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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dh & MIL Christmas gift

355 replies

AreThereAnyUsernamesNotTaken · 03/10/2019 09:41

DH came home from visiting his DM at the weekend and told me MIL has ordered a present for our young DC’s for Christmas. She showed DH what it is before clicking buy.

It’s basically a massive table that you lay out train tracks and buildings on - looks lovely, the DC’s will enjoy it, however, the space in our flat is MASSIVELY limited.
We’re already over run with the toys that we have (and we don't exactly have a lot in comparison to most families) and the purchase of this table means I’m now going to have to throw out a toy box that we currently have in our front room just to make space for this table as there’s literally nowhere else we can put it. As a result of getting rid of the toy box, I’m going to have to go through so many toys and either throw them away, or give them to charity shops. I recently bought DC’s a couple of toy ‘houses’ - think batman cave play sets etc, which I now have NO IDEA where I’m going to put, as again, the table will have to be put where all their current stuff is.

I’ve literally utilised every single area of our front room (there’s no space whatsoever in DC’s room for toys), we have a book case with fabric storage bags (one for cars, one for action figures, one for blocks etc etc), under our tv unit houses some toys too, and of course, the toy box held the bulkier things like toy guitars and wooden pirate ships.

AIBU to be annoyed at DH for agreeing to something that he knows we simply don’t have the space for, and also at MiL who is well aware that something of that size just isn’t appropriate for how small our home is?

I’m now in the awkward position of either having to tell MIL to cancel the order, or throwing away so many of my DC’s things just to make space for this poxy table that’ll be arriving at Christmas! Grr!

(Awaiting to be told I'm being ungrateful and should just get on with it and accept the gift, but I'm legit pulling my hair out over the prospect of trying to create space when we have none Envy)

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 04/10/2019 14:38

Seriously, OP, I am so annoyed for you, but I think you absolutely have to tell him again to get her to send it back. It's ridiculous. You know you'll end up dealing with the mess it creates.

Soon2BeMumof3 · 04/10/2019 14:46

If my DH was this dismissive of my thoughts and feelings about our home I would be absolutely furious.

Who the fuck is he to decide that the wishes of the woman nursing his newborn and caring for his three children are of such little consequence?!

You have a DH problem. Forget MIL, forget the table. Blow your lid at your selfish idiotic prick of a husband who feels he has the right to ignore you like this and unilaterally decide to make everyone's lives harder but his.

Oh and when the table comes- put it on gumtree while he's at work. Selfish prick.

Ninkaninus · 04/10/2019 15:06

My ovaries would have long since shrivelled up, along with any respect I might have had for him as a person. I just couldn’t live with it, and I wouldn’t. I know that doesn’t help you, OP.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 04/10/2019 15:22

I have to agree with the pps - your DH is pissing me off too.

I think you should still talk to MIL because clearly your DH is an arse of the first consideration, and TELL her that he hasn't thought this through at all, and that you do NOT have room for it.

If she goes ahead with it despite that, then you know where you stand with her (nowhere) and you also know that your DH has no respect for you either.

Hard to imagine how you move forward with that situation, in all honesty - is he going to continue to railroad you into situations where you have extra work to deal with while he swans around, being all "carefree" and "it'll be fine"?

mankyfourthtoe · 04/10/2019 16:57

Have you given him a newspaper cut to size, so he can show you where it will exactly go. Without getting rid of anything. Unless it's his favourite chair. Obviously

chubbylover78 · 04/10/2019 17:37

These kinds of toys are big but they table can be used for your children to play on and you can use storage boxes underneath. Most come with a cover to use as a plain table anyway.

AreThereAnyUsernamesNotTaken · 04/10/2019 17:43

Definitely won't be able to fit boxes underneath it, it's raised about 3 inches from the floor, and has a drawer that holds the train pieces which slides underneath...
it also has a massive lip all the way around it so can't exactly be used for anything other than it's intended purpose. It doesn't come with a cover anyway.

