Dh & MIL Christmas gift

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DH came home from visiting his DM at the weekend and told me MIL has ordered a present for our young DC’s for Christmas. She showed DH what it is before clicking buy.

It’s basically a massive table that you lay out train tracks and buildings on - looks lovely, the DC’s will enjoy it, however, the space in our flat is MASSIVELY limited.
We’re already over run with the toys that we have (and we don't exactly have a lot in comparison to most families) and the purchase of this table means I’m now going to have to throw out a toy box that we currently have in our front room just to make space for this table as there’s literally nowhere else we can put it. As a result of getting rid of the toy box, I’m going to have to go through so many toys and either throw them away, or give them to charity shops. I recently bought DC’s a couple of toy ‘houses’ - think batman cave play sets etc, which I now have NO IDEA where I’m going to put, as again, the table will have to be put where all their current stuff is.

I’ve literally utilised every single area of our front room (there’s no space whatsoever in DC’s room for toys), we have a book case with fabric storage bags (one for cars, one for action figures, one for blocks etc etc), under our tv unit houses some toys too, and of course, the toy box held the bulkier things like toy guitars and wooden pirate ships.

AIBU to be annoyed at DH for agreeing to something that he knows we simply don’t have the space for, and also at MiL who is well aware that something of that size just isn’t appropriate for how small our home is?

I’m now in the awkward position of either having to tell MIL to cancel the order, or throwing away so many of my DC’s things just to make space for this poxy table that’ll be arriving at Christmas! Grr!

(Awaiting to be told I'm being ungrateful and should just get on with it and accept the gift, but I'm legit pulling my hair out over the prospect of trying to create space when we have none )

NearlyGranny has written exactly what I was planning to post (but said it more succinctly).

Please do not do the thinking for your DH, it’s his challenge to solve. Take a step back, solving the problem each time is how women end up with the mental load.

Doyou have any outside space? If so, let it get rained on.

It might be hard to get him to make the space, because he’s useless. So, you get him to do stuff he can do. Saturday you say take the kids to the park and get stuff for a stir fry or similar on the way home then you’re cooking dinner and doing bath and bed while I make a start on working out what will go into the loft to find space for this table. We will do another couple rounds of this in November December. So get parenting. My plan is everything of yours goes,and if the table doesn’t work when it arrives I will sell it. Great we are a team on this! By team I mean you cause problems and I fix them and frankly it’s bloody annoying so dinner had better be delicious.

Tell dh it can be stored on his side of the bed.
He can have the sofa...

It is your DH's job to sort out but it sounds like he isn't going to do it. I would undermine him and send the message above asking her to cancel and get something else, with a specific suggestion. You don't have the best relationship with MIL anyway so no big loss. If she gets upset, blame DH, whose fault it is anyway

I think those tables are great but if you don’t have the room you don’t have the room. Simple as.

I would make your DH do all the work in moving things round and let him deal with sorting toys etc. Let him decide which toys they have to put away or throw out. Then he may realise a bit better.

Alternatively remind him there is a cooling off/return period on online orders (not sure is it 14 days maybe). So she can cancel the order without penalty.

Good luck!

Surely Dh just has to say he went home, realised there was barely any space so looked at the measurements and actually there's no way you can fit it in. No need for you to be involved.

DH is labouring under the apprehension that all will be fine, despite me showing him how big it'll be and listing what toys the DC's will need to give up as a result.

So it's looking like I'm going to have to be the one to tell MIL which is ridiculously as she'll just go to DH and say 'I thought you said it was alright to buy it' to which DH will probably tell her that it's me that has the issue with it

Yes- why do people make such meals of things??

It’s not OP making a meal of things, Bertrand, it’s her DH.

What I would do in this situation fwiw:

Let MIL give gift to kids.

Gift stays in box.

Every time kids nag to open box & set up gift, say "that's Daddy's job: ask him to do it".

Repeat every time they ask.

Either he'll never set it up, or he'll try, and get angry as there's nowhere to put it.

That will force your point home to him much more strongly than reasoning with him.

Sounds like it would be the perfect thing for DMIL to have at her house for when DGCs come to visit!

“It’s not OP making a meal of things, Bertrand, it’s her DH.”

They both are. All she has to do is send a message to the mil saying that she’s done the measuring and it won’t fit. How about XY and Z instead? They are a bloody family!

I’m really puzzled by your comment that she never visits you and the DCs never visit her. How do they even have a relationship with her in that event?

Anyway - you say they are really into trains at the moment. Just before Christmas clear out the toy box - put most of the nicer toys up in the loft or get a friend relative to store them. Sell or give away the others. Let them enjoy the table for a few months. Then sell it if the novelty has worn off and bring the other toys back. Or if the novelty doesn’t wear off then that is the time to give away the toys and keep the table till they grow out of it. As toys go it’s not bad looking and it doesn’t actually make much mess as it’s self contained.

Tell DH not to let this happen again.

I’m only advising this as you say the children will actually like the table. We’ve had similar and to be honest it is a great toy in my view with hours of fun. My DS is now 8 and still plays with his.

DH probably wants to use it himself.

What a waste of money, and it’s ridiculous to knowingly buy something that cannot be used, given that you’ve got other crap in the loft that hasn’t been used for lack of space.

This. Your DH sounds like a right plonker. It doesn't matter that she's already ordered it, it can be cancelled!

I would honestly get the coffee table out and put it where he will trip over it. He is very stupid but needs to have it demonstrated how impossible it will be. Can the present be set up in the loft for them to play with?

My nephew when younger had a huge board with a train track on it which took up all of the floor space in his room so his father set up a pulley system and when he had finished playing with it, the whole thing disappeared up to the ceiling.

In your case, OP, you may have to chop the legs off but it's one solution.

You seem to be making a big deal out of a simple problem. I would just phone MIL, thank her for the kind thought, and tell her your DH hadn’t considered the fact it will not fit inside your home. Suggest she cancels free of charge and orders something more compact. Job done.
Ideally, your DH should have done this, but if he’s too useless or too afraid of upsetting his DM, then you just need to bite the bullet.

If your DH tries to shift the blame back onto you to his mum you can just set her straight - your son is a bit useless and couldn’t think clearly enough to deduce that the table would not fit.

FGS Either you or DH will have to nicely ask her to cancel it. You will absolutely resent it in time.

Can you find an alternative that includes storage? And then suggest that to DH to suggest TO MIL today so she can cancel order. Say it's a lovely present but we don't have room unless we can use for storage too?

How annoying.

TBH If DH isn't willing to tell her to cancel the order (and I'd be annoyed at him about that) I'd just accept it, let it get in the way for a few weeks (& take lots of photos of DC playing with it) then sell it on eBay.

If she doesn't come to your flat then she is hardly to know when you got rid of it. When she does eventually come to your flat you can just say that the children played with it for a time but then lost interest and you unfortunately had to pass it along to make more room.

I wouldn't bother confronting MIL about it. Let her have the enjoyment of giving it to them, she'll probably forget about it later.

“I wouldn't bother confronting MIL about it. Let her have the enjoyment of giving it to them, she'll probably forget about it later.”
No need for confrontation. The word you’re looking for is “conversation”

Have attached image for those saying to cut the leg offs... no can do and wouldn't make a blind bit of difference in terms of space!

If I got rid of the things (put in the loft) that the table would take up the space for, then I'd be removing the toys that the DC's love and play with every day. They would definitely enjoy the table, but they love their play sets and houses and all the things in their toy box!

I've told DH he needs to tell MIL to either cancel the order, or keep the table at hers. If he doesn't message her, I will have to!