My friends house is dirty

[hollyhee111]

My friend ( not very close but pretty close ) invited me round today . I keep putting off going to her house because it's just filthy , she hardly ever washes dishes , floors always filthy , food everywhere , dog hair you name it . I can't stand being there . And I feel so bad as I just can't keep making excuses not to go round she's even making lunch today for us . I have a toddler too and the thought of him touching stuff etc makes me really uncomfortable . Argh what do I do ?? She's the loveliest person I know . Do I say something or just grin and bare it 🙈

ChilliAnd
My DD4 had a friend who smelled of rancid cooking oil and wet dogs, for years. The family eventually moved to a bigger house and the smell gradually disappeared. They had two bathrooms in the new house and I suspect this was a factor in the improvement. Plus, the girl's three much younger siblings (twins plus one, very close in age) all needed far less hands on attention and started preschool when they got to age 3. There was definitely a lack of attention to the older girl when they were all tiny.

I would be concerned that there is a teenager allowed to smell. This can flag a young girl for grooming and exploitation.

Could you contact her school to notify them of your concerns about her living environment? I know it may not sound very nice to snitch on a friend but when there is a young person caught up in a situation that at least one adult could do something about but doesn't, I feel the responsible thing to do is to try to get help.

@ChilliAnd If you've been 'so close' for years, you really, really need to tell her. For their child's sake (dating, and later on uni), if for nothing else. So sorry to read this.

I regally don't agree that if you have a dog your house will smell.
I think that's cop out.

But it depends on how you live with the dog, not all dog owners have the dog inside and not all allow the dog where a human goes.

So no a house with dog does not have to smell. Yes it may depend on the breed and size of the dog but regular baths, not letting them on the soft furnishings, hard floors all make a massive difference.

If you can smell dog in my house then I'm not well. As I smell everything as have a really strong sense of smell. I think that's why pregnancy sickness has always hit me so bad.

But I Mop and steam Mop, I have hard floors throughout and pets not allowed on sofa or beds. My mum is the same and her cat is only in the conservatory, but even there does not smell of cat. It depends if you have a in or out cat anyway.

I choose the smallest breed dog that doesn't shed. She is 2.5 kg and gets bathed in baby bath. She has her own towels but she loves her bath and grooming time. Not allowed in my bath obviously.

I won't judge a messy or dirty or filthy house but I also won't sit in one.

not all dog owners have the dog inside and not all allow the dog where a human goes.

Not much point having a pet dog if it's not allowed in the house or where the humans hang out. The dog rescue I volunteer for wouldn't rehome to anyone intending to keep a dog outside as it's far too easy for an outdoor-kept dog's living environment to fall below the standard required by the Animal Welfare Act 2006.

Me too. If I’m posting something that’s grammatically incorrect or spelt wrong ( is it spelled grin ) then I’d sooner know and wouldn’t take offence.

Or even a fence 😬😬

Well I wouldn’t judge stacks of books and dishes in the sink? And yes kids and dogs can wreck a tidy house in seconds and it feels like shovelling snow in a snow storm.

Also factor in husbands that don’t help and pick up after themselves and you can see why people give up a bit.

@flirtygirl I have an Italian mastiff and he gets 3 baths a week he's very well groomed, I have hard floors in every room apart from upstairs (but he doesn't go upstairs) and it's well ventilated... and his bedding is washed twice a week, and I clean every day with bleach and disinfectant and I can still smell him when i walk in... and he stinks! Usually of farts but he does smell 😂😂
I still love him though

This one?!

That's he one Theresa

Did I confuse the poster with someone else?

Could you bring up the conversation framed as 'What a lazy bugger your husband is, my dear'?

@ChippyPickledEggs "But I think maintaining a level of hygiene is part of functional living. "

True true true true true.

Hygiene and order are part of a reflection of someone's state of mind and self respect. Everything has an order, and personal space is no exception to that. One of the first indicators of someone's mental health deteriorating is their personal space: either it loses order or it becomes overly orderly.

Offer to help in the way that you can @hollyhee111 . Even if it is to open the windows and rearrange the books on the coffee table and pack away dishes. If she is a close friend, it could be the help that she is yearning for.

@BlockedandDeleted 😂😂 funny enough I grew up having a maid and garden boy 🙈😂!! But my house is always clean - phew

I don't see why it matters unless there is an obvious risk of contracting an infectious disease and it doesn't sound likely.

I keep a clean and tidy house and I'm a bit fanatical about having immaculate laundry. But, genuinely lovely people are rare and I would much rather keep such a friend as she sounds.

But are you British aristocracy @hollyhee111?

That’s the key part of that theory.

@hollyhee111 garden boy. You must mean gardener since child labor was outlawed eons ago

Going against the grain here, I grew up in a midden like that it.

It was horrible and I have the literal scars to prove it. She knew, she liked it like that - if nothing else, it was a great way to remind me that I wasn't worth having a clean house for.

I was probably still being blamed for the mess 30 years after getting the fuck out, as I was certainly still being blamed for it 20 years afterwards.

@ChilliAnd if they have health issues, could you ask her to let you know if she 'needs help with anything', that way you could have a blitz clean? or say that you are feeling quite warm (pregnancy symptom?) so could you open a window please? or get her a 'get well soon basket' with some febreeze plug ins, scented candles, nice smelling soap etc...

I won't judge a messy or dirty or filthy house but I also won't sit in one

Which is you judging!

I would just make excuses and meet up outside. I stopped going to a friends house because she lets her dog go round licking plates and cups, as you are using them .

Please just say something, " Hey X you are the loveliest person I know but I haven't felt comfortable at yours due to the mess, I respect you too much not to say something and I hope my honesty won't come between us" If my home needed a clean I would prefer to hear it from a friend. Sometimes you don't see your own mess.

Hygiene and order are part of a reflection of someone's state of mind and self respect. Everything has an order, and personal space is no exception to that

God help us messy slatterns then for any mental health assessment!

@EagleVisionSquirrelWork Yes!!! to everything you're saying. These threads...wow, what a life people have to even bat an eyelid at this, and then go on writing an OP about it. (Not to mention commenting with deep (faux) concern.)

My home is also untidy because it's busy and messy with laughter and people.

None of my friends care about it because I people before housework.

A tidy home shows boredom and caring about your social acceptance according to old fashioned rules

Get a life as a wonderful confident woman like your friend

I also have a friend who lives like a pig but oddly is the most manicured well dressed person I know! Her house is disgusting plus dangerous for DC - she leaves her medication lying around, snotty tissues, dirty laundry just BLEUGH!! I go round occasionally but hate it when my kids are invited!

When my son was small my friend who already had a daughter and son had another baby and she went from keeping the children and house clean to letting it all get dirty. I was not sure what to do because I knew she had not been like it before. It turned out she had post natal depression but had not sought any help. I used to drop by several times each week and cook her kids a meal and bath them before bed and then throw in a load of washing for her. Do you think y our friend could have this?