Dh & MIL Christmas gift

[AreThereAnyUsernamesNotTaken]

DH came home from visiting his DM at the weekend and told me MIL has ordered a present for our young DC’s for Christmas. She showed DH what it is before clicking buy.

It’s basically a massive table that you lay out train tracks and buildings on - looks lovely, the DC’s will enjoy it, however, the space in our flat is MASSIVELY limited.
We’re already over run with the toys that we have (and we don't exactly have a lot in comparison to most families) and the purchase of this table means I’m now going to have to throw out a toy box that we currently have in our front room just to make space for this table as there’s literally nowhere else we can put it. As a result of getting rid of the toy box, I’m going to have to go through so many toys and either throw them away, or give them to charity shops. I recently bought DC’s a couple of toy ‘houses’ - think batman cave play sets etc, which I now have NO IDEA where I’m going to put, as again, the table will have to be put where all their current stuff is.

I’ve literally utilised every single area of our front room (there’s no space whatsoever in DC’s room for toys), we have a book case with fabric storage bags (one for cars, one for action figures, one for blocks etc etc), under our tv unit houses some toys too, and of course, the toy box held the bulkier things like toy guitars and wooden pirate ships.

AIBU to be annoyed at DH for agreeing to something that he knows we simply don’t have the space for, and also at MiL who is well aware that something of that size just isn’t appropriate for how small our home is?

I’m now in the awkward position of either having to tell MIL to cancel the order, or throwing away so many of my DC’s things just to make space for this poxy table that’ll be arriving at Christmas! Grr!

(Awaiting to be told I'm being ungrateful and should just get on with it and accept the gift, but I'm legit pulling my hair out over the prospect of trying to create space when we have none )

I would say that you are going to be more environmental this year and don't want the DC to be given toys they don't need or that will add to the plastic problem.

Give her a list of what they need. You don't say what age they are but unless they're older and already hooked into consumerism then they won't mind what they get.

OP, does your DH realise which parts are actually a safety hazard?

It would at least include the magnets on the trains and the wheels on the vehicles. The pieces looks a similar size to my eldest's train set. My one year old can fit a whole tree/ traffic light/ sign into his mouth, (and as a result is no longer allowed to touch anything except the track ). That leaves you with an empty track and a couple of buildings at best.

Most of the age warning labels on toys aren't warnings - they're a developmental guide. The 3+ warning is a warning, and not just for choking risks. Two small magnets or a small magnet and a piece of metal can kill if swallowed.

I’ve a solution for your storage problem. Tell your husband you are selling your bed and buying a single so you can store the kids toys in your room. He doesn’t mind sleeping on the sofa right?

What you need to realise is your DH seems to think that having the conversation with your MIL would be worse than having the arguments with you about where it will go. He's convinced you'll whinge a bit, but then sort it out without him having to have an akward conversation. He's more scared of his Mum than your reaction.

That needs to change.

so time to:

Lose. Your. Shit.

Proper lose it.

Shout, cry if you need to. Be very clear, you will not tolerate him putting his mother's feelings above yours and your DCs (who will have to have toys they love thrown out to make space for soemthing you don't think they'll enjoy more that they don't want). That you think he's being selfish and a bad husband and father to do this to you all.

Say you will not tolerate it being in the house. Be clear, leave no doubt in his mind, if he doesn't sort it, he's not going to face a wife who'll grumble then put up with it, but a serious problem at home.

Lose your shit.

Just sell it.
Or, leave it next to your husbands side of the bed.

Do you have a garden you could stand it in? You could put some watertight storage boxes underneath it and store some toys out there too.

Why do you think your MIL won’t listen to you?

If my DH did the same thing, I’d call her and say “You are so kind, and I appreciate you check with DH first before you ordered, but he’s shown me the link and it just won’t fit in the space. He thinks it will be OK and I’m making it a problem but he’s not considered properly where all the toys we already have will go once the table is here. I love the idea of it but it would make my day-to-day life much harder, so would you please cancel the order and we can fund something else brilliant for you to get?”

And my MIL would listen!

I get the impression your MIL wouldn’t care that much - she presumably just wants to buy a demonstrative enough ‘big’ present for the DC which means she doesn’t need to think about shopping.

I’m not sure why you think she’d dig her heels in with DH.

