Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dh & MIL Christmas gift

355 replies

AreThereAnyUsernamesNotTaken · 03/10/2019 09:41

DH came home from visiting his DM at the weekend and told me MIL has ordered a present for our young DC’s for Christmas. She showed DH what it is before clicking buy.

It’s basically a massive table that you lay out train tracks and buildings on - looks lovely, the DC’s will enjoy it, however, the space in our flat is MASSIVELY limited.
We’re already over run with the toys that we have (and we don't exactly have a lot in comparison to most families) and the purchase of this table means I’m now going to have to throw out a toy box that we currently have in our front room just to make space for this table as there’s literally nowhere else we can put it. As a result of getting rid of the toy box, I’m going to have to go through so many toys and either throw them away, or give them to charity shops. I recently bought DC’s a couple of toy ‘houses’ - think batman cave play sets etc, which I now have NO IDEA where I’m going to put, as again, the table will have to be put where all their current stuff is.

I’ve literally utilised every single area of our front room (there’s no space whatsoever in DC’s room for toys), we have a book case with fabric storage bags (one for cars, one for action figures, one for blocks etc etc), under our tv unit houses some toys too, and of course, the toy box held the bulkier things like toy guitars and wooden pirate ships.

AIBU to be annoyed at DH for agreeing to something that he knows we simply don’t have the space for, and also at MiL who is well aware that something of that size just isn’t appropriate for how small our home is?

I’m now in the awkward position of either having to tell MIL to cancel the order, or throwing away so many of my DC’s things just to make space for this poxy table that’ll be arriving at Christmas! Grr!

(Awaiting to be told I'm being ungrateful and should just get on with it and accept the gift, but I'm legit pulling my hair out over the prospect of trying to create space when we have none Envy)

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 05/10/2019 08:13

Nice polite message to mil saying it’s lovely but too big-how about this instead.
Less polite message to h telling him what you’ve done, and if he doesn't back you up if she calls him then there will be serious reevaluating of your relationship going on.
But ffs, do something.

GreenTulips · 05/10/2019 08:33

Dear MIL thank you so much for the play table, it’s quite big and will take up a bit of space, so I’ve decided to order a single bed to make space and DH will be returning home to you shorty. I’m just packing now!’

Thank you, you’ve given me the best gift!

PrettyPurse · 05/10/2019 08:47

and he'll just tell her not to do it as 'we want the table and can make it work'.

If it's coming no matter what then you'll just have to put up with it.

NoSauce · 05/10/2019 08:53

If it's coming no matter what then you'll just have to put up with it

No she will not. She didn’t ask for it, she doesn’t want it and she doesn’t have the room for it.

TheGirlWhoLived · 05/10/2019 08:53

Have you thought of a smaller box that could live underneath the train table? Maybe get Mil to buy a flatter small ‘underbed’ style storage box that you could slide in an out. Alternatively you put the old toys in the loft for a couple of weeks/3 months until the train table loses its shine and then unassemble the train table and store that in the loft.

We used to have all toys on 3 month rotation when we lived in a tiny house, and it makes DC so happy when they come out again!

AreThereAnyUsernamesNotTaken · 05/10/2019 08:54

Also, while I do think I'd be perfectly justified to contact MIL, I do have to try and see things from MIL's and DH's perspective. Flipping the situation, if my DM had come to me and shown me the table and asked whether or not she should buy it (not that she would, because she's now totally aware of our space issues since the track she bought us years ago doesn't get used lol!) and I said yes, go for it - I'd then be fuming if my DH went to my DM and told her to cancel it after I'd already said it was ok.

Unfortunately for me, I'm just going to have to deal with it. If the toys get shoved all over the place as a result of this table arriving, then it'll be down to DH to tell the DC's why the toys that they love and play with every day either now need to be sold, or put in the loft, and it's going to be his job to pack away the train pieces every night the moment he gets in from work, and cleaning the table/dusting it etc is also down to him. I'm playing no part in the maintenance of it, and I won't be trying to figure out where all of their existing toys can live.

I'm wiping my hands of the situation. When it arrives and DH realises we really don't have any room to place all of their toys, it'll be his problem to solve. Not mine.

OP posts:
TheGirlWhoLived · 05/10/2019 08:54

Sorry if I’ve missed this but how often will Mil visit?

AreThereAnyUsernamesNotTaken · 05/10/2019 08:55

@TheGirlWhoLived no room to store anything underneath it, and while the toy rotation is good in theory, it won't follow through as someone else posted the other day, DH won't keep on top of putting things in the loft and bringing them back down again, so it'd be another job that would fall on me to do, and I'm not taking responsibility for constantly having to sort through toys and take them in to the loft, only to have to do the same thing all over again in a month or twos time.

