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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dh & MIL Christmas gift

355 replies

AreThereAnyUsernamesNotTaken · 03/10/2019 09:41

DH came home from visiting his DM at the weekend and told me MIL has ordered a present for our young DC’s for Christmas. She showed DH what it is before clicking buy.

It’s basically a massive table that you lay out train tracks and buildings on - looks lovely, the DC’s will enjoy it, however, the space in our flat is MASSIVELY limited.
We’re already over run with the toys that we have (and we don't exactly have a lot in comparison to most families) and the purchase of this table means I’m now going to have to throw out a toy box that we currently have in our front room just to make space for this table as there’s literally nowhere else we can put it. As a result of getting rid of the toy box, I’m going to have to go through so many toys and either throw them away, or give them to charity shops. I recently bought DC’s a couple of toy ‘houses’ - think batman cave play sets etc, which I now have NO IDEA where I’m going to put, as again, the table will have to be put where all their current stuff is.

I’ve literally utilised every single area of our front room (there’s no space whatsoever in DC’s room for toys), we have a book case with fabric storage bags (one for cars, one for action figures, one for blocks etc etc), under our tv unit houses some toys too, and of course, the toy box held the bulkier things like toy guitars and wooden pirate ships.

AIBU to be annoyed at DH for agreeing to something that he knows we simply don’t have the space for, and also at MiL who is well aware that something of that size just isn’t appropriate for how small our home is?

I’m now in the awkward position of either having to tell MIL to cancel the order, or throwing away so many of my DC’s things just to make space for this poxy table that’ll be arriving at Christmas! Grr!

(Awaiting to be told I'm being ungrateful and should just get on with it and accept the gift, but I'm legit pulling my hair out over the prospect of trying to create space when we have none Envy)

OP posts:
Ninkaninus · 04/10/2019 18:55

People, FGS RTFT - it’s perfectly obvious why it can’t stand over a toy box if you’d bother to read the thread and look at the photos of said table.

Ginnymweasley · 04/10/2019 18:56

Those tables are bulky, also with a 2 and 3 yar old and a newborn I would be worried about all the small parts etc. What happens when your baby starts crawling etc. Where is the baby going to play? Cause it won't be able to play with a train track.
Have you asked him to show you exactly how he is going to make it fit? Without getting rid of toys etc?
My mil does things like this, she wanted to buy a canopy thing to go over my dd's bed. I said no. She then mentioned it to my dh, who said he would have to talk about it with me as he wasn't sure it would fit. Obv I then told him I had already said no. She was just trying to work out how to get her own way. I don't understand why people insist on trying to buy presents without thinking about space and logistics. I'm still trying to find space for the ride on tractor mil bought for my 1 yr old for his birthday, another present I had said no to (just not this specific tractor).
I would just tell her clearly no. If she bitches to your husband that is her problem.

Ninkaninus · 04/10/2019 18:57

I actually wouldn’t forgive my OH if he did this or was consistently like this. OP I sadly think you have much bigger issues to think about than just the sodding table...

Lillyringlet · 04/10/2019 18:57

Here's what you say to the husband - you need to order a single bed. When he asked why tell him because he is giving up his "side of the bed" to fit the thing in the house.

So order a new single bed or I will sell our bed. Then you'll sleep in the remaining space or the sofa.

That or tell your mother to cancel it or once day you will come home to me having a single bed.

It might be worth messaging her the truth that you really love it but there is no where it will fit in with "the present you ordered for husband" for Christmas. That way you look like you are the good guy and husband can't do the whole "nahhh it's fine" thing with space.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 04/10/2019 18:59

Kids love these tables -esp for train sets, they will live it and you can put the toy boxes and bat-caves underneath.

ReanimatedSGB · 04/10/2019 19:01

FFS don't let the thing arrive and then 'make it your H's problem'. Because, while he deserves some aggravation, doing it that way will be upsetting for the DC who are completely blameless. Phone or email MIL, say, 'It was a lovely idea but we really haven't got the room for it, we don't want to waste your money, please cancel the order.'.
If she actually kicks up and insists, be a little firmer with her #We do not have room for it. We really don't want it.'
And if she ignores you and the thing turns up, straight down to the nearest charity shop it goes before DC see it.
If you think she is the sort of cunt who will turn up with it at Christmas and make a big fuss over letting the DC see it, then you really do have a problem...

user1471590586 · 04/10/2019 19:10

I think I would let the kids play with the trains but not assemble the table. Just stick it in the attic in case you have more room in the future.

flouncyfanny · 04/10/2019 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrettyPurse · 04/10/2019 19:12

Get it set up. Push it against the wall and put the other toys on top. It can be used to stack stuff on.

itbemay1 · 04/10/2019 19:14

Hey DH to call her and say you've measured up and it won't fit and can she please cancel it

Sotoes · 04/10/2019 19:17

It's dangerous for toddlers. It's a NO.

