Dh & MIL Christmas gift

[AreThereAnyUsernamesNotTaken]

DH came home from visiting his DM at the weekend and told me MIL has ordered a present for our young DC’s for Christmas. She showed DH what it is before clicking buy.

It’s basically a massive table that you lay out train tracks and buildings on - looks lovely, the DC’s will enjoy it, however, the space in our flat is MASSIVELY limited.
We’re already over run with the toys that we have (and we don't exactly have a lot in comparison to most families) and the purchase of this table means I’m now going to have to throw out a toy box that we currently have in our front room just to make space for this table as there’s literally nowhere else we can put it. As a result of getting rid of the toy box, I’m going to have to go through so many toys and either throw them away, or give them to charity shops. I recently bought DC’s a couple of toy ‘houses’ - think batman cave play sets etc, which I now have NO IDEA where I’m going to put, as again, the table will have to be put where all their current stuff is.

I’ve literally utilised every single area of our front room (there’s no space whatsoever in DC’s room for toys), we have a book case with fabric storage bags (one for cars, one for action figures, one for blocks etc etc), under our tv unit houses some toys too, and of course, the toy box held the bulkier things like toy guitars and wooden pirate ships.

AIBU to be annoyed at DH for agreeing to something that he knows we simply don’t have the space for, and also at MiL who is well aware that something of that size just isn’t appropriate for how small our home is?

I’m now in the awkward position of either having to tell MIL to cancel the order, or throwing away so many of my DC’s things just to make space for this poxy table that’ll be arriving at Christmas! Grr!

(Awaiting to be told I'm being ungrateful and should just get on with it and accept the gift, but I'm legit pulling my hair out over the prospect of trying to create space when we have none )

If you have such little space in your home, where will the baby's bed be when they outgrow the cot?

Ah my mother in law bought us one of those! It lasted about 4 months when I told my DH to ask her if she minded if we sold it. As big as it is, it isn’t big enough to put decent/interesting track lay outs on, so never got used!

After all, why should you become "mean mummy" to your DC for removing their favourite toys to make room for something they'll probably lose interest in within a week that you never wanted anyway?

Is there any possibility MiL had planned this knowingly to sow discord in the camp or is that my nasty suspicious mind?

She's either malevolent and manipulative or thoughtless and unimaginative, though generous with it!

Accept it and sell it - if she never visits she won't know. Then you can buy something more suitable that the children choose.

.....sell the track in the loft as well!

I don't think it's been done with malicious intent, after all, she didn't actually order it until she'd spoken to DH and he confirmed it'd be a good gift that we apparently have adequate space for

Though I do remember years ago, DH told me a story that MiL bought SIL's daughters a drum kit for Christmas without asking if they'd want them, and when SIL said about leaving the drum kit at nanny's house, mil apparently laughed and said no thanks, far too noisy!

Regarding our DC's sleeping arrangements (not sure why that's relevant here though), they have room for their beds, storage space for their clothes, bedding, coats, shoes etc but that is literally it. Hence why all of their toys are in our front room.

This is your husband's problem. Just leave it as is. You've pointed out the obvious. Don't move or sell anything to make room for it. Let 'h' deal with it when it arrives.
Fwiw when our train track is set up it takes up the whole floor. Tables are a bit limiting.

Ebay/freecycle/facebook it the moment it arrives. Don't even let dc see it.
Then - I told you. You didn't listen. Broken record.
My tolerance for stooopidity very low today (B. Johnson, I'm looking at you).

Why should the OP go to all the trouble of hiding it from the children and eBaying it And run the risk of genuinlwy upsetting her Mil whe one phone call now with sort it?

Your DH needs to tell his mother that he's had a chance to measure the size of the lounge, and the table would be way too big and she needs to order something different

You can choose to call her or just let it happen. You don’t have to get rid of the other toys, you could store some in the loft. Little children get fed up with toys so you would then need to rotate them. Your dh will have to do this every couple of weeks of course seeing as he caused the issue. Getting him to do this could work in your favour long term because he will be clearing up his own mess repeatedly.

Just the table, rather than the tracks and bridges? What a boring present. The fun part with wooden railways is putting the bits together in new, random layouts and making them run all the way down the corridor and round the furniture.

Suggest a couple of tunnels, bridges, stations or a wonderful multi-engine turntable instead.

Ask your DH how the hell it's going to be "fine" given that he has already agreed (presumably) that you couldn't fit a coffee table in there. Tell him he has to man up and tell his mother, and that it will be in terms that he has realised that it's not viable - any attempt to blame you will end up with him under the patio or, if you don't have one, falling off the nearest cliff.

My DC used to prefer to put train tracks etc on the floor, it was less restrictive than a table and, of course, at least you could shove them away in a toybox at the end of the day. Suggest a freestanding set instead?

It looks like your DH isn't going to tell his mother that the Christmas present isn't suitable so you are going to have to do it.

You tell your DH that as he isn't going to do it, you are. You are not however going to accept any sort of nonsense that might be said about how @AreThereAnyUsernamesNotTaken is the one who is being mean/nasty/uncaring etc. etc. etc. because the gift that Nana wanted to give X wasn't right. He has to nip that in the bud.

Your DH is, from your messages, either afraid to or too lazy to have a word with his mother not knowing the outcome of said word.

He (or now in this case you) needs to say "Mum/MiL, the present that you've ordered for X is not suitable for our home at the moment. We're renting and it would take up the same amount of space as a coffee table, and we don't have one of them either nor do we want one. Space is at a premium. Can I suggest that instead of getting X a table for games etc., that they would much rather prefer spending time with you and a gift card to the local cinema so that you can go to see a movie together would be much much better? If you don't cancel the order, we will still not be able to accept it and it will have to go on Ebay as soon as we get home. There really is no way for us to have this toy in our home. Really, in this case, size does matter! Thanks ever so much for understanding"
Even if you have to say the above through gritted teeth, it's the end game your playing for.

OP - if cancellation is left too long then return postage charges may apply which could be substantial. Think you need to get onto it straight away unless the table can be stored at your parent’s house?

Agree with verticality. Let him put it up and hopefully he'll see the error of his judgement.

I think he wants it though, as he fancied using it himself. I imagine that actually, he'd be happy enough for it to be right in the middle of your lounge, blocking the door and TV because he probably doesn't care about things like that.

Yes as previous poster said, no looking smug, no haranguing, just leave it all to him.

Sell the car track things already in the loft. Then box up other toys and put them in the loft. Let the kids play with the new train track thing for a month then sell that too and bring the other toys back down.

As pp said, we looked at the table but had so much brio type tracks and accessories it actually restricted our DS he preferred to lay the track on the floor and then it all got put away in a plastic box on top of the wardrobe. Couldn’t get over how expensive they were!

I would phone, text or email her now and say you have looked at the picture of the train table and although the DCs would love it you are struggling to see where you can fit it due to your small flat. Ask her to cancel and order something smaller as you don't want her wasting her money.
I am kind of regretting showing this thread to my DH who has looked at it and said it would be lovely for our DGDs ;) I have put him right straight away as I am sure my DD won't want something that big. It does look lovely though. Is it possible that you could alternate with something else and have it out for a while and something else go in the loft and then you bring it out again when they are fed up with it?

I'm afraid I'd be ranting down the phone at her if it was my MIL. But I'm autistic. Our flat is also far too tiny for such a massive table. Can she keep it at hers for them to play with there?

Is there anything of DH's that could be moved to create the floor space, e.g. a computer / games station? Suggest to him that he could put that up in the loft and MIL's table can stay.

If he hasn't told her within the next few days

@AreThereAnyUsernamesNotTaken Why are you still being so wishy washy? I think you're both acting like wet lettuces! You with your husband and him with his mother. He needs to sort it tonight otherwise he won't.

What if she's having it delivered this week? Surely it's better telling her now whikst she still has a chance to cancel the order without the faff of having to return it!

Will it fold and go behind/under the sofa?

Summer - have you seen the photo of the table? It's about 50cm high. How'd you eat your dinner off that?