Anyway, at least if you give her the option of doing the sensible thing no one can complain when you end up having to sell the damn thing!

your DH seems to think that having the conversation with your MIL would be worse than having the arguments with you about where it will go.

Also this ^^

Be crystal clear - the train table is a line in the sand and you Do Not Want It.

It's a lovely gift but I would ask for brio or something similar as it can pack up into bag or box

Like this

https://www.johnlewis.com/john-lewis-partners-wooden-train-set-50-pieces/p4255343?sku=238066410&skwcid=2dx92700047019488208&tmad=c&tmcampid=2&gclsrc=aw.ds&&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI3-Tk2cmD5QIVirHtCh2f0wJcEAQYBSABEgKZiiDBwE

Oh dear, we had this endlessly when dd was small, ILs spoilt her with loads and loads of gifts, often large LARGE gifts on a very regular basis. Had to say something in the end because I was sick of the house looking like a day nursery in almost every room. They were being kind, I know, but it was way too much both financially and generously, and she didn't play with most of it as too much to choose from,then at Xmas and birthdays they were asking what to get! There wasn't anything LEFT to buy! Thankfully they got the message eventually

Just store it on top of your DH's side of the bed every night.

I would ltb!!!!!!!

Put the kids' toys on and under the table? I found cat litter trays a nice size for filling with toys and sliding under the furniture.

We have a small house too. And my DH has a really bad ability to not think practically and imagine how the furniture will fit. So when we are contemplating getting a new bit of furniture I get some big bits of paper (like newspaper pages taped together) the same size as the furniture and tape it to the floor to mark out the space it will take up and live with it for a couple of days. Make him aware every time he steps on or over the paper that he won't be able to when the real one is there and make him go back an walk around it. Get the kids involved and make it a game to them. You could get one of those buzzer buttons that makes a klaxon noise and instruct the kids to hit it when he steps on the paper. You can tell the kids the paper is a new coffee table so you don't have to tell them about the gift. When gets annoyed with the klaxon going every 5 minutes it might actually dawn on him that it's not a good idea.

@Welikethemoon - good grief isn't that EXHAUSTING though to have to go to such lengths JUST to prove a point.

@AreThereAnyUsernamesNotTaken - so what are you going to do?

My ds has something similar bit it comes with a large shelf underneath. Could she maybe cancel the order and get something like that? I don't think she should be annoyed if you explain why you would struggle for space.

Just fucking tell her it won’t fit. You’re as bad as your bloody husband OP!

What is worse potentially upsetting your MIL ( who should have known better than to order the table in the first place ) or living with something that’s going to cause you daily annoyance and get in the way??

As MIL to keep it at her house.

Sorry OP, it sounds crap. My kids are older, but I've adopted a work to rule approach for when DH says they can have things I don't think they should have (or need). My response, every time said things go awry, is that their dad needs to sort it out.

Basically, this needs to impact on him. You need to restrain yourself from tidying and make it his problem. I don't know you would practically do that as I'm not in your situation, but it needs to happen as it's completely unfair for this to be left on your plate.

The DC never go there so no point it being left there. It needs cancelling, that’s it. Should have been done 2 days ago!

I had to talk my mum down from an extremely large kitchen to a table top train set from Studio (if that’s the one your getting too) same issue I stay in a small flat but also my LO will only be 1 come Christmas 😂 It is a pain but it’s thoughtful at least 🙈

This isn't even about not upsetting MIL anymore though. As I've said a few times on here, speaking to her will not get me anywhere. I could write the most polite message explaining why the table isn't appropriate for us right now, or I could ring her and rant about how silly she is for suggesting something of that size in the first place - bottom line, she won't listen to me as DH has already said it's ok to order, and he's her golden child who can do no wrong, she doesn't like me very much so she will 100% listen to him over me. Even if she does take on board my concerns, she'll certainly speak to DH before cancelling the order, and he'll just tell her not to do it as 'we want the table and can make it work'.

I would at least try OP. You tell her politely at first that it won’t fit but thank you etc etc and if she still insists on sending it then at that point you will have to tell her that the item will be sent to her house as you don’t have room or you will have no choice but to eBay it.

If your H doesn’t back you on this is a piece of shit OP.

Whatever you do don’t settle on having it cluttering up your place.