OP posts:
flouncyfanny · 04/10/2019 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MollyMinniesMum · 04/10/2019 18:12

You sound very ungrateful tbh at least she checked with DH first, you can’t go back on that now

LouH1981 · 04/10/2019 18:15

Sounds exactly like my MIL...always turning up with something oversized for DS and sadly, things he doesn’t really play with. Then DH yells at me about the lack of space and I have to point out all the stuff she has bought taking up all the space.
Worst one was a second hand bike despite the fact that DH and I were really looking forward to doing the whole ‘choosing the first bike’ moment as he’d never had one before.
I sound incredibly ungrateful but when she does come round she just plonks herself on the sofa and rarely plays with him despite him trying to involve her which I’m pretty sure he would prefer plus it would save her a bit of money.
Sounds like she has got a bit over excited and not really thought about the space issue.
Maybe suggest it stays with her for when you visit or gently explain that it’s not ideal.
My DH has agreed to have a word with MIL to try and reign it in a bit.
All very well meaning but we have to live with it, don’t we! x

Ninkaninus · 04/10/2019 18:16

What the hell? At least she checked with the King of the household and OP ‘can’t go back on that now’?? She’s ungrateful because she doesn’t want a monstrosity of a toy that won’t actually fit anywhere in her house and will cause her a huge headache on top of having three children to look after? Really??

I really hope you’re just being a GF because, honestly, if not, your attitude is absolutely ridiculous.

flouncyfanny · 04/10/2019 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eggsandwich · 04/10/2019 18:20

Put it on top of your bed and say its the only place thats big enough for it.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 04/10/2019 18:23

coo. Your DH is very annoying OP. Especially when you have a wee 5 week old baby to worry about.
I Have been in similar situations and I don't know what gets into their thick heads.
I do think that if you step back and squint at the situation, your DH has set you up to the be fall guy here with MIL, and I suspect its not the first time or you wouldn't be so worried about being thought of as being "horrible" for rejecting theTrojan Table. He probably doesnt realise he's doing it. If she was a disapproving kind of mother, then he's trying to move that disapproval on to you.
He's not going to tell her.. he's waiting for it to be too late to cancel the order to avoid doing anything at all.
Some men always want to be the Nice Guy. It's infuriating. And Childish.
I know you've planned to do it tomorrow but I'd ring her tonight in my nicest friendly voice and just say.. "So sorry no room in our TINY flat! I've measured. Don't know what he was thinking. That's why we have a coffee table and my own mother's giant car set in the loft. I'd hate to waste your gift. Please can you cancel the order as it will be very difficult for me to return such a large object with no car and three children in tow.
Is there anything from the same catalogue you could choose instead?
If it does arrive and you can't move it could you donate to the nearest nursery if they collect? It really looks more like a playgroup toy anyway. Hopefully this willl soon blow over... even if it ruffles a few feathers. Best of luck and many congrats on your lovely baby. x

flouncyfanny · 04/10/2019 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaraLondon1 · 04/10/2019 18:28

NearlyGranny - First page of posts . Perfect answer. Full stop - love it !

ButterscupsRevenge · 04/10/2019 18:33

Why not just ask Mil if that can be a toy for her house for the kids to play with on visits?

Ellie666 · 04/10/2019 18:42

WHY can't you stand a table OVER a toy box, what sort of toy box is it.

WhatTiggersDoBest · 04/10/2019 18:44

Surely the DCs will be too young for the small parts at 2 and just turned 3?? Aren't these sort of things usually age 3+? So one child can safely play with it... maybe.
Can you get through to your DH with this angle, maybe?

WhatTiggersDoBest · 04/10/2019 18:46

PS this is blatantly a toy for DH and I suspect he asked his mum for it. He's not thinking of the kids here in the slightest, he's playing you and MIL off against each other.

gill1960 · 04/10/2019 18:48

Cancel the order immediately

And get your husband to do it

DoAllMeerkatsComeFromRussia · 04/10/2019 18:52

There's nothing else for it. You'll have to build stilts for your sofa!

Imnotthrowingawaymyshot · 04/10/2019 18:52

Me contacting her won't solve a thing because of how flippant he's being about it all

I strongly disagree and you know something, its ok for you to say - I am sorry but I cannot accept this gift..

she will say but DH said its fine, you say - YOUR SON actually doesn't think think through and is wrong. I am saying NO and thats final.

Of course be polite and sweet and thank her - but that ^^ is the nutshell. It doesn't matter if your DH sad he will build an extension and use up all his pension and life savings to house it - YOU SAY NO.

Maybe you have history with her - or you cant stand up for yourself but more than the actual table I think for YOU its really imp that you make this call.

RumDo · 04/10/2019 18:52

OP, have you given any thought as to what to give MIL for Christmas yet? Grin

yomellamoHelly · 04/10/2019 18:55

Can you send it back once it's delivered? Happened to us and we exchanged it for lots of lovely vouchers. Suppliers were really understanding (and gift-giver never realised / once asked about it).
Stupid situation to be in, but the money ended up going on coats etc for the dc here.

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