DM. My Mum and Dad are on great terms now, but it wasn’t always this way. When they broke up (I was 6) my Dad was very absent and it’s fair to say my DM did the bulk of the parenting. Although things are great now my Mum still likes to get little digs in after a drink about how he never gave her a penny and she did it all on her own etc.

I’d be worried if I name his, let’s say “John” then she’ll think I’ve given my Dad the honour of naming their first grandchild after him and be upset as he was absent for a lot of our childhood.

Do I tell my mum the truth that we just love the name? Then let my Dad think we’ve named him after him?

I know this may seem trivial but I just feel like naming a human is such a huge thing and don’t want to mess it up. Please help as I really don’t want to upset my Mum either!

Choose another name. Your poor Mum!

Don't use that name

And you certainly can't lie to your mum and dad.

Dysfunctional families start with lies and I can't understand why you think it's okay to lie

I’d tell your mum the reason you’ve chosen the name. There are lots of people with the same name . There’s no way I wouldn’t use it. Your mum is a grown up and I’m sure if you tell her that you just like it she’ll be fine about it. Not using it isn’t just your decision either and your partner may not be on board with not using it.

SHE'S NOT USING THE NAME

Ah, that feels better.

thanks essential :D i was wondering whether RTFT had fallen terribly out of style...

That is lovely. I was going down the choose a different name route but having 2 sons, one of which we instantly agreed we both loved the name and the other we were so undecided that I read a few name books, shortlisted and then we ranked a names - honestly ridiculous but all the names we liked were out because of people we were close to people we didnt like, not going with surname or first sons name so I know it's not always easy to find a second choice. I hope its James or Oliver (james too similar and I think oliver must have been vetoed by my partner cause I cant think of any reason we didnt go with it). Love both those names.

But if you do name him james / jamie and then have another boy dont call him oliver. Actually our 2 boys do make the name of a fairly well known character in books and films- only 2 people have ever mentioned it.

For all those wondering the other 2 names are James and Bobby (after my Gradad who’s name was Robert but was called Bob and was the most amazing man I’ve ever met!!)

If you have anything negative to say please don’t

When he is older your Dad will tell him that he is named after him, and he isn't. You can't lie about this one because the lie will involve your child. I would not use the name. The child might be hurt when he finds out how crap his Granddad was as a parent and he was given the same name.

James is lovely.

Bobby also nice (although I’d go for Robert and then call him Bobby to give him more option when he gets older).

George is a cracking name. I have a George. It's also my dads middle name, which was another reason we chose it but not the only reason. I'm going against the grain here and saying it's a name; you love your dad and it's your child. If you think it will really upset your mum and she won't be able to get over it, then yeah. Find another name.

But George is a great name.

Also...... my mum
And dad broke up, we're in terrible terms, now on better terms and she likes that her grandson has his granddads name. She's also sensible enough to know its just a name.

If my son had been a daughter, it may have been different if I didn't call her after my mum

She's cancelled the name.

See what I did there?

Robert James but you could call him RJ

What a lovely update. Well done Op for taking such difficult replies and acting on them and the thanking of your mum is gorgeous.

THE CHEQUE, IT HAS BEEN CANCELLED FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE CAN’T-BE-ARSED-OF-READING.

Great update OP

Your mum will love the spa day.

James is an incredible name. My son is Christopher James and wants his name to be James 🙌🏻🙌🏻

You'd think that it would be normal practice to read, perhaps the last two pages of a thread, just so you know what's happened over the course of 15 pages and so bring yourself up to date.

Seems that some posters can't be bothered to read further than the OP before posting.

Dear OP,

I think when your son is named, that his name will represent HIM.
Explain to your mother why you chose it. Be sincere.

We named our son for very personal reasons but it is the same name that is my dh's sister's ex.

He spoke to her privately and asked with explanation. She gave her blessing, even though it was an acrimonious split. Now she says when she hears that name, she thinks of her dn, not ex.

Good luck and best wishes!

Fantastic update, OP, and what a nice treat for your mum!

Fantastic update.

Well done for taking it all on the chin OP Love the new name choices!

I can't think of anything worse than being one of several children in a school year named after either a popular tv/soap character, or young Royal / celebrity or their child.

As far as the rest of it goes, I'd have thought you'd choose a name with good associations, and whilst they were for you as a child, you know better now. Personally I'd avoid it for that reason as well.

Fabulous names both!

Choose another name. Why do that to your poor DM? Everyone will assume you've named your DS after your father.

There must be one other boy's name that you like.

PS You'll get caught out if you lie; it's inevitable.