Dh & MIL Christmas gift

[AreThereAnyUsernamesNotTaken]

DH came home from visiting his DM at the weekend and told me MIL has ordered a present for our young DC’s for Christmas. She showed DH what it is before clicking buy.

It’s basically a massive table that you lay out train tracks and buildings on - looks lovely, the DC’s will enjoy it, however, the space in our flat is MASSIVELY limited.
We’re already over run with the toys that we have (and we don't exactly have a lot in comparison to most families) and the purchase of this table means I’m now going to have to throw out a toy box that we currently have in our front room just to make space for this table as there’s literally nowhere else we can put it. As a result of getting rid of the toy box, I’m going to have to go through so many toys and either throw them away, or give them to charity shops. I recently bought DC’s a couple of toy ‘houses’ - think batman cave play sets etc, which I now have NO IDEA where I’m going to put, as again, the table will have to be put where all their current stuff is.

I’ve literally utilised every single area of our front room (there’s no space whatsoever in DC’s room for toys), we have a book case with fabric storage bags (one for cars, one for action figures, one for blocks etc etc), under our tv unit houses some toys too, and of course, the toy box held the bulkier things like toy guitars and wooden pirate ships.

AIBU to be annoyed at DH for agreeing to something that he knows we simply don’t have the space for, and also at MiL who is well aware that something of that size just isn’t appropriate for how small our home is?

I’m now in the awkward position of either having to tell MIL to cancel the order, or throwing away so many of my DC’s things just to make space for this poxy table that’ll be arriving at Christmas! Grr!

(Awaiting to be told I'm being ungrateful and should just get on with it and accept the gift, but I'm legit pulling my hair out over the prospect of trying to create space when we have none )

Could you bring your coffee table down from.the loft and ask your husband to figure out a way to make it fit without compromising your DCs favourite toys? Maybe then he'll realise that the train table won't fit either.

Oh well if she's bringing it round at Christmas, then you can just show her how it won't fit and she can take it away with her again.
MAKE it so that it's a toy at her house - then she might have some incentive to have your kids over to her house to visit.

DO NOT clear any space for the fucking thing.
IF your DH attempts to throw anything out for said fucking thing, stop him. Now I know that you can't attach things to the walls etc (although I do also know people who lived in army quarters where they weren't supposed to attach things to walls either and they did, but since they were all painted magnolia, it was easy to patch later). Can you get that cube storage for the living room or the kids' bedrooms? To put their other toys in, so your bloody H doesn't try and dispose of them? It could almost be like a garage sort of thing for the bigger trucks.

I'm infuriated for you that you're still stuck with having to deal with this, because you are going to be the one keeping the small bits away from your baby and toddler AND your H isn't going to do any of the picking up, he's just going to push it all into one corner with his foot (OK, projecting here, but that's exACTly how my H would deal with it being "his problem") or yell at you for not clearing it up.

I'm sorry you're stuck like this, I really am.

On Christmas day insist they all assemble it ASAP. Busy yourself with the dc unable to help. They can all witness how ridiculous an idea it is.
Or they can help dh manhandle it up into the loft.

“Oh well if she's bringing it round at Christmas, then you can just show her how it won't fit and she can take it away with her again. ”

Yes, because that’s not going to upset the children at all. Is it?

There’s not a chance in hell that the OP is going to say to her MILs face that she will have to take it back as it doesn’t fit.

MIL won’t care there’s no room, she already knows this and has gone ahead and bought the bloody thing.

So the OP has to do something now and ruffle some feathers or live with the consequences of not doing.

Talk to your children, before Christmas, about how some children have nothing. So when she brings it over how nice it'll be to donate it to the children with no toys at all and then they'll still have space for their favourites!

Clicked post to soon. Then I'd say to her face as she has been so arrogant . 'perfect, the children have been wanting a big toy to donate to the women's refuge.'

“Talk to your children, before Christmas, about how some children have nothing. So when she brings it over how nice it'll be to donate it to the children with no toys at all and then they'll still have space for their favourites!”
Blimey. Are your children called Meg, Jo, Amy and Beth?

Ether txt her saying it looks so lovely but it just won't fit, or...

If you really want to avoid confrontation the put the other toys in the loft for a month after Christmas, let them play with the train table (take lots of pictures) then put the train table in the loft and bring the old toys back down.

Sell the train table after a year.

Could you bring your coffee table down from.the loft
This PP has it. Bring the coffee table down to show your DH how inconvenient the train table will be.

I was with you for the past few days until you just said you've 'no other option that to live with it'. Bullshit you e been given hundreds of options. Grow a backbone and tell them you will not have a table in your living room that will cause you daily inconvenience. I'm starting to think you're enjoying this drama and MN attention.

Pretty sure that the thing will come in a box and need assembling so the kids won't necessarily even know what it is. And if it's already assembled, how the fuck is MIL going to get it up to the flat by herself, eh?
So it doesn't really need to leave the car at all, does it.

