Dh & MIL Christmas gift

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DH came home from visiting his DM at the weekend and told me MIL has ordered a present for our young DC’s for Christmas. She showed DH what it is before clicking buy.

It’s basically a massive table that you lay out train tracks and buildings on - looks lovely, the DC’s will enjoy it, however, the space in our flat is MASSIVELY limited.
We’re already over run with the toys that we have (and we don't exactly have a lot in comparison to most families) and the purchase of this table means I’m now going to have to throw out a toy box that we currently have in our front room just to make space for this table as there’s literally nowhere else we can put it. As a result of getting rid of the toy box, I’m going to have to go through so many toys and either throw them away, or give them to charity shops. I recently bought DC’s a couple of toy ‘houses’ - think batman cave play sets etc, which I now have NO IDEA where I’m going to put, as again, the table will have to be put where all their current stuff is.

I’ve literally utilised every single area of our front room (there’s no space whatsoever in DC’s room for toys), we have a book case with fabric storage bags (one for cars, one for action figures, one for blocks etc etc), under our tv unit houses some toys too, and of course, the toy box held the bulkier things like toy guitars and wooden pirate ships.

AIBU to be annoyed at DH for agreeing to something that he knows we simply don’t have the space for, and also at MiL who is well aware that something of that size just isn’t appropriate for how small our home is?

I’m now in the awkward position of either having to tell MIL to cancel the order, or throwing away so many of my DC’s things just to make space for this poxy table that’ll be arriving at Christmas! Grr!

(Awaiting to be told I'm being ungrateful and should just get on with it and accept the gift, but I'm legit pulling my hair out over the prospect of trying to create space when we have none )

Get your DH to tell her.

I can see no reason why MIL would cry herself to sleep over cancelling an order! She at least asked your DH first but he was obviously not thinking straight that moment!

If you explain that you would have to get rid of lots of the children's toys to fit in her board thing then I am sure she will understand.

And if she doesn't understand well tough - what is the point of upsetting your whole living room and toy system because of someone else's lack of thought? Just tell her. Nicely

Do they visit mil often? Could it live at her house?

Either tell your DH to explain the situation to her or else 'thank you so much mil for the thoughtful gift the dc will absolutely love it, but maybe it's best we keep it at your place for when we visit as we just don't have the space for the children to enjoy it here'

We had a rule when the kids were little, if the gift is bigger than the child, it had to stay at the givers house to use there.

That cut down on jumbo sized gifts fairly quickly

MIL and myself have a 'civil' relationship, we're not overly chummy and often don't see eye to eye on things, so I don't want to cause a rift by rejecting her present and have her think I'm doing it out of spite.
Tbh, I wish the only reason was through spite, but the amount of things I'm going to have to get rid of just for this table is a joke. I've absolutely no idea why DH thought it'd be a good idea, yes, our DC's are in to trains at the moment, but just bloody buy them a push along toy as opposed to something so huge the rest of our front room will suffer because of it

Did you say to your dh
Where are we going to put that then?
Is he stupid?

YANBU. I note that all the work for facilitating this table falls to you (giving toys away, moving the bat cave etc). Tell DH that there’s no room and he needs to tell MIL that the gift is unsuitable.

If he doesn’t put the gift on eBay.

When DH came home and told me about it, he said 'we're going to need to make space for something as big as coffee table' then laughed. I asked why, then he explained the gift. I told him that it's ridiculous as the actual coffee table we have from before having DC's has been living in our loft for the last 3 years because we don't have the poxy room for it anymore!

DC's and DH never go to MIL's so it'd be pointless telling her to have it at hers. Likewise, she never visits us either!

What Princesspeach said. Do not accept the gift, you will start to resent it, and your MIL. This is the most polite way to refuse it.

Make it his problem. Dh has agreed to it, so he needs to sort out the space for it. Or assuming it turns up unbuilt, just sell it and use the money for something you do have room for

Well if she never visits perhaps she has forgotten how cramped things are and this is a good reason to remind her!

Why are you going to have to tell MiL? Surely that's DH's job; he agreed it!

Has MiL visited your flat? Has your DH stood in the living room and envisaged how it will all fit? Bear in mind he may be spatially unaware and not grasp the problem until it arrives.

If this were me, I'd just calmly alert DH that there are going to be tricky decisions for HIM to make and then sit on my hands. Cover yourself in teflon and don't go shopping for labels like mean mummy, ungrateful DiL, killjoy etc.

Just smile, say how generous she is and let him handle the consequences. He tells his DM. He unpacks and sets up the toy. He makes space for it. He deals with the fallout when their existing favourites have to be packed away. He lugs out the toybox. He hoovers under and round the thing or it doesn't get hoovered.

Smile and do nothing and nothing is your fault. Don't get drawn in. It will get sorted and you won't need to lift a finger.

DH agreed to this arrangement so DH can facilitate it. Do not throw your children’s toys away. DH can throw something of his away, he can ask MIL to keep it at her house or he can ask her to cancel the order?

Well she needs to cancel the order. Or advise her the charity people will be collecting it ASAP.

If she never visits, she won't know you sold it.

I agree that your DH needs to sort it out, preferably cancel. However, if that doesn't happen would there be room underneath it to keep stuff? Poor solution I know

Chop the legs off it and slide it under one of the dcs beds?

She's definitely aware of the size of our home.

I've just messaged DH with a photo showing how big the table will be, by laying a tape measure on the floor. I've told him he needs to seriously think about telling her to cancel the order.

His response- 'she's already ordered it. It'll be fine!'

🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

We have a huge car track in our loft that my DM bought several Christmases ago and has never been used because again, it's too big!

'we're going to need to make space for something as big as coffee table' then laughed

Of course he laughed, he thinks you’re going to do all the work.

The DC's bed is a bunk that sits flush to the floor, so unfortunately can't store it under there! If that was an option, I'd be storing things under there already!

The table itself comes with a very small drawer, but that's to house the parts of the train track etc, so not even like I could put extra bits in there.

I'm a SAHM and it's me that has to pick up after the DC's all day long, so I do feel like it should be my decision what mess I have to deal with on a daily basis.

He’s a bit stupid isn’t he...

What a waste of money, and it’s ridiculous to knowingly buy something that cannot be used, given that you’ve got other crap in the loft that hasn’t been used for lack of space.

Luckily, online orders can be cancelled within 2 weeks so he will just have to tell her that it needs to be cancelled straightaway, or, if he is such a baby that he can’t do that, you can suggest that you do it instead, more forcefully.

“I’m so sorry, Gladys- we really don’t have room for that table, although you’re right, they would love it. Could you possibly swap it for something like this?”

Tell her to cancel it quickly!!

Just sell it, OP.

Save yourself all the hassle of reorganising things and taking toys to charity shops.