OP posts:
AreThereAnyUsernamesNotTaken · 05/10/2019 08:57

Ha. The visits. Basically never. She's come round once, once this year and that was to take DH to get a big food shop back in April. We have a 5 week old newborn who she hasn't even bothered to come round and see. I think she's come to our flat a grand total of 3 times in the 3 years we've been living here. She never sees the DC's, never asks how they are, my DC's probably wouldn't even really know who she is if she was to walk through our front door right now.

OP posts:
NoSauce · 05/10/2019 08:58

But it will be YOU living with disruption day to day while DH is at work, OP?

Ah well people have tried to offer you suggestions and solutions, which you seem to be spectacularly ignoring. Not much else for people to say is there?

AreThereAnyUsernamesNotTaken · 05/10/2019 09:00

I'm not ignoring the suggestions, I'm merely saying that speaking to her won't solve a damn thing. She will not listen to me, I know her better than the posters on here, and know that she'll just continue with the order since she's had the ok from DH.

DH isn't hearing me when I say how ridiculous this purchase is, so I have no other options than to live with it.

OP posts:
inlectorecumbit · 05/10/2019 09:06

Put it straight up the loft. You have no space and your DH is too much of a wet lettuce to tell his DM to cancel.
Better still sell the bloody thing and buy something more appropriate- your MIL will never know and if she dies come rounf explain you had no space for it.

NoSauce · 05/10/2019 09:06

You can refuse delivery though OP?

AreThereAnyUsernamesNotTaken · 05/10/2019 09:07

I would refuse delivery, but MIL is getting it delivered to her house then she'll be bringing it round when we see her at Christmas..

OP posts:
GalactiCat · 05/10/2019 09:08

Is it being delivered straight to your house? If so just refuse it at the door. Poor you. It's a really shit situation. Other than that, when it arrives just put it straight on gumtree/freecycle/ebay without unpacking it. Or contact Womans Aid to see if they have room for it in one of their refuge houses.

GalactiCat · 05/10/2019 09:08

Cross post!

midnightmisssuki · 05/10/2019 09:11

So you’re just going to leave it and accept it? Sorry - you’re being walked over. Unless you put a stop to it - this will continue.

BertrandRussell · 05/10/2019 09:18

This is probably entirely left field- but are you frightened of your husband, OP?

IncrediblySadToo · 05/10/2019 09:19

I’d tell DH that if MIL arrives with that on Christmas Day he can take her straight home and HE can stay there!

And I’d mean it

I couldn’t live with someone so fucking wet & stupid

AreThereAnyUsernamesNotTaken · 05/10/2019 09:20

I'm not frightened of him, but he has a history of not listening to me or taking me seriously. Things do tend to be his way or the highway.

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 05/10/2019 09:21

The thing I’m mostly confused about is how he got you pregnant three times. His stupidity would mean he got nowhere near me.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 05/10/2019 09:26

*and it's going to be his job to pack away the train pieces every night the moment he gets in from work, and cleaning the table/dusting it etc is also down to him. I'm playing no part in the maintenance of it, and I won't be trying to figure out where all of their existing toys can live.

I'm wiping my hands of the situation. When it arrives and DH realises we really don't have any room to place all of their toys, it'll be his problem to solve. Not mine.... *

I'm not frightened of him, but he has a history of not listening to me or taking me seriously. Things do tend to be his way or the highway.

So what happens when he ignores you telling him that it is his job to sort it all out. Tidy it every night, clean it, put away/give away/sell other toys?

You know you're the one going to be doing all that, don't you.

NoSauce · 05/10/2019 09:29

I'm not frightened of him, but he has a of not listening to me or taking me seriously. Things do tend to be his way or the highway

Right well it’s time to stop that OP. You can change the way you behave around him because by not doing he’s always going to get his own way.

You can do this OP. Phone her today.

GreenTulips · 05/10/2019 09:32

You know you're the one going to be doing all that, don't you

I’ve had similar with DH many years ago. Strike action required!!

namechange5575 · 05/10/2019 09:33

It looks like you are there already, but I was going to say, don't let him wind you up on this. Try mirroring him. 'Ok DH, you've clearly got a great understanding of this that I can't see. You can sort it all out and find homes for everything and keep it tidy. It's stressing me out but I'm going to let you reassure me and manage it all, thanks for that'. Bounce some of that anxiety and responsibility back on him. If it doesn't work after a few weeks / months, if he doesn't step up, just charity shop it.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread