My friends house is dirty

[hollyhee111]

My friend ( not very close but pretty close ) invited me round today . I keep putting off going to her house because it's just filthy , she hardly ever washes dishes , floors always filthy , food everywhere , dog hair you name it . I can't stand being there . And I feel so bad as I just can't keep making excuses not to go round she's even making lunch today for us . I have a toddler too and the thought of him touching stuff etc makes me really uncomfortable . Argh what do I do ?? She's the loveliest person I know . Do I say something or just grin and bare it 🙈

@ControversialFerret
Digestive pulled themselves up....

Don't offer to clean, she obviously is happy with it as she's invited you round. My house is often a tip but I always have a blitz if someone is coming over. If you've already accepted I'd say you'll need to go. Your toddler will be fine, I'm sure he's touched worse

Do you really have genuine, well founded concerns for your toddler's health? Little kids grub around on the grass and dirt in the park, get licked by dogs (yuck, but it happens) eat food that's fallen on the floor etc. They're pretty robust. More likely, your skin is crawling at the thought of going round because her dirty home freaks you out - which is fine. If she's your friend, you should visit and make no comment. If you can't bring yourself to visit, she can't be that much of a friend. Personally, my home is at least averagely clean, but I have a pretty high tolerance of mess and to a degree grubbiness in other people's houses... Each to their own.

Suggest a ‘teddy bears picnic’ bring your own lunch, teddy, & clean blanket to sit on. You could ‘bear’ it then 😃

My friends house is like this. She has bi-polar though and really struggles with her house, at her own admission. I would offer but she has a perfectly capable husband who could pull his finger out but doesnt. Mostly she comes to mine or we meet up somewhere else.

Digestive you might want to check before you pull someone up:

Well they were pulling themselves up. Perhaps we should all stop correcting each other

You don’t say a damn thing.

You either say that you will come before or after lunch because you find your toddler eats best in home environment

Or you offer to bring lunch because you did a huge shop and got too much.

This kind of scenario requires a fib.

Perhaps we should all stop correcting each other

Absolutely, it's very tiresome!

Yeah I understand this completely. There’s a massive difference between being untidy and just being pure filthy though.

Is the filth at a level where you feel social services might be called if someone else saw it? If so, then you need to talk to her about your concerns. If not, try to see it as strengthening your toddler's immune system.

It doesn’t bother me going round however and don’t judge them for it, a bit of dirt never hurt anyone 😉

@Digestive28

"Bare it not bear it!"
You were correct the first time. It is grin and bear it. (Google it). Bare is naked.

I think you should go.
Do the washing up afterwards. She might be struggling.

Oh I'm with you OP, I'm maybe a little bit too obsessed about hygiene and I hate the thought of kids picking up a bug or something because a place is grotty. I think I'd find an excuse not to go to be honest.

Sometimes when I go to my best friends, I've been known to wash up, clear the surfaces ( usually covered in washing up) empty her tumble drier and move laid out of washing g machine in drier, mop.and sweep her kitchen floor and make her a cup of tea.

As I see it shes a single mum wotha full time job and no family support. Shes helped meads of times over the years with emergency childcare and school pick ups and haswvwn been know to do my cleaning.

Just turn up and say something like I will just clear the washing up while you finish cooking. A sink full of hot soapy water works wonders

Looks like I should ask her to do my typing as well!!

Digestive, it is 'bear' not 'bare'. www.vocabulary.com/articles/chooseyourwords/bare-bear/

I have a friend like this. Her house is beyond grim. I've offered to clean and tidy, my offer was refused. They just Don fseem to see the mess.. Or the smell 🤮.
OP if you can afford it, I'd be treating them to lunch out or a picnic in the park or even they come to you. Some people don't see a problem with living in grubby muck.

If she's a friend OP and it's someone you'd like to keep in your life and maybe get to know better, then I would go to her home and ignore the mess and enjoy her company. You may not know why her home is the way it is. Maybe she's struggling or maybe she just has different standards and priorities to you? Either way, good friends are hard to find so if you enjoy having her in your life then take her as she is.

ShirleyPhallus
Christ, do NOT offer to help her clean.
.......
I wasn't aware Christ did help people to clean though I suppose he does sometimes.

Your poor dc is allergic to dogs.....

Honestly, op, if you like your friend what does it matter? You're not likely to catch anything and I doubt she'd give you a cup of coffee in a dirty cup. Don't be so fussy!

@Ragwort lol I have a BIG dog and he bloody stinks! No matter how much I clean you can still smell him when you walk in my house (even with 4628 air fresheners plugged in) 😂😂
@hollyhee111 yeah I'd make plans to go out for lunch, just say your stuck in the house with the toddler and you could really do with some fresh air, just make subtle comments like "I can't stand mess" "how do people live like monsters"
You know... subtle

I wouldn't grin and bear it sorry. I'd invite her to mine etc but if she asked me outright why I never go round I'd tell the truth.

I expect we all have a friend like this, I certainly do, she is just laid back, not bothered, so you either have to grin and bear ir, its her house after all, her house her rules, or just invite her to yours. Its equally galling to have a friend who is so house proud you are frightened to sit on the sofa, and she plumps up the cushions the minute you move!