73Sunglasslover · 04/10/2019 19:20

This is your DH's problem, not yours. What does he plan to do about it?

sleepylittlebunnies · 04/10/2019 19:22

My kids loved their train table and DS played with it from age 3 till age 10. They are very bulky but we had space, it started in the conservatory where a coffee table might have been. Then went to his bedroom but he couldn’t get around it as it only fitted against a wall. We moved it to the loft room once we he was about 7 as with 2 other DC and their toys and sharing bedrooms there was not enough space, he was old enough and sensible to use the ladder.

You’ve quite a few options even if DH won’t tell his mum. Refuse to accept the delivery when it arrives. Return it to the store. Sell it. Stick it in the loft in the box in case you move. Declutter and use it as a coffee table. Paint it with outdoor paint or varnish and have it as an out door toy.

I think I would tell MIL that it’s a lovely idea that the kids would love but it just won’t fit in our home. Ask if she would change the order to a load of wooden track that they will have hours of fun putting together in different ways all over the flat that can be taken apart and stored in a box in between play. Just say that it’s the table rather than the toy that’s the problem.

FindusCrispyPancakes · 04/10/2019 19:39

Just tell her it's too big for your house, she can keep it at her house if she really wants your children to have it, if not get it returned.

My in-laws bought a plastic monstrosity for the garden last Christmas (a playhouse) huge thing it was. They actually asked what did our children want for christmas and I said nothing big or plastic (they were 1 and 2 so they didn't really need anything!!). They thought it was funny doing the opposite of what I said. Not so funny when they had to return it a few days after Christmas. Funnily they didn't want it in their beautifully landscaped garden when I suggested it.

Ellie56 · 04/10/2019 19:42

Well if MIL never visits she won't know you've put it on Ebay will she? Grin

BertrandRussell · 04/10/2019 19:44

I often think that for things like this people should post twice . Once with the “perp” being the mil and the other with her being the godmother or something. Then average out the replies!

Dinomom52 · 04/10/2019 19:51

We have a train table. We take the track off & the kids play with other stuff on the table.

You can put some stuff on top of it you know.

Don’t throw out the batman houses.

AreThereAnyUsernamesNotTaken · 04/10/2019 20:02

The toy box that will need to be emptied and toys found new homes is the only place in our front room for the table to possibly go. There's no way the things that are currently in and around the toy box will fit in the drawer of the table, or even on top of it!
We have sit on diggers, large trucks, play houses, a wooden pirate ship, wooden play boxes, guitars etc. It's all bulky stuff that won't fit in the the drawer, nor will barely any of it fit on top. And even if i did put some stuff on top, I've then got to move it out of the way each and every time the DC's want to use the table. that's nonsense Hmm

Regarding the small parts - I've spoken to DH about that. He says we'll just go through and put away the smaller pieces until all DC's are older 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Chunkers · 04/10/2019 20:10

Your DH is a fucking knob

Nat6999 · 04/10/2019 20:15

Ex inlaws bought ds a massive rocking horse for his first birthday, I went mad as we only had a small house & nowhere to put it. It stayed at their house & as far as I know is still gathering dust there 15 years later.

Windydaysuponus · 04/10/2019 20:19

Have you considered it could be converted into a coffin?
You need a tape measure to estimate who would fit in it better. Dh or mil....

CameraTime · 04/10/2019 20:21

Is be careful about the suggestions to let it arrive and then make DH deal with it. As already suggested, he'd probably just shove the existing toys all over the place, but there's also a chance he'd chuck them out to make room, and your DCs would be disappointed.

Honestly, I'd get on to MIL now and say no. And give DH a bollocking about lack of thought. You shouldn't have to sort out his mess, but you can include that as part of the bollocking.

HappyBumbleBee · 04/10/2019 20:21

Not sure if this has been suggested as I've not read the full thread but do you have a wall you could hinge the table into - so it can be dropped down to play with and put back up when not?
My dad did this for my son when we were short on space years ago and it worked great x

FlamingoQueen · 04/10/2019 20:28

Cancel the order or sell it on eBay after Xmas. We moved from a 2 bed house to a 3 bed house and mil bought my 2 a snooker table (not full size, but big enough) as we had a bigger house! DS almost put the cue through the window - the reason the house looked bigger was because it didn’t have a snooker table in! I gave it 3 days then put it in the garage and we finally threw it away 2 years ago (was in the garage for about 8 yrs!). What a waste of money.
Don’t throw away your stuff just for one present. Does the train have to be on a table? We had a wooden railway in our old house but it could be packed away every night. Just went on the floor.

NearlyGranny · 04/10/2019 20:29

No, HappyBumbleBee, they're renting and can only use command strips. I don't think they've built any for that kind of weight.

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