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Original poster

To pretend DC was named after my Dad

408 replies

MummyToBe89 · 04/10/2019 10:38

Our first DS is due in a matter of weeks and we have a name that we love.

It just so happens to be my Dad’s name.

I know if I tell my DF his name he’ll be over the moon thinking we’ve named out son after him. Do I pretend that that’s why we named him that name?

The only problem is my DM. My Mum and Dad are on great terms now, but it wasn’t always this way. When they broke up (I was 6) my Dad was very absent and it’s fair to say my DM did the bulk of the parenting. Although things are great now my Mum still likes to get little digs in after a drink about how he never gave her a penny and she did it all on her own etc.

I’d be worried if I name his, let’s say “John” then she’ll think I’ve given my Dad the honour of naming their first grandchild after him and be upset as he was absent for a lot of our childhood.

Do I tell my mum the truth that we just love the name? Then let my Dad think we’ve named him after him?

I know this may seem trivial but I just feel like naming a human is such a huge thing and don’t want to mess it up. Please help as I really don’t want to upset my Mum either!

OP posts:
8by8 · 05/10/2019 13:43

Thanks for updating, that’s lovely. Best of luck with the birth. It is good to keep an open mind - see which name suits him when he arrives. Neither of mine have the names we picked in advance, they just didn’t suit them!

Reallybadidea · 05/10/2019 13:53

Nice one OP!

Jesse70 · 05/10/2019 13:56

It's a shame u can't use the name you wanted but it's lovely that your taking your mum's feelings into consideration
Although u could ask her if she would mind she might not and your worrying over nothing

dudsville · 05/10/2019 14:03

(So this is where everyone is)

That's a lovely update OP.

Charlottejbt · 05/10/2019 14:06

I'm a single parent too, and it would be a slap in the face if my kids chose my ex's name - even though it used to be my favourite boy's name before I met him. Obviously I wouldn't expect to have a veto over grandchildren's names or fall out with the DCs over it, but I would be hurt.

Charlottejbt · 05/10/2019 14:09

Sorry, just seen the update. Well done OP!

pigsDOfly · 05/10/2019 14:36

That's great OP.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 05/10/2019 14:44

That's a lovely update op

I'm in the same position as your mum 're ex and I've been thinking about this and yes it would hurt. I wouldn't tell d's that though. Flowers

XXcstatic · 05/10/2019 14:48

Well done, OP. It's not easy to take criticism on the chin. Well done for putting your DM first. I'm sure you will be a great mum too, because you have had such a lovely role model Flowers

SleeperSloth · 05/10/2019 15:25

@Sagradafamiliar
Couldn't say it better myself

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 05/10/2019 15:26

I was reading this thread trying to work out what I would feel if it were me, either being your mum or being you, and I was going to ask "what does your DP think? because you haven't mentioned that; does he know it might be a problem, does he like your mum?"

And you came back and told us that you had asked him about it and what he had said, and I think you are both terrific. (And I think the spa day is a great good thing to have done, too.) Well done you, well done him, and I hope you and not-George and your DP have a wonderful life together.

Quickcook · 05/10/2019 15:52

You’ve done the right thing I can’t see you ever regretting this.

Stompythedinosaur · 05/10/2019 15:57

Nice one, op.

Original poster
MummyToBe89 · 05/10/2019 16:18

Thank you for all your lovely comments. My DM is one of the most important people in my life (after DP and soon to be DS) and I’d never want to upset her.
I’m sure once I’m also a Mum I’ll appreciate her even more, as many of you pointed out she has shielded me from a lot of the hard work she did!

OP posts:
thetardis · 05/10/2019 16:19

aw, happy thread :)

Hazardd · 05/10/2019 16:37

Awww!

Outnumbered99 · 05/10/2019 16:39

awww what a lovely update!!

Whoops75 · 05/10/2019 16:45

Lovely update

X

Potnoodledoo · 05/10/2019 16:45

Ah thats such a nice outcome op.

ButterscupsRevenge · 05/10/2019 17:28

I'd pick another name, however if you are dead set on it is talk to your mum and explain now so she's not blindsided at when you announce it. Get a take away let her know and explain that it has 0 to do with ex

ButterscupsRevenge · 05/10/2019 17:29

Oops ignore, me catching up. My response was to the post not updates

MrsBadcrumble123 · 05/10/2019 17:30

Agree with most. Speak to your mum, explain you love the name but will pick another if this would cause her upset.

yasmin0147 · 05/10/2019 17:34

Have it as a middle name maybe?

RueCambon · 05/10/2019 17:39

I agree it's a bit of a kick in the teeth to your Mum! She raised you. I am as confident as I can be that my daughter has too much sensitivity to do this (in the future). I'd cope, but I'd worry about her if she did this.

@sagradafamiliar it's a well-meaning plan to ''never speak ill'' of your x but there are many situations where this utopian denial could leave your children undergunned and blinkered. For example, if your x is going to use veiled threats, duty and obligation to manipulate your children then it is doing them a disservice. It's not always the best policy to ''never speak ill'' of your ex. My friend did that and now her daughter is confused and at risk frankly, negotiating a relationship with her father as a young teen. So glad I wasn't totally naive to the reality that he would treat others like he treated me.

SalomesDance · 05/10/2019 17:41

Personally I would choose another name. Your dad will think he's the bees knees and your mother will be devastated. It's not worth it.