Having 2 boys who really enjoy their wooden tracks that table looks incredibly restrictive to play... Ask mil if she wolf mind getting just the train set and maybe some extra train bits? They will definitely enjoy it more on the floor and when not in use they fit nicely in a crate.... Good luck!

I'm not frightened of him, but he has a history of not listening to me or taking me seriously. Things do tend to be his way or the highway

Well, right now, whilst your DC are small, it’s a train table he’s disregarding your opinion on. But when the decisions get higher stakes as the DC get older, What then?

I feel for you. You’ve a newborn and 2 under 3s - that’s tough without your DH making it tougher. If you are a SAHP and nit just currently on maternity leave, please consider the power dynamics of decision-making and how your future family life looks.

Frankly, if I were the SAHP then it would be my way or the highway on the train table, as the house would be my workplace so I’d expect to be the decision-maker there.

Anyway, good luck with it. But I’d be properly kicking off and that you feel your husband won’t listen at all is a worry. Putting up with things isn’t always the right thing to do.

You have a 2 year old and a new born. How are you going to watch them all day everyday with all the parts that are a CHOKING hazard.
This toy is DANGEROUS in a small flat with 3 small children.

Plus the 3 year old who is at the lower end of the suggested (for a very good reason) age range.

@AreThereAnyUsernamesNotTaken Really? You’d be ‘fuming’ if this happened in reverse? Have you actually thought about that, because I think you’re making an excuse by saying you have to see it from their perspective...

Lets dissect this a little:

If your mum asked you if she could buy the table, you’d probably have known straightaway that it wouldn’t fit. You would have considered the wider ramifications of its presence and you would have decided against, and nicely suggested something else.

Let’s pretend that for whatever reason you didn’t do the above. When you then got home, your husband measured up and said, it’s really not going to fit, we’ll have to tell her to cancel as the children won’t be able to play with it and that would be a terrible waste of money. Would you then really maintain that it’ll be fine, you’ll make it work, and refuse to speak to your mum about it? I can’t believe you’d be that silly. And then if your husband were to say look, we really need to sort this out, if you really can’t bring yourself to tell your mum then I’ll have to do it, would you really be fuming about that??

Stop making allowances for other people’s idiocy and dysfunction. Stop falling in with it, be assertive and stand your ground. You’re not being unreasonable. This isn’t a matter of opinion, it’s not a matter of you being a cow, it’s simple fact that the table is a) UNSAFE b) too big and c) not even that great a toy.

I get that you feel trapped. I get that you might not want to rock the boat. But you’re being silly now. FFS just sort it out and stop playing along with the narrative that you’re being unreasonable.

And if your husband really is that awful and doesn’t respect you at all nor value your role as parent and consistently treats you this way and just overrules or overrides your opinions and feelings - if it’s really not a loving marriage and an equal parenting partnership - then you need to start thinking about extricating yourself from this relationship.

I’ve said everything I’m going to say on this now. Good luck, I hope you manage to muster up the courage to assert yourself on this issue.

Maybe another tack; she drops it off on Xmas day and you all decide not to build it as it's too bulky, ahaha, oh well, we'll see if we can make it fit. Prop it against the wall and cover it with a sheet or something so kids can't see the pictures.

Arrange for a sympathetic friend to come over the following morning (i.e. ASAP), with another lifting person if needed/available, and cart it off for storage in their garage or similar. Tell your DH you gave it away as it was too big for the room.

If/when a fuss is made, agree to let MIL collect it and sell it on herself. But do not have it back.

I feel for you as they have ganged up on you to arrange the fun-but-ridiculously-big gift. You now seem like the killjoy trying to keep the living space from being overrun with toys.

I would give in short term, put toys and toybox in the loft myself, display mild enthusiasm and gratitude for the impractical gift then, at Easter when they have ceased to play with it, stick it in the loft (keeping the track which can go on the floor) and retrieve the things you put away to cries of delight from the kids. They will not miss the table, it is, after all, a piece of furniture not a toy.

I’d then put the table on gumtree on the q.t.

I totally understand where you are coming from as we are also in a flat with two small boys and limited space. However, we also recently acquired a train table and it has been the best thing in the world. Each night I set up a different scene (small world) and both boys spend hours playing with it. We've donated loads of toys too but feel it was worth it as they get so much out of the table. We store ours under our dining room table- could that be something you could do? If not then defp tell DH to tell mil.

If my in-laws get unsuitable toys ' brilliant, it can live at your house'....

Sorry if you’ve already said but does your flat have outside space? Can you paint or varnish it in outdoor products and keep it outdoors?

My kids loved ours and played with it daily but they do take up a lot of space.

Store all the other toys in your DH's wardrobe and get rid of his clothes? :)

Do you enjoy being a doormat OP?

I can see how you are in a bind if your OH thinks it will work. I wouldn’t contact MIL based on your situation. I would follow @NearlyGranny’s advice from page 1 and page 4. Print it off and keep it on you and follow it word for word. It’s a case of short term pain for long term gain. If you stick to it then other similar situations will be prevented in the future. Good luck!