My friends house is dirty

[hollyhee111]

My friend ( not very close but pretty close ) invited me round today . I keep putting off going to her house because it's just filthy , she hardly ever washes dishes , floors always filthy , food everywhere , dog hair you name it . I can't stand being there . And I feel so bad as I just can't keep making excuses not to go round she's even making lunch today for us . I have a toddler too and the thought of him touching stuff etc makes me really uncomfortable . Argh what do I do ?? She's the loveliest person I know . Do I say something or just grin and bare it 🙈

*Some ppl live like pigs cos thats how they like it
*
What a horrible thing to say. I doubt very much that anyone 'likes' it.

My mother always said she liked it like that.

My late DP house whe I was a kid was really dirty/messy, my Father wouldnt allow my Mother to move anything, she was so embarassed, she wouldnt allow anyone in, once I invited the boy 2 doors from us in to the kitchen, she came in freaked out threw him out, had a right go at me. Ironically, when my DM passed away my Dad married a neat freak, SHE got a brand new kitchen, tidy house, AND central heating, he alsways told my Mum we didnt need because it was bad for you. I have always had dogs, (and cats) windows open every day, one dog is young, the dogs dont smell, but they make the rooms smell, I CAN SMELL IT, when I come back from shopping, etc.have tried changing their food, everything. I did have a friend with a dog, that used to crap inside, she never seened bothered, I hated it, and love dogs.

I hate it when people say they have better things to do than clean, as though they are somehow above it. I hate cleaning but I do it as I don’t want my family living in a disgusting smelly house. You may have things you would rather do, but then I’d rather be out doing fun stuff than going to work, but it’s just something that has to be done! My house is far from a show home but maintaining basic standards of cleanliness is essential IMO.

I hate it when people say they have better things to do than clean, as though they are somehow above it

I keep my house so that I wouldn't die of embarrassment if someone came over unexpectedly. But I have far far better things to do that remove every cobweb and speck of dust, yes. And i think people in immaculate homes are boring, unless they have cleaners. I'm basically an old school snob about it

Trewser. I’m certainly no stranger to a cobweb either! But what OP described is filthy. My job requires me to visit people’s houses and some of the sights have me reeling. I’m talking overflowing cat litter trays with cat shit on the bedroom floor. Floors so filthy your feet stick to them, week old unwashed dishes, dried on shit round the toilet bowl etc. I’m not talking about a bit of dust!

Oh yes that sounds vile.

I hate it when people say they have better things to do than clean, as though they are somehow above it

I think it’s almost always used kinda defensively to pre empt criticism if that makes sense? Like they know others might judge for how dirty/messy their house is (especially if there are kids at home, otherwise rock on if it only affects you!) so it’s better to get in there first framing it like some kind of positive thing ‘my life is so exciting and full I don’t have time for cleaning’ rather than ‘I’m just lazy/can’t be arsed’.

I don’t see it as an ‘either/or’ anyway, I have lots of things to do, a blend of necessary things like work and housework and fun things like socialising and hobbies, they’re all important and part of being an adult is finding a way to manage your time so you achieve what you need to do as well as finding time for nice things too (obviously we all go through periods where the latter falls off a bit because there’s only time for the former).

I grew up in a pretty messy/dirty house and it has really made me appreciate and work for a clean tidy environment, anything else makes me feel quite stressed and miserable being surrounded by mess or dirt as I hated it as a child but was powerless to influence it. My mental health is really strongly correlated to how clean and tidy my home is, when I’m depressed I just cba and let things slip and the mess makes me even more miserable and hopeless, when things are to a decent standard (not show home or bleacher excessively) it contributes to me feeling calm and happy and being able to enjoy my time in the house. But even if it didn’t bother me I’d like to think I’d still maintain a certain standard of hygiene and tidiness.

Crystal. Yes your right, it’s not an either/or. If my house gets too messy I can’t relax because I find it unpleasant. I’d also hate for my DC to be embarrassed bring friends over so for me, keeping my house to a reasonable standard is just part of life.

I spend most of my life doing the picking up and cleaning and yet the place is often still a shit pit. I'm sure somebody coming in would think I'm just not bothered by living in a mess, when actually I find it upsetting and embarrassing.

*you’re 🤣

Thurmanmurman it almost seems a bit teenagery to me, very ‘nobody can force me to clean if I don’t want to!’ like rebelling against something lol. And the mental gymnastics people go through to justify it. Like the exaggeration from Trewser “But I have far far better things to do that remove every cobweb and speck of dust“, it’s a total logical fallacy to try imply people who keep their house clean eliminate EVERY COBWEB AND EVERY SPECK OF DUST haha. But if you make out like keeping a relatively clean and tidy house requires an obsessive attention to detail, hours every day cleaning, a fortune spent on bleach... it feels easier to say why you don’t do even a typical amount or maintain a moderate standard.

Yes, teenagery. Absolutely.

I have three friends with really, really clean houses and they are all hugely uptight and don't seem to have much fun tbh.

No Crystal, I really genuinely do have better things to do. It's not preemptive. I really don't care if there's dog hair on the floor and old cereal bowls in the sink.

My Dh works for a large City council and visits properties to do minor repairs, He has seen a chap with a sheep in a pen in the kitchen that he was fattening up for xmas, houses with dog poo and dirty nappies strewn all over the floor and rubbish piled up to waist high.
He says some places you have to wipe your feet on the way out! don't know how people live like this

I just do enough to keep on top of it all, equally I don't know how people manage to keep a pristine show home

There’s a difference between a messy house and a dirty house. I have four DC and work so mine isn’t perfectly tidy, there are generally clothes and toys scattered around. However it is not dirty, the surfaces and floors are clean and dishes are always done.

If your friend’s house is filthy then you have a point, just make an excuse to see her outside of her home instead.

Vickibee A sheep in a pen 🤣 I’ve seen some sights but this wins!

My best friend lives 2 doors away, friends since childhood. She lent the neighbour in between us her Dyson hoover when she knocked and said hers was broken etc could she borrow the Dyson.

In between neighbour pretty much kidnapped the Dyson and eventually passed it back to my friend. She said it absolutely stunk of dog. She tried so many things to get rid of the smell it was so bad. Neighbour asked to borrow it again and was told no.
They fell out and haven’t spoken for over a year! All because of the bloody dog smell on the hoover.

My friend came home from work at the weekend to find a lovely new hoover that her Dh bought her and threw the Dyson away. She never got rid of the smell.

I do believe we can become “nose blind” very easily. I can hardly ever smell my washing but people do comment on it and I can smell other people’s.

Also, MH definitely reflects in the state of my home. I love to clean but when I’m low it shows in my house.

I have a similar friend and I think thank fuck they don't have animals. Can you offer to help out every now and again. Some people just aren't good at housework it doesn't make them lazy.

Actually left a job because of the state of the house. I work as a nanny. Everything was filthy, didn’t even own dishcloths, often used baby wipes for washing up and wiping sides. Floors were cleaned by emptying a kettle of hot water on the floor then sloshing a mop around. Ants in the dishwasher and on the sides, even when making cupcakes for a party she had to check rack cake as she put it in the box. Didn’t have a bin as she thought they were unhygienic!
I used to literally take everything I would need for the day with me, dishes, cutlery, mug, milk, sugar and coffee.
Then she got a dog, then a 2nd one 🤢
Then